Sam's Confession
by Stryder2008
Summary: Sam makes a rash decision in a moment of selfish anger and Dean suffers the consequences. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Will his obsession destroy both his sons. Hurt!Dean Hurt!Sam Angry!John Rated T No Slash Weechester
1. Chapter 1

**Sam's Confession**

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Cripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. I will update this one all throughout the Christmas holidays. And will complete it by New Years. Keep the reviews coming and I'll keep writing. Happy Holidays.

**Chapter One:**

_Wrong Place, Right Winchester_

Life isn't fair. If anyone understood that it was Sam Winchester. At twelve years old he'd been dragged all over the continental United States. His father wasn't in the military, although some of the training John Winchester insisted that his sons do really felt like it. Because it wasn't just Sam that was hauled from place to place…it was also his older brother Dean. The difference was, at sixteen, Dean liked changing towns. He liked leaving behind the girls whose hearts he inevitably broke and the schools he was on the verge of getting kicked out of. For Dean it was an adventure. For Sam it was a punishment worse than death.

At least that's how it felt today. He'd been sitting at the crappy table in the piece of shit motel that his father had left them in when Dean had _informed_ him that today was the last day here. And it wasn't fair.

Sam had been waiting for the Science Fair selection for weeks. He'd worked on this project about filtering water through sand and he really thought that he had a chance to win. Never in all the schools he'd attended had he been in one place long enough to enter one of these. And he was going to be damned if he wasted this chance. His father had been irritated that he was taking time away from sparring and training with his brother, but he didn't care this time. And their father never would have known if Dean had kept his big trap shut. But no…his obedient older brother had to give their father the _weekly update. _

This one time, Sam was going to do what _he_ wanted to do. Not what his older brother or his father wanted. The thoughts had been running through his mind for the last few months. How could he stay in one place? What would he need to have to make sure that no one suspected that he was there alone? _Not that Dean is ever gonna let me out of his sight long enough to pull that off._ He thought with irritation. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate what his brother did for him…but damn…sometimes Dean took it too far. Sam could take care of himself after all.

He leaned against the lockers in the highway and pulled in a frustrated breath. It wasn't fair. He had _earned_ the right to compete in this and he was going to make sure that it happened. Whatever he had to do.

XXXX

Dean watched with detached interest as the cheerleaders practiced some new cheer. His gaze jumped to the baseball team practicing in the background and he wonder if he could have done a sport. If they'd ever stayed long enough to try out for a team. _Or if dad had ever bothered to teach me to throw something besides a knife_. He shook off the condemnation of the thought and swallowed a large swig of Gatorade. The leather from his jacket a soothing scent as he waited.

Lacy Jones grinned in his direction and he smiled back without thinking. He was only moderately interested in what they were doing. Although some of those cheerleaders were seriously flexible…and that was kinda interesting. Mostly he was just waiting for his brother to haul his slow ass out of the kid's last class so they could leave and meet up with their father in Spokane for the next case. His gaze shifted to the guys practicing on the baseball field and he saw the pitched staring daggers at him. Dean smirked and gave the guy a 'princess style' wave.

John Winchester had called this morning with a new case he wanted the boys on and told Dean to pick up his twelve year old brother and head toward Spokane. He knew that Sam wasn't going to be happy about the move. And their father wasn't going to care. He sighed when he thought of the fight they'd had this morning. Sam had stated his case and Dean had shut him down in no uncertain terms. They. Were. Leaving. End of story. Sam of course was pissed as hell. He'd accused Dean of riding their father's coat tails and not having a mind of his own. There was something in there about being unable to make a choice of his own. That had pissed off Dean and he'd yelled at the kid. And then Dean had felt bad.

Sam had it rough. Being hunters of the supernatural wasn't your average gig and Sam hadn't exactly signed up for it. To be honest, neither of them had wanted this life. It was just the one they were dealt. Thoughts of Mary Winchester flooded his mind and Dean furrowed his eyebrows in pain. Losing his mother at the tender age of four had messed with him in ways that even he didn't understand. To this day he hated the smell of burning flesh. Okay, so that sounds weird…but it really wasn't. Seeing his mother burn on the ceiling of his six month old brothers nursery had left some scars. And when you kill supernatural things…you gotta burn them. Just the way it works.

Dean ground his teeth together in frustration. He hated when he got stuck in a memory loop about his mom. He wouldn't even talk to Sam about her. It was too painful. Everything in their lives had changed that night. No more peanut butter sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Or a warm loving voice signing 'Hey Jude' to him when he couldn't sleep or he had a nightmare. He huffed at that thought. _Sometimes the nightmares are real._

He glanced down at his watch and frowned when he saw it was almost five in the evening. Sam should have walked out of the school hours ago. His green eyes slid up to the large brink building. It was a typical school. Single story, long rows of windows, a courtyard with several benches for students to wait and a row of several metal doors. Dean huffed again and looked at the distance between himself and the front of the school. He shoved the heavy door of the car open.

The storm that had been threatening all day finally let loose and he groaned when the first drops of rain hit him in the face. He hated the rain…always had. Something about rainstorms were unsettling for him, although he'd never really understood why. He pulled the collar of the brown leather jacket tighter around his neck and jogged to the overhang near the front door. His boots splashing through the building puddles.

A teacher passing by the door saw him grab the handle and reached to push open the metal door when it proved to be locked. Dean had been on the verge of swearing up a storm.

"Hey, thanks." He ran his fingers through his short spikey blonde hair in an attempt to brush the water out of it. He noticed that the man was about four inches shorter than him. Which meant he was only about five foot nine. The teacher simply smiled immediately noticing how young Dean was.

"Since I know you're not a parent…and you're not a senior I've ever met…you must be looking for a…" The man let the conversation drift off and waited for Dean fill in the blanks.

"My little brother…Sam Winchester, you know him?" Dean added. The man nodded as a grin spread across his friendly face.

"About yay high?" The guy lifted his hand about head high. His brown eyes were sparkling with humor. "Yeah, he's kinda hard to miss…damn smart."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, he is. " He bit back the smart-ass comment that floated through his head. "You seen him?"

The teacher's forehead furrowed in confusion. "Not since second period." Dean nodded as his face fell and started back toward the door. The teacher shouted after him. "His project got accepted into the national completion for the science fair…he tell you about that?"

Dean licked his lips and frowned. He sorta knew about it. Sam had tried to get him to look at some new geeky potato thing he was working on. _No it had been something about natural filtration systems. _But Dean had been watching a new documentary on classic rock…and he'd yelled at Sam. Thinking back on it now, he felt pretty freaking terrible about it. "A bit." Dean said quietly. Sammy had been trying to share something important with Dean and he'd blown him off for a documentary that he could've caught the rerun for later that week. _Kind of a shitty brother, aren't you Dean._ He thought as guilt rant through him.

"Well…we're very proud of him. Only about twenty students nationwide are invited to compete. Impressive that one of them came from our little town." He patted Dean on the arm and walked away.

_Yeah, just dig that knife a little deeper pal…twist it…and there ya go. Right in the feels._

"Yeah…impressive." Okay, so now Dean felt like a complete ass. Sam had been trying to share something he was proud of and Dean had yelled at him for it. Sam must have gone back to the motel…that was the only explanation…and if he hadn't been caught up in watching Lacy practice then he would have noticed that his brother had slipped past him. He spun around and headed out of the school at a run.

Dean slid around the front of the classic black Chevy Impala and yanked the door open slipping inside before he was soaked clean through from the rain. Worse than that was the thought of getting the water on the leather seats of the car. The engine fired up immediately and rumbled as he quickly put it into drive and peeled out of the empty parking lot. His gaze shifted to the field, it was empty. The cheerleaders and the baseball players having gone home a while ago and the empty field making a mockery of Dean's search for his brother.

Seven hours later, Dean was ready to pull his hair out of his skull. Sam was still missing and his father had called twice to get updates for their arrival. Dean had lied to him both times…something that he'd never done in his life. _And oh boy am I gonna pay for it if dad figures it out._

The idea of facing his father was terrifying…but not as much as whatever might happen to Sam if he couldn't find him. Dean couldn't handle the idea that something horrible might have happened to his baby brother. It was his sole job to make sure that the kid was okay. That he was protected from the world as a whole. He sank onto Sam's bed and dropped his head into his hands. Horrific deaths were playing across the wide-open plains of his mind. The fear was sinking deeper and deeper into his heart as Dean tried to get ahold of it. He sighed again and surged to his feet, grabbing his keys out of the ashtray near the door.

XXXX

Sam peaked around the corner of the motel wall and watched as his big brother got into the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He couldn't help the satisfied smirk that flitted across his face at the pain he saw on his brother's. He knew that that wasn't okay and that he shouldn't feel that way, but he was so angry and he was so sick and tired of Dean always doing what their father wanted. Couldn't his brother for once realize that Sam's wants and needs had to be taken into consideration?

He snuck around the motel and opened the door with the key he and Dean always left hidden under the mat. Not that he couldn't pick the lock, but this was just easier. That thought made him snort at the irony. _I'm twelve years old and I can pick a lock and count cards better than most career criminals._ And then there were the hunts…he'd killed all manner of supernatural beasts in addition to ghosts and even a shapeshifter once. Okay, so _he_ hadn't killed it…he'd waited in the car and his dad and brother had killed it. But he'd been there, so he counted it. He glanced around the dark interior of the room and for the first time he noticed his brother's absence. It was quiet…and Dean was anything _but_ quiet.

Sam's dark eyebrows cut down in irritation at the thought. He wanted to be mad at Dean right now…he didn't want to notice the things he missed about his older brother. Hell, right now he wanted to be pissed at his whole family and their lot in life. Why was this bothering him at all? He shook it off and hurried to grab his stuff. He would catch back up with his brother and father _after_ the science fair. He just had to stay hidden until the competition was over.

Deep down, Sam knew that this wasn't his most brilliant idea…but he didn't care.

XXXX

Dean drove around town until three in the morning. His anxiety level was through the roof by the time he stopped. He checked everywhere that he knew that Sam might be. And now he was scared. He didn't know where his brother was or what had happened to him. Because Sam would never take off like this on his own. Anger flooded through him and he slammed his balled up fist into the steering wheel…and immediately regretted the action.

Not only did his hand hurt like hell, but he'd just hit his baby. "Sorry." He muttered to the car. Dean's head lolled back against the headrest as exhaustion settled heavily on his shoulders. He sat like that for a moment before hauling himself upright and pushing the door of the Impala open. The air smelled like rain and he inhaled the woodsy scent surrounding the school. It was the last place that he _knew_ that Sam had been. So it was the first place him to start looking for his missing little brother. His father's voice floated through his head and he clenched his eyes shut.

"_Take care of Sammy."_ John's voice had a way of cleaving through everything else in Dean's head and driving home his words in an almost painful way.

Dean swallowed and started across the dark field. The feeling of being watched was so strong that his head swung around and could have sworn that he saw shadows moving in the distance. But when his gaze landed on the empty expanse of grass he shook his head at his own fears. _It's because I'm worried…that's all._ The moon was starting to peek through the clouds.

"Looks like the rain's past." He murmured to the empty air.

A shadow moved behind him and he spun around just in time to catch a fist in the jaw. Dean stumbled backwards and his hand moved to his chin. He exhaled heavily when he saw five guys surrounding him. His jaw was zinging with the strength behind the last cheap shot and his gut was telling him that there was more to this than he was seeing. It wasn't that Dean had a problem with fighting, the opposite in fact, he actually _liked_ to fight. But he didn't like to. It never boded well for them and then Sam was angry and they'd have to move. And then there was the explanation to his father…and that was never a party.

"You like to hit on other guy's girls, huh?" Josh Anderson the star pitcher of the baseball team stood in front of Dean. The guy was taller and broader than Dean was, but he shouldn't be as fast or as well trained. So Dean simply put on his smirk and tilted his head to the side.

"Can't help it if Lacy wanted to upgrade." His green eyes scanned the other four guys, three he knew, one he didn't. Unconsciously his weight dropped into his heels and he shift onto his back foot so that he could move more freely. This was going to end in a fight whether he wanted it or not.

Two of the guys surged forward and pinned Dean's arms against his side. He was spinning his lower body in a circle instantly. The momentum from the spin tossed one of the guys off balance, but the other one was ready, he kicked out against Dean's right knee causing him to sink down to his knees.

"Don't break anything." A deep voice boomed through the silence. The teacher that Dean had run into inside the school stepped out of the darkness. Only he didn't look friendly anymore. Underneath that cardigan the guy had been sporting he was _big_…like hitting the gym twice a day big. "We need him in fighting shape."

Dean looked up at the guy through the arms of the two dudes holding him down and something told to fight like hell…or this wasn't going to end well for him. "What the hell are you talking about?" Dean growled. His brain was coming up with an escape plan while his mouth bought him time.

The man looked at more closely. "You're smarter than I gave you credit for."

"No worries, it happens all the time." Dean snarked. And then a thought occurred to him and the smirk on his lips slipped away. "Did you take my brother?"

The teacher laughed, it was a hollow tinny sound and it sent chills rolling through Dean. "He really is missing. Probably got sick of being dragged around by you."

_That_ had Dean stretching up straighter. "Sam wouldn't do that." He breathed. But deep down in the dark places of his soul, Dean wondered if maybe he would. If maybe Sam had run away. His resolve lagged for a moment and it proved to be the moment these douchebags were waiting for. Josh lunged forward and threw a left punch straight at Dean's face.

Dean's quick reflexes were the only thing that saved him from catching a crazy punch right on the jaw…one that would have knocked him clean out. He ducked down and pulled his arms toward his body, one of the guys hanging onto him caught the punch on the chin. He went down like a sack of lead. Dean used his newly freed arm to swing at the other guy. He felt his knuckles slide along the kids jaw and his other arm was suddenly free. Dean was lunging to his feet when he felt sudden pain flare along his back. His body spasmed and he fell forward, barely managing to catch himself before he slammed into the ground.

"Son of a bitch…" He groaned.

"Knock him out." The teachers voice ground out. And Dean shook his head to try and clear the fuzz rumbling around in his head.

The last thing that Dean remembered was pain lancing through his head before the darkness claimed him.

TBC…

Author's Note: "_Dean felt the cold stone before he could see it. His vision was blurry and he was still trying to clear the rummy feeling from his head. "Oh god that sucked out loud." He moaned as he rolled up into a seated position. He reached up and ran his hand along his head and groaned when it came away sticky. Blood. "Awesome." He mumbled. He stretched and pain shot through his back and side. His memory started to clear and he remembered the fight at the school…when he'd been searching for Sam. _

_The memory that his little brother was missing had him trying to lurch upright. His head slammed into the top of a cage and he sank back to the floor. "Seriously?" He complained. He looked around the dimly lit area. "What the hell?"_

"_Welcome to the fight, Dean Winchester." A male voice boomed through the small cage. _

**PLEASE REVIEW: Please let me know if you guys want this continued. If not, then I'll drop the storyline. Thanks.**

Chapter Two

8


	2. Gilded Cage

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Cripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**I do not have a Beta, so all mistakes are mine and own them fully.**

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Two**

_Gilded Cage_

John Winchester was beyond irritated. He was about an hour outside of Butte, Montana and he still hadn't heard from either of his sons. He'd spoken with Dean earlier on Monday, but that was the last contact he'd had with his boys. Sam wasn't answering his phone and Dean wasn't picking up either…and while it wasn't unusual for Sam to ignore his call, Dean would never do that. He knew better. But that wasn't what had John hauling ass toward Montana, it was the sick twisted feeling deep in his gut. The one that was telling him there was something seriously wrong. A part of him chalked that up to Mary and her desire to keep their sons safe. It was comforting somehow to think that his beloved wife was still watching over Dean and Sammy.

That same feeling had sent him racing back to a motel when Dean had been nine and Sammy was only five. And luckily he'd learned to listen to his gut years ago, because he probably would have lost both his sons to that Stritga if he hadn't. The truck was silent, only the steady hum of the tires on pavement kept it from being completely void of sound. Normally John was rocking some classic tunes, but not today. He was worried and he didn't want to even chance that he might miss a call from his boys.

His blue eyes slid over to the cell phone sitting silently on the seat next to him and he groaned at the traitorously silent little device. What the hell had his sons gotten themselves into now. After a moment of contemplation John snatched up the device and dialed Bobby Singer's number. It might be that nothing was wrong…_and God help my sons if that's the case._ But it might be something serious had happened and frankly he could use the help.

Bobby answered after two rings. "Singer salvage yard." The gruff voice of the older hunter made John smile. Neither one of them was very good about avoiding the whiskey bottle…and it showed in their rough-around-the-edges nature.

"Bobby? Hey it's John." He flipped on the blinker and turned up the long winding road that would end in the tiny town of Butte.

A momentary silence told John that he'd surprised his friend and that Bobby was running through every idea he had as to why John was calling him. "Yup. Unless you dialed the wrong number. Now what's wrong?"

John pulled in a breath and plowed forward. "Any chance you can meet me in Montana?"

Bobby sank into a chair near the kitchen table and ran his hand through his hair. He couldn't remember the last time that John Winchester had asked for help on anything but research…or with the boys. That thought sent tendrils of fear trickling down his spine like ice water. "I can. What's going on, John?"

"Maybe nothing…I don't know. Haven't heard from the boys for two days and that's not normal." He took a deep breath. "I got a bad feeling, Bobby."

The older hunter blew out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. _It is the boys. Damn-it._ He known those two since Dean had been about five years old and John had shown up on his doorstep looking for answers. His heart sank at the thought that something might be wrong with either Sam or Dean. "I'll be there tomorrow. Wanna be more specific about where in Montana? Big state."

"Butte. The Mountain View Motel off Canyon road."

"I'll be there…John?"

"Yeah?"

Bobby wanted to ask if it might be something of a supernatural nature. But he couldn't bring himself to even think the thoughts, let alone voice them. "Nevermind…I'll see you then."

"Thank you." John said before he disconnected the call.

XXXX

Dean felt the bumps of hard cold stone before he could see anything. His shoulders were on fire and he couldn't feel his hand. _Must have been laying on it. _ He realized when he carefully opened and closed his fist a few times and the feeling returned slowly, the uncomfortable pins and needles sensation flowing through it. His eyes ached which meant that his vision was probably blurry, not that he could see much of anything in the complete blackness. And he was still trying to clear the rummy feeling from his head; he shook his head in an effort to speed up the process, bad plan. "Oh god that sucked out loud." He moaned as he rolled up into a seated position. He reached up and ran his hand along the back of his head and groaned when it came away sticky. Blood. Which also mean that he was probably suffering from at least a mild concussion. _Never a good thing._

"Awesome." He mumbled in irritation. Dean stretched a bit and pain shot through his back and side. The bat that had hit him in the side was the first clear memory he got back…probably because it was associated with the pain. His memory started to slowly clear up and he remembered the fight at the school…when he'd been searching for Sam. _Ah shit…Sammy._

The memory that his little brother was missing had him trying to lurch upright despite the protests from his body. His swore when his head slammed into the top of a cage and he sank quickly back to the floor. "Seriously?" He complained. He looked around the now dimly lit area. "What the hell?"

The cage was maybe four feet by four feet. Not big enough to do much of anything, but definitely big enough to hold him like a dog. He didn't much appreciate that thought… There didn't appear to be a gate or a door…so how the hell had he gotten in here? They hadn't built the thing around him… He scanned the area just outside the cage. There was nothing. He was alone. No other cages were within eyesight of where he was. Dean squinted when he saw something fuzzy off in the distance. His vision was blurring in and out of focus, he blinked a few more times and something that resembled a boxing ring came into view. But with some changes. The thing was surrounded by razor wire and there was what looked like chain ling all around it, but it was attached to wires running along the top.

What type of ring he didn't know. The light wasn't good enough for him to clearly identify much more than that.

"Hello?" He called as he looked around. Nothing. No answer. "Hey it's customary to at least offer a turn down service. All the five star motels are doing it now." He sighed and shifted again when his side lit up in pain. "Damn-it." A sudden crackle floated through the chilly air and Dean found himself spinning his head like it was on a swivel trying identify the source.

"Welcome to the fight, Dean Winchester." A male voice boomed through the small cage.

"What the hell does that mean?" He waited and there was no answer. So Dean tried a different tactic. "You have me at a disadvantage." He shot back. "Care to come into the light?" Green eyes panned the small area again and he shook his head when he didn't see anything. "Man you grabbed the wrong person."

"I don't think so." The voice boomed again. "Dean Winchester, suspended for fighting. Dean Winchester, expelled for fighting. Oh no…I think I grab exactly the right person. You're far more interesting than Sam anyways."

At the mention of Sam, Dean's big brother mode went into high gear. "You touch my brother and I'll kill you."

"I believe you would. Which is why you were chosen." The voice answered back.

Dean rolled his eyes and let his anger settle for a moment before spouting off with more snarky comments. "So I get in a lot of fights. That a crime or something?" He ignored the fact that his head told him that 'yeah it kinda is a crime'. "You gonna explain why I'm here? Or am I supposed to just _divine_ it out of the stone?"

"Funny. I heard you were a sarcastic little shit. Glad to see the rumors…for once are true." The voice never changed pitch or switched directions. Which meant that it was coming from some sort of speaker above him.

"So did I win some type of lottery or something? Cuz I don't remember buying a ticket." Dean knew that he was pushing his luck, but he need more information and the only way he was going to get it was to keep this asshat talking.

"Something like that." The room flooded with hazy grey gas and Dean felt his vision blurring out of focus as his head started to pound like he'd gotten tossed under a stampede of wild cattle. The room sank into blackness and he pitched forward as his brain started to shut down, he managed to catch himself before his head slammed into the bars of the cage. His side lit up in fire again and he groaned when he was reminded of his rough treatment so far.

Before he completely lost his grasp on reality he screamed into the darkness. "What the fuck do you want?!" And then his consciousness slipped away and he tumbled forward landing in a heap on the stone floor of the cage.

"A fighter." The voice answered to the unconscious Winchester.

XXXX

Sam was staying in the room next to his and Deans. He'd had the best day ever. He'd gone to school and no one had bothered him, Dean hadn't even come looking for him. And while that should have set off the alarms in his head, he chalked it up to his lucky day.

The Impala hadn' t been at the motel when he'd walked by after school, so he'd decided to stay there thinking that Dean must have already headed toward their father. After all, he'd left that note for Dean…

_Dean, going to do my own thing for a couple days. Will hitch a ride to Spokane. Don't worry I'm fine. Sam. _

Of course he'd kinda hidden that note, so what if Dean hadn't actually found it? And if that was the case then where was his older brother. Something else that _should_ have occurred to Sam was the fact that Dean would never leave town without him…not if a million years.

The motel manager had thought it weird that they needed the second room and that Sam had paid with cash. Cash that he'd stolen from Dean's emergency stash…but this was an emergency. Just not the by Dean's definition. But the manager had ignored his own concerns when Sam dropped a fifty on the counter, which the man promptly pocketed. The walls in these motels were thin, like paper thin, so he heard it the moment his father started talking in the room next to his.

He sat up in bed and pulled the covers closer around his shoulders. His father sounded seriously pissed and he was talking to someone…_oh shit, Bobby._ Why the hell would he call in Bobby? That had the youngest Winchester wondering where the heck Dean was? He gulped when it occurred to him that something could have happened to his older brother…while he was out looking for _Sam_. He leaned his ear against the wall in an attempt to hear what the two men were saying, but all he got was a muffled rumble. There was a momentary debate before he decided that it was more important to find out what was going on than to continue hiding from their father…or Dean.

Sam swung his legs out of the bed and bit at his lower lip as he debated on getting dressed or just heading over dressed as he was. Apparently he hadn't thought this out as well as he should have. He reached over and flipped on the lamp near the bed. The hideously decorated room lit up in pale yellow light. The sage green clashing with the bright orange. The smell of stale cigarettes wafted through the air and his nose wrinkled at it…before he made his decision. He wanted freedom yes…but not at the expense of his brother's life. Sam pulled in a deep breath and gathered his bag of belongings.

_This is really gonna suck._ He thought as he slipped his shoes on and pulled his sweatshirt over his head. After a moment of courage gathering he stepped out into the cold night air and walked the twenty feet to the next room. His hand shook as he lifted his knuckles to knock. One. Two. Three…and the door was jerked open from the inside.

Bobby's face lit up in shock. "Sam." He breathed.

John stomped around the corner and stared at his son, the disappointment written clearly in the weathered lines of his face. His blue eyes flickered up and out the door. He was looking for Dean. "Where's your brother?"

Sam titled his head to the side and shrugged. He'd figured that Dean had called their father and that's why he was back in Butte. But as he looked at the expression on that man's face he felt own curiosity about where his older might be peak. "Figured he'd be with you." Sam mumbled.

"Speak up, Sam." John said coldly. His shrewd gaze missed nothing and he put together what had happened in a moment. Sam had tried to run away and Dean had gone looking for him with the hope that John would never find out. The guilt was nearly pouring off his youngest son and the fully pack duffelbag he carried gave him away. "What were you thinking?" John finally breathed.

Bobby's gaze was jumping back and forth between father and son.

"I was thinking that I wanted to have a life that didn't involve hunting…just for a few days." Sam said. His head was tilted forward and his long bangs slid over his eyes.

Bobby shook his head. _This_ wasn't going to be fun. Before John could blow up at the kid Bobby stepped forward. "How about I go get us some breakfast." He looked over at the youth standing in the doorway. "And you can talk with Sam?"

John simply nodded and Bobby slipped from the uncomfortable room.

Sam finally lifted his eyes and stepped inside the room, carefully shutting the door behind him. He trudged over to the bed that had been his and dropped his bag on it before sinking down and folding his hands in his lap. He was ready for a fight, or a beating, he wasn't sure which one this type of action would trigger in his father. What he wasn't ready for was John sinking to his knees in front of him and pulling him into a desperate hug. Sam could feel the shuddering breaths as they rolled through the man and he couldn't help it when his own arms lifted and hugged back.

They sat like that for several minutes before John finally released Sam and sank back to he was seated on the floor in front of his boy. "Sam…don't do that again." He said softly. It had only been two days, but that was enough for him to know that he was scared to death to lose either one of these boys.

Sam nodded. "Where's Dean at?" He finally asked.

John shook his head and blew out a long breath. "I don't know. Can't get ahold of him." His blue eyes tracked back up and met the slowly widening blue-green of Sam's gaze.

"You don't know?" He had never expected that. "So what do we do now?" Something that felt uncomfortably like survivor's guilt uncoiled in his gut and Sam slumped forward. He'd done this. He'd run off and his brother had gone looking for him and now he was missing…and they had no clues.

"When was the last time you saw him?" John asked. He pushed himself up from the floor and moved to the coffee maker on the counter.

Sam shifted uncomfortably. "About three in the morning…two days ago."

John spun around and stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He sipped at the black liquid and crossed his long legs at the ankles as he leaned against the counter. "What else?"

"He came back to the motel…he was here for about an hour and then he took off again." Sam's words were soft and he wouldn't look his father in the eye.

"You were watching him?" The idea that Sam would knowingly put his older brother through that type of torment was beyond John. Didn't the kid understand what that would do to Dean? Apparently not…but John did.

"I just wanted a few days, that's all…there was this science fair and I got accepted and…" His words drifted off when he finally looked up at his father. John was staring at him with something akin to confused repulsion.

"You let your brother think that something had happened to you for a science project?" Again he didn't yell and Sam almost wished that he would. Because this calm rational version of their father was far scarier than the angry one. John shook his head and set the coffee down, taking a step toward Sam in the process. "Don't you know your brother at all?"

That got Sam's attention. Of course he knew his brother. "What?"

"Sammy, Dean watches out for you. That's his job, it's what he does…it's who he is." John ran a frustrated hand through his dark hair and sank down onto the bed across from Sam so he could see him clearly. "He loves you and he wants you to be safe."

Sam's breathing hitched as emotions rolled up into his throat and threatened to choke him.

"You used that against him…and now we have no idea where he is." John's voice dropped on the last part and Sam's eyes filled with tears.

He'd never thought of it like that. The last thing that Sam _wanted_ to do was hurt his older brother. But the science fair had been such a big deal for him…but as he weighed it against his making his brother feel the way he felt right now…it wasn't worth it. "Maybe we can try the school?" Sam asked softly.

"The school?" John repeated as he stood up and grabbed his jacket.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, he was supposed to pick me up. Maybe they know where he went after…" He choked on the words.

"After you ditched him." John finished.

XXXX

The next time Dean came too his stomach was the first thing to scream at him. He was starving. The second thing that he noticed was the pounding headache. He ignored it and forced himself to sit up and lean against the bars. The room was more brightly lit this time and he was able to make out other cages. Some of them had bodies in them and some of them were still empty.

Dean took a deep breath and regretted it when his ribs complained. He needed to take stock of his situation. He stretched through his body. _Okay, ribs are bruised. Head hurts like hell, but it's manageable. _Dean's gaze dropped to his hands and he groaned. _My knuckles are sore and bruised and my knee is tweaking a bit._ All in all he wasn't in terrible condition, but he wasn't one hundred percent either. He swallowed and winced at the scratchy feeling in his throat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had water…or food…his stomach reminded him with a grumble.

Footsteps in stone had him spinning his head to see who was coming. He furrowed his eyebrows when he finally make out the face of the school teacher. The guy was carrying a tray of food and large bottle of water. He set them near Dean's cage and stared at him.

"You know they charge admission for that in most circus's?" Dean blurted out. His eyes falling lower to the sandwich and most of all the water. "That for me?"

The man nodded and stepped back.

"So what happens now?" Dean asked as he moved to grab the tray and spun the top off the water gulping down large quantities before moving to the sandwich. It was just peanut butter and jelly, but he hadn't tasted something so awesome in a long time. Probably because he was starving and would have eaten just about anything at the moment.

"Now you train, then you fight." The man said as he continued to stare at Dean.

The middle Winchester snorted. "I'm not gonna fight for you like some trained monkey."

The brown eyes narrowed. "Yes you will." He leaned in closer. "Or I will bring in Sam."

At the mention of Sam, Dean's appetite disappeared. He stared at the man and his expression shifted from one of irritated curiosity to one of murder. "You touch my brother and I will kill you all." He ground out through clenched teeth.

The man simply smiled and applauded softly. "That's the fight I want to see. You fight and you win…and you might see that little geek again." But then he stepped forward again and for the first time Dean noticed that he was carrying some sort of stick. The end lit up with electricity and Dean knew immediately that that wasn't a stick…it was a cattle prod. He tried to scramble away from the device, but he wasn't quick enough and he only had so many places to go in the small cage.

The sparking blue end jammed into his stomach. The half eaten sandwich spilled to the floor and Dean doubled over as pain engulfed him. Every nerve fired up and his muscles contracted painfully. White teeth clenched together without him even thinking about it. He could feel where the heat was building up at the point of contact and his clothing was starting to singe. The moment the small device touched skin Dean screamed. It was like laying his hand on a red-hot burner. Except that he couldn't remove his body from the source of the pain.

The man watched with detached interest as Dean convulsed, his eyes rolling back into his head. This kid was going to be fun to break…and then he _would_ fight or else they would get the brother. Dean had made one mistake when he'd gone into that school looking for his brother…they knew his weakness now. So if he refused to cooperate, outside of the _motivational_ punishments…they would simply find him a more visible motivation. One that could scream and die if necessary.

As Dean lost consciousness his body still arching with the electricity the man smiled. He pulled the cattle prod out of the cage and turned to walk away. He cast one more look over his shoulder and smiled. A large hole was burned into Dean's black t-shirt, his stomach bright red where the points had made contact. They were already starting to blacken. That would be a painful reminded that Dean needed to follow orders. And if they had to keep doing this until he got that? Well that could be fun too.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** From the next chapter: _"Sam stared at the Impala parked in the parking lot of the high school and his stomach clenched in real fear. Dean would never just leave that car parked and take off. Which meant that something had happened to his brother, while he'd been looking for Sam. And that was the moment that the guilt started. He'd done this. Somehow something had happened to Dean and it was entirely his fault. He leaned against the seat of his father's truck and swallowed his fear when he saw John stalking back toward him…and he didn't look happy."_

_Thank you so very much to everyone that read and reviewed the first chapter! The response was awesome. Please keep reviewing like that and I'll to post something everyday through the holidays for you. Thank you to…becca65d, Nina Ferraro, guests (several of you guys!), Dean's Worshipper, Beakers47, South of Eden, BeeBee Forthwright, Helinahandcart, Silvertayl 57, nurple-girl, babyreaper, Solaris10, silvie-winchester, apester, ajaali, WRATH77, myscout14, Purple-Soda-Art, dandy44, and the first reviewer janiekm. Thank you._

**PLEASE REVIEW: Please continue letting me know what you think.**


	3. The Search

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Three**

_The Search_

The sun was just starting to clear the canopy of trees near the parking lot at the high school when John and Sam pulled into the lot. Sam's heart sank when he saw the Impala sitting alone in the lot. He saw his father's knuckles go white when he gripped the steering wheel harder…he wasn't happy to see the car either.

"Stay here, Sam." He said before he piled out of the truck and walked toward the black vehicle. The cool air rippled through the truck and Sam shivered, but it wasn't from the cold.

Sam stared at his brother's prized possession where it was parked near the edge of the parking lot and his stomach clenched in real fear. Dean would never just leave that car parked and take off. Which meant that something had happened to his brother, while he'd been looking for Sam. And that was the moment that the guilt started. He'd done this. Somehow something had happened to Dean and it was entirely his fault. He leaned back against the seat of his father's truck and swallowed his fear when he saw their father stalking back toward him…and he didn't look happy.

Sam took a deep breath and started picking at his fingernails…a nervous habit that he developed years ago. Dean was always getting on him about it. For as much of a slob as his older brother could be, he was fastidiously clean.

He jumped when the driver's side door was wrenched open and John crawled in behind the wheel. Sam wanted ask what he'd found, but he was afraid. Afraid of what his father had found…or even worse, what he _hadn't_ found. John scrubbed his hand down his face and turned to look at Sam. His tired eyes narrowed in frustration.

"It's empty." He stated flatly.

It had been what Sam was expecting, but it made his chest contract painfully despite that. His eyes shifted to the car as the light from the rising sun glinted off the shiny obsidian paint and he swallowed hard. "There's no clues?" He managed after a moment.

John pulled in a deep breath and shook his head. He grabbed his phone and dialed Bobby's number. "Yeah, hey Bobby…no, there's no sign of him…but the Impala's here…think you can come by and help me pick it up later?" There was a pause as John listened to the older hunter and then nodded at something Bobby had said. "Yeah, yeah…okay, we'll meet you back at the motel and come up with a game plan." He hung up and if Sam could have crawled under the front seat…he would have.

He felt horrible and the worried look on his father's face wasn't making him feel any better. The stress was evident in John's voice when he finally spoke up. "Bobby's gonna come back with me later and we'll take the car back to the motel." Sam simply nodded. "And then I think you better get ready for school."

Sam's eyes blew wide at that. _He can't be serious._ Sam thought. How the hell was he gonna concentrate in school with Dean MIA? "Seriously?" He managed after a moment of silence.

John's eyes shifted to Sam and he raised an eyebrow in question. "Am I serious about you going to school today?" There was another pause and Sam knew he was going to school, no matter what he wanted to do. "Yes. Can't have you missing class after going to such lengths to make sure we stayed long enough for that competition."

It was a low blow and Sam's eyebrows cut down in shame. "Yes sir." He muttered and slumped in the seat like the teenager he was. How could he argue with that? He'd gotten what he wanted, hadn't he? They were staying and he would be able to compete in the science competition at the end of the week…the truck engine rumbled as his father put it in drive and they pulled out of the parking lot. Sam's eyes landing on the Impala one last time before they turned onto the street and he lost sight of the car.

Sam sat silently in the seat as they drove back to the motel. He didn't know what to say to his father…he just knew that he was to blame for all of this and he hated the feeling. Part of him wanted to ask what their father had left unsolved when he'd rushed back to Butte to find his boys…and another part of him, the rational part, knew that he shouldn't ask that. His father was upset and that would just make it worse.

They pulled into the lot and parked in front of the motel room door. John cut the engine and sighed before climbing out of the truck. Bobby's old rust rod was parked in front of the other room's door and Sam bit at his lower lip in agitation. It was bad enough that his father was keenly aware of his colossal screw up…but now so was Bobby. And if there was anyone besides Dean that Sam wanted respect from…it was the old hunter.

He slowly pulled on the handle of the door and crawled out of the truck and into the blinding bright sunlight. It was going to be a beautiful day…and it was a direct mockery of his internal state at the moment. Sam trudged inside the open door and glanced up for a second at Bobby before dropping his gaze back to the floor.

XXXX

Dean groaned in pain when he returned to consciousness in a rush. His stomach ached in new and interesting ways when he shifted a tiny bit. His hands found their way down and he felt the hole in his shirt and then shook his head. It wasn't like he had so many clothes that he could afford to lose any like this. He blinked several times and tilted his head so he could see. The room was lit up like a Christmas tree and squinted against the bright lights when they invaded his pupils.

"Geeze…" He complained and forced himself to sit up. After taking a deep breath Dean glanced down and then wished he hadn't. His stomach was covered in blisters where the electricity had coursed through him. And the skin had blackened at the two entry points. If it looked terrible, it felt even worse. Every muscle in his body was sore, like he'd been on a training run with his father.

Movement off to his right had him glancing in that direction. A huge guy locked in a cage like his was staring at him. The man looked to be about thirty and at least two hundred fifty pounds of pure muscle. Dean was pretty sure that the guy's neck was about the size of his thigh. But it wasn't the size that made Dean swallow hard; it was the lack of sanity in the man's grey eyes. He was staring like a maniac, but there didn't seem to be anything behind those creepy eyes.

"Uh…hey buddy. You got any clue where we are?" Dean shifted and grabbed the half full bottle of water and took a drink. The man never shifted a muscle; he just continued to stare at Dean like he was the most entertaining thing in the area.

"He won't talk to you." Another voice said.

Dean found himself staring into a darkened corner; another cage was hanging from the ceiling with a smaller boy inside. He looked to be around Sam's age. Dean closed his eyes against the pain thinking about Sam caused. If he went down that rabbit hole, he might not make it back out of the black hole of guilt the spiral would cause. The kid had blonde hair and he was skinny and lanky…just like Sam. _ Stop._ He commanded himself.

"Why not?" Dean asked.

The kid shrugged. "He's been here a long time. They like to torture us when we aren't fighting."

Okay, that made sense based on what he'd learned from the teacher so far. "You have any clue where we are?" He scanned the area for anyone else, but Dean couldn't make out any other cages at the moment…but off in the distance he could clearly see the ring and his gut told him that was a very bad thing.

"No. None of us know where we are. We don't leave this area…unless we die." The kid pointed at a wall and Dean's gaze followed. On the wall were chains and what looked like shackles attached to the wall. A table stood next to the chains a dark red leather cloth covering it. But Dean could see that there were tools or something underneath the cloth.

"So this is like Fight Club?" The kid's head tilted to the side and he stayed silent. Dean made a face. "First rule of fight club is, no one talks about fight club?" When he still remained silent Dean gave up on the movie references. "Never mind…what's your name?"

"Joey." The boy looked away and picked at his ragged clothing.

Dean reached down toward the sandwich sitting on a plate in front of him. Apparently their zookeepers had come and cleaned up his half-eaten sandwich from before.

"Don't eat that!" Joey cried suddenly. His bony fingers grabbed the bars of his cage and he leaned against it in emphasis.

Dean dropped the food out of habit and stared at the boy like he'd grown a second head. "Why the hell not?"

The kid sank away from the bars and settled back on his butt, still watching Dean carefully. "They drug the food."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course they do." He muttered and then glanced at the water…food he go without for a while, but not water. That was one of the lessons their father had drilled into his boys. The body can survive without food for about three weeks, but it could only go a couple days without water. "What about the water?"

Joey shook his head. "No, they leave that alone."

"Why drug us at all?" Dean queried as he took several long swallows of water hoping that it would fill the gaping hole in his stomach.

"Keep us weak. So we can't escape when they come in to torture us."

A shiver ran down Dean's spine as he thought of the cattle prod. If that was where it started, then he definitely didn't want to know where it ended. "Why? What are they getting out of this?"

Joey snorted. "Money. It's all about the fights."

Dean's mouth dropped open and the huffed. "Like cock fights." He said without any humor at the terminology. This wasn't at all funny on any level. He'd seen the animals after those cock fights or even the dog fights and after being 'trained' the animals were more feral than anything else. And he wondered if that could happen to humans? His green eyes slid over to the hulking man still staring at him from the other cage. And he knew that he had his answer. Torture a person enough and it was possible to scrub out their humanity. Which meant that they were probably not dealing with the supernatural but normal 'crazy' humans.

"Sorta." Joey said simply.

A noise had the boy turning away from Dean and sinking into the bottom of his cage. It looked like the kid was trying to make himself smaller.

"I see you're awake…good. Time to train." A man that Dean had never seen appeared from the shadows and stepped toward Dean's cage. Before he could do anything more than blink the guy lifted a gun and shot at him. A dart embedded itself in Dean's chest and he pulled it out immediately, but it wasn't fast enough. He felt warmth spread through his body like an internal sunburn.

"Can't you guys just ask nicely?" Dean groaned as everything below the injection site went completely numb. His body slumped bonelessly to the floor and all he could do is glare at the man. The dark haired guy hit a switch on the wall and the cage Dean was in sank into the floor and he was left lying on open floor. Which explained why he couldn't find a way out of the damn thing.

Another man came out of nowhere and reached down on Dean's other side as the first guy helped haul him to his feet. Not that Dean could get his legs under him in this state. He was hauled into the ring and tossed into the center. Dean's arms and legs pinwheeled in several circles as he landed in a heap on the cold stone floor and his head slammed into the stone base when his body rolled to a stop. Before the gate he was tossed through closed the hulking mass of the guy in the other cage stepped into the ring.

Something inside of Dean clicked into place and he realized why this all seemed vaguely familiar. He'd been studying the Romans in his history class this semester and this was almost textbook gladiator stuff. Grab people from 'anywhere' and throw them into a ring, make them fight to the death. "Ah shit." He groaned as the feeling started coming back. _How the hell does this keep happening?_ He wondered silently. It would figure that he'd managed to get involved with something that the regular public didn't even know existed. It was bad enough when he thought it was a monster…but the knowledge that it appeared to be normal people? That sent his self-loathing up to whole new level.

There was a slow burn along his extremities as the feeling started to return. He pulled his arms up underneath his chest and shifted his weight until he was sitting upright. "There're easier ways to kill me." He groaned out.

"Don't worry Dean. We don't want him to kill you…not yet…still gotta make some money off you." This is just a training session so we can gauge where you're at." The men stepped back and folded their arms across their chests and leaned against the walls as they watched.

The big guy inside the ring with Dean looked over his shoulder at the two men for confirmation or some sort of approval. When they nodded briefly he lunged forward at Dean. He fell on the middle Winchester with a fury that made no sense. It was like the guy had lost his freaking mind. A meaty fist caught Dean in the shoulder as he rolled out of the way. His movements were still sluggish and barely managed to avoid the punch.

Dean rolled up onto his knees and forced his sluggish body up to unsteady feet. The man growled and slammed his fist into the floor in blind rage as he surged up and spun back on the unsteady smaller body of Dean.

"I'd fight back if I were you, it'll be worse if you don't." Sometime during the opening festivities of this fight, the teacher had stepped up ringside. He folded his arms over his massive chest and tilted his head to the side.

Green eyes shifted from the teacher to the hulking mass that was covering the ground between them in giant strides. Dean swallowed and ducked a flurry of wild jabs that would have laid him out for sure. His body protested the movements and he found that he wasn't as fast as he should be. _Drugged food._ He remembered when he stumbled and banged his knees into the concrete floor. Within seconds the other guy had landed on his back and pinned him to the floor. His fingers inched around Dean's neck and he started to squeeze until the air was completely cut off and Dean wheezed.

His hands grasped uselessly at the sausage-sized fingers of the other guy. A cough from outside the ring had the other guy glancing up and then Dean felt the pressure relaxed and he sucked in oxygen. His chest heaved and the guy crawled off him, reaching for something off to the side that Dean couldn't see. The black spots in front of Dean's eyes ran into each other like ants when someone steps on their pile and scatters it. The sudden blinding pain in his lower back caused his entire spine to arch like a banana bent in the wrong direction. His jaw clenched without conscious thought and the muscles in his face jumped as pain coursed through his entire body.

The burning sensation increased and he wanted to scream, but his words were constricted in his throat. It felt like his spine was being pulled out through his lower back…Dean had never felt pain like that in his life. His fingers curled into claws and his nails bit into his palms leaving small, but bloody crescent shapes.

"That's enough Martin." The teachers voice said evenly…and suddenly his body sagged as whatever had been used was removed.

Dean twitched in pain and curled in on himself, his eyes clenched shut as he waited for his muscles to release. But even after a few moments the pain in his back was still there.

"You refuse to fight again…and it'll be worse next time." The man said and nodded at Martin.

Dean's eyes focused just in time to see a large foot descending on his head and then, _thank god, _the darkness claimed him again.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Next chapter: "John saw the man following them before Sam. He spun around pulling his pistol from where it was hidden beneath his jacket in a fluid motion. The small guy held his hands up in the air in a plaintive gesture as his wild eyes jumped back and forth between John and Sam. _

"_Who the hell are you and why're you following us?" John growled out. His blue eyes as steady as the silver weapon aimed at the man's head._

"_I know where he is." The guy's voice shook with fear and his mousey brown hair fell into his eyes, obscuring them from view. _

_Sam lunged forward and grabbed the guy. He was about the same size as the guy. The man's eyes blew wide as Sam slammed him up against the wall. "Where the fuck is my brother?" He growled._

_Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter, especially: South of Eden, janiekm, guests (Several!), Laurs's-eyes, Beakers47, Bball25, babyreaper, becca65d, myscout14, Sylvie-winchester, dandy44, ajaali, mb64, Dean's Worshiper, and Nina Ferraro. Thank you so much guys!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: Please, please, please continue letting me know what you think.**


	4. Fear

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Four**

_Fear_

"I've already been to the police station twice today." Bobby shot back at John as he pulled his cap off and slapped it against his leg in frustration. The air was chilly as the sun dropped on the third day that Dean had been missing. The weather was definitely shifting from fall into winter and the grey clouds hanging low over the horizon were a dark reminder that if Dean was outside somewhere…he could be in real trouble very soon. And they were no further along in locating the kid than they had been when Bobby had arrived.

Sam had pulled into himself like hermit crab. He was barely talking to either his father or Bobby at this point. Mostly he just sat by the window and stared out at the empty Impala parked in front of their room. He wasn't eating and he wasn't even concentrating on school at this point. Frankly, he was just existing until they found Dean. While his face was blank of emotion, his internal state was far more active. Guilt was running through him in waves and he kept replaying that moment when he'd watched Dean grab his keys and head back out into the night searching for Sam.

His dark eyebrows cut down as he considered how Dean must have been feeling…if it was anything like how Sam currently felt? It might be the cruelest thing that he'd ever done in his entire life…and he'd done it to the one person that would forgive him…and that made it so much worse. Knowing that Dean would forgive him without a second thought. Because Sam knew he didn't deserve it and it was twisting him up inside the longer he thought about it. His mind shifted to memories of when he thought his older brother had hung the moon and stars.

_Sam waited on the bench at the corner for the bus, his short legs swinging in time with the song he was humming. He didn't even know the name, he just remember Dean humming it to him when he couldn't sleep. He had a Ninja Turtles backpack slung over his shoulders and a juice box in his hands. His pudgy fingers were tapping on the plastic bottle as the yellow bus pulled up and he jumped to his feet. The doors swung open with a 'whoosh' and Sam nearly danced as he waited. Several kids climbed off the bus and finally the one that he was waiting for bounded down the steps. Dean grinned when he saw his little brother waiting for him…again. He'd told Sam not to. That he should stay back at the small apartment that their father had rented, but apparently his little brother had made up his own mind. That was happening more and more often lately. Sammy questioning everything and then making an informed decision about whether or not he believed it._

_The four year old ran forward and wrapped his short arms around Dean's waist and handed him the bottle of juice. _

"_I saved this for you." He said in that high-pitched child's voice that Dean loved. A part of the older brother had worried that when he started school that Sam would forget about him. He was grateful that he'd been wrong._

"_Thanks, Sammy." Dean said as he took the juice. He pulled his own tattered backpack from his shoulders and pulled out a new book for Sam. He'd started getting the kid a book from the library every day when he learned that Sam could actually read them. A toothy grin spread across the child's face and his dimples dug into his plump cheeks as he smiled happily. He grabbed the book like it was fragile and held it against his small chest in a protective gesture that made Dean smile._

_They walked back to the apartment with Dean telling Sam about his day and then listening patiently as his little brother explained what he'd done all day. Mostly Sammy watched cartoons during the day while their father did research. Dean was careful never to talk too much about what their father was up to because he didn't want Sam to know about the things that went bump in the night…not yet. If he thought that he could keep it from his baby brother for the rest of the kid's life…he would. No child should grow up knowing what Dean knew. That monsters are real._

_Dean let Sam talk him into stopping off at the park near their current house. They both dropped their packs near the merry-go-round and took off at a run for the swings. Sam threw his small body into the nearest swing and giggled when Dean pretended to pout that his brother had beaten him. Secretly he was proud that Sam was so competitive. _

"_Push me, Dean." Sam asked as he moved and situated himself in the swing. His blue-green eyes blinked at his big brother innocently and Dean couldn't say 'no'. _

_He smiled and reached out to push Sam. Howls of laughter filled the air as he pushed the swing higher and higher. _

Sam's chest contracted at the memory. Had he really thought that Dean would just let him go? That his older brother would just take off and let him 'hitch-hike' seven hundred miles on his own? Of course Dean would go looking for him. How could he have been so selfish? Never in his young life had Sam hated himself…it was the worst feeling in the entire world…thinking that he'd let Dean down. As he reflected back he realized that it was one-sided. Dean had never let him down…not ever.

"Sam?" John's gruff voice cut through his thoughts and Sam turned glassy eyes in his father's direction. "Come and eat some dinner." He continued softly. There was nothing that John could say to his youngest son that would make him feel better. Not until they found Dean and they all knew he was okay.

"I'm not hungry." Sam whispered and turned back toward the window. His silent vigil was starting to worry his father and Bobby had mentioned it a couple times over the last twelve hours.

Sam wasn't the only one that was worried about Dean. The longer that he remained missing with no word and zero progress on a lead the more concerned John got. He'd worked enough cases that he knew that the first forty-eight hours were the most critical. After that…the chance of getting the missing person back...alive...started going down. He hadn't mentioned that to Sam yet, but he knew that the kid was too damn smart for his own good…so chances were he'd already put that together.

"Come on son…you gotta eat. Dean wouldn't want you starving yourself." John said quietly.

"Well Dean's not here. Is he?" Sam shot back. His anger finally making an appearance. He wasn't angry at his father, he was angry at this whole situation.

"Sam." Bobby warned. He knew that John Winchester was hovering on the edge of losing it at the moment. "It ain't yer daddy's fault." He watched as the youth slumped even further.

"I know…it's mine." Sam breathed. Tears burned at the edges of his vision and he wanted to sink into the floorboards and disappear.

"We're gonna find him." Bobby said. He wasn't sure if he believed it himself, but he knew that it was what the kid needed to hear.

Sam raised misty eyes to the old hunter. "Can we go back out?" Sam's voice was soft and pleading as he shifted his gaze from Bobby to his father. He swallowed when he saw the softening in both their eyes. "Please?"

John nodded. He couldn't find his voice as his youngest son literally begged him to keep looking for his eldest son. All John had ever wanted was for these two boys to look out for one another. For them to take care of each other despite the nasty things that the world was going to throw at them. From the looks of things he'd accomplished that. He just wished that Sam had figured it out before he'd tried to hide from Dean.

"Yeah…we can take this to go." He answered as he grabbed the bucket of fried chicken and his coat.

XXXX

Dean's head was swimming in pain as he slowly moved back toward awareness. His cheek felt like maybe the guy had busted it open…he tried to shift and had the unpleasant realization that he couldn't move and that actually took precedence. His arms were spread out to the side and his legs were tied down. The weird thing was he was still lying on his back, like he was on a table or something. He groaned as he blinked several times and peered over at his wrists. Yup…he was tied down with thick ropes.

"Oh come on." He complained as he pulled at the ropes. When that proved fruitless he looked around the area. Still in the room with the ring. He sighed and shook his head at the rapidly declining nature of his life.

Dean had no idea how long he laid there. Time was losing its meaning the longer he was kept in the dark. His body ached from the forced immobile position and all he wanted was to stretch out and roll over. He looked over at the ring and he felt the first real edges of fear. There was a very good chance that he wasn't making out of this thing alive. And the idea that that might happen without him ever knowing what really happened to Sam was almost torture. His heart sank when he heard footsteps.

"Glad to see you're awake."

Josh came into view, the baseball player was smiling widely as he stared at Dean's current situation. "Got yourself into one hell of a pickle haven't you Winchester." The glint of something in his hand had Dean more concerned than the douchebag's sarcastic comment.

"Pretty sure you had something to do with it." Dean said through his teeth. He gulped when he saw the needle and syringe clearly for the first time. He hated needles… His eyes tracked it as Josh pulled another small bottle from his back pocket and filled the syringe with the cloudy liquid. "What the hell is that?"

Josh chuckled. It was a strange hollow sound and there was no actual humor in it. Dean started fighting in earnest when the kid approached him with the needle held out. "Oh it's just gonna help you fight…that's all."

"What?!" Dean chocked out. His wrists were starting to chafe and he could see the skin abrading the more he struggled against his bonds. He had no clue what was actually in that syringe, but he had no intention of finding out. "Don't…I'll fight. Come on man…" Fear was tripping through his chest when the needle descended to the vein in his arm. The pain was rippling through him in waves the harder he struggled. And the beating he'd taken in the ring and before that when they'd captured him were making every movement agony. "You sick son of a bitch! Can't beat me in a real fight? Gotta drug me first." Dean was just spitting out insults now in an attempt to piss off the guy…it seemed to be working. "Or is this because of a fucking chic?"

Josh's face was changing colors and his eyes had narrowed to slits before he jammed the needle into Dean's arm. He injected the liquid and jerked the needle out, tearing the flesh as he did. Bright red blood dribbled down Dean's elbow and dripped off the table onto the stone floor. "Don't worry Winchester…you'll get to fight."

Dean bit his lip at the intense pain that the tiny silver needle created. But it was the fiery burn of the liquid that been injected into him that made his eyes blow wide in panicked shock. Every nerve fired at the same time and pain shot through his arm and traveled along his other extremities.

The muscles in his back contorted, but the ropes kept his body rigidly straight. The tiny rational part of his brain wondered if this was what it felt like to be drawn and quartered. Cramps ran through his leg muscles and they bunched and bucked as he struggled.

He couldn't help it when he started pulling at the restraints again and his wrists started to bleed. But the worst thing was when the drug hit his brain. It locked Dean inside his own head and pulled out the worst memories he had and replayed them in vivid Technicolor. His mother dying was at the top of that list.

"No…" He breathed out as the vision morphed from Mary to Sammy. Right in front of his eyes Sam burst into flames. His blue-green eyes wide with fear and pain...and his arms reaching desperately toward Dean.

"Save me, Dean." Sam coughed. "Or kill me…" He choked out as the fire licked along his body, blackening anything that it touched. And then Sam screamed…and it was the single most awful sound that Dean had ever heard. The sound was ripped from his baby brother's body as the fire claimed its prize and he slumped in death.

Dean hadn't realized he'd been the one screaming until he tried to swallow and his throat was closed because of emotion. Tears were running down his face and he sagged against the table, his head lolling to the side in defeat. The pain was still racing through his body, but he didn't care anymore. He thought he was done as the vision faded and then…it started all over again. Again and again he watched Sam burn. It didn't matter if he squeezed his eyelids shut so tight that his head ached or stared wide-eyed at the roof above him…the images still played out clearly for him to see. He could smell the charred flesh and his nose wrinkled at the scent...he couldn't smell anything but that.

Minutes or hours later…he didn't know, Dean woke up back in the cell. He curled in on himself and covered his ears in an attempt to stop the horrible memories of Sam's screams. "Sammy…" He whispered over and over until his mind finally gave up and he slipped into restless sleep.

The teacher stepped out of the shadows and looked at Dean, the pitcher, Josh, stepped up next to him. "So that's done."

"Yup…he should be easier to control. If not…dose him again. The fight is next week and he needs to be compliant by then." The man shrugged and stepped away without another word. Josh simply nodded and stared at the ragged figure in the center of the cage.

"Shouldn't mess with other guy's girls." He muttered before walking away. The lights in the holding area flipped off and the cages were plunged into complete blackness.

XXXX

The roads were deserted as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. No one matching Dean's description had been checked in, but it was worth checking anyways. As the truck rolled to a stop Sam heaved a long slow breath and scrubbed his fingers through his hair. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought that something might happen to his invincible older brother. Dean was the strongest person that Sam had ever met. He was well trained and a fast thinker…granted his smart mouth had gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion then there were the scrappy fights when he'd been growing up…but hey, whose hasn't?

Father and son climbed from the truck and started toward the entrance of the hospital. A tall gangly guy stepped from the side of the building and watched the pair as they entered the automatic doors disappearing into the sterile environment. He started to follow and then stopped when he saw a third older guy follow them inside. The man slipped around the corner of the building his chest heaving with anxiety. The boss would kill him if he even knew about this. But he was so tired to seeing these young men die…or worse, the ones that don't die and wind up a slobbering mess in the mental ward. He couldn't have another one of them on his conscience. Especially not one who had family that obviously loved him and wanted him back.

John saw the man following them before Sam. He motioned for Sam to stop and silently pointed over his shoulder and then down at the bottom of his shoe. _We're being followed._ Sam furrowed his eyebrows and nodded when he understood the message and stepped back to allow his father to backtrack. They went out the side door of the emergency waiting room and John stalked up behind the unprepared guy like a predator hunting its prey.

The eldest Winchester spun around the side of the building pulling his pistol from where it was hidden beneath his jacket in one fluid motion. The small guy held his hands up in the air in a plaintive gesture as his wild eyes jumped back and forth between John and Sam.

"Who the hell are you and why're you following us?" John growled out. His blue eyes as steady as the silver weapon aimed at the man's head.

"I know where he is." The guy's voice shook with fear and his mousey brown hair fell into his eyes, obscuring them from view.

Sam lunged forward and grabbed the guy. He was about the same size as the guy. The man's eyes blew wide as Sam slammed him up against the wall. "Where the fuck is my brother?" He growled.

The guy shrank away from the frantic anger in Sam's eyes and blinked rapidly. "Okay, okay…I don't know where he is at this exact moment…but I know where he _will_ be and when."

John stepped forward, having traded his gun for a seven-inch bowie knife. Which he promptly pressed against the man's throat. "Start talking." He ground out through clenched teeth.

"On the fifteenth of every month there's a series of fights. Before that all sorts of people go missing…" His voice trailed off as he tried to lean away from the blade.

Sam slammed his shoulders into the brick again. "What the hell does that had to do with Dean?" His heart was beating so fast that he was pretty sure his father could hear it. And the fear was snaking through his gut and making him feel nauseous.

"I don't know where they keep the fighters until then, I just know when and where the fights happen…that's all I know. I swear." He managed through his shaking voice. _Maybe this was a bad idea._ He thought as he looked at the two people in front of him. Neither the father nor the so looked particularly sane at the moment. It made him wonder just who the heck there were. Looks like that maniac grabbed the wrong kid this time.

"So they fight…and then what?" John pressed as he stepped closer to the guy.

The thin man gulped and then said. "It's not the fight that's the problem…it's what they do those guys before."

Sam's eyes widened and his gaze flickered to his father and then back to the man. "What are you talking about?"

"It's some sort of fear conditioning…those kids aren't sane when they get in that ring…and it's brutal." He swallowed and felt the blade lift from his throat. The guy reached up and ran his fingers over the thin line on his skin.

"Jesus…" John breathed out.

Sam's terrified gaze lifted to his father. "We gotta find him, dad."

For the first time in his life John didn't have the answer. He had no clue where to find this holding area, though he was going to interrogate the shit outta this guy…and if he was lying…_Oh God help him._

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _From the next chapter: "Dean was shoved the back through the throngs of people and into the ring. Fingers raked along his bare skin as he lost his balance and nearly landed in the crowd. The shorts he'd been given were too big and kept sagging in all the wrong places. He was so hungry that his stomach actually started cramping up painfully around the little big of water he'd managed to keep down. He'd received several more injections and been tossed in the ring a couple more times and his brain and body were done. _

_Once the gate slammed shut behind him, he glanced up to see the smaller boy from the other cage staring at him from across the ring. "No…" Dean whispered. His shoulders sagged and his knees went weak with rejection. The kid looked exactly like Sam._

_Thank you to everyone that left me a review, I appreciate them so much. Special thanks to, all the 'guests', becca65, Beakers47, dandy44, Laura's-eyes, Kaneswolf, Dean's Worshiper, kjdw, janiekm, Nina Ferraro, babyreaper, sonicblue99, Sylvie-winchester, Nova42, and WRATH77. Thanks a bunch!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: This is my way of pleading with a cherry on top for feedback.**


	5. Truth about Fight Club

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter five**

_Truth about Fight Club_

The dreams didn't make any sense anymore. Dean curled in on himself hugging his knees to his chest. He'd been left in complete darkness for…he didn't know how long. It was worse this way, not only did Dean dislike the dark…his brain wouldn't shut down…so he wasn't sleeping. And with nothing to divert his attention, the images of Sam kept playing in his head. He'd never been in complete silence before…and contrary to popular belief there really was _nothing_ like it. In the absence of sound he could literally hear the blood rushing through his head. His mind wandered again…and he let it.

Dean wondered if his father was back in town yet? It occurred to him that he didn't even know if _he_ was still in the same town or had they moved him? His father had to have figured out that his sons were missing by now. John Winchester was a lot of things but an uncaring father wasn't one of them. Almost the complete opposite. John cared to the point of fanaticism where his boys were concerned and while Sam wasn't as aware of it as Dean…it didn't mean it wasn't true. He swallowed and reached out blindly for the bottle of water. His fingers brushed the cool plastic and he wrapped his fingers around it, scrunching just to hear some noise. It actually startled him when it cracked in the silence. "I swear I'm gonna start talking to myself." He muttered into the silence.

His throat was as dry as Death Valley in September. He took a few swallows in an effort to lubricate it and then leaned back against the bars again. He hadn't even gotten the lid back on when the area flared to life as light flooded the room and Dean threw his hands up in front his face to protect his vulnerable eyes. It was kinda like getting stabbed in the head with thousands of tiny needles. He cringed at the thought of needles and his fingers absently lifted to his elbow in an unconscious motion. There was a tangible bump where he'd been stabbed and it was warm to the touch. _That's probably not good._

His eyes adjusted after a moment and he lowered his hand, waiting for his pupils to dilate enough that he could see clearly. Once again a hazy gas wafted from the vent above him and Dean threw his arm over his mouth and nose trying to avoid breathing it in…it didn't work. His vision blurred and he toppled forward. He was getting really tired of being knocked out like this. At this point he might just _walk_ to the ring if they'd just ask him…and not knock him out.

Next thing Dean knew he was climbing back toward awareness. He groaned as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. It was sticky and he was grossly reminded that he hadn't showered since he'd been taken here and it wasn't like they had a bathroom for him to avail himself of. "Would you just stop this, already." He groused. His head was pounding and he was nauseous from the gas.

The door on the other side of the ring popped open and a large black guy was shoved through. "Hey!" Dean shouted in indignation. "Why didn't he get knocked out?" The guy stared at him for a fraction of a second before he lunged. His fingers curled into claws and a crazed look in his brown eyes. "Jesus!" Dean cried as he rolled out of the way. The guy was fighting like a bull in a china shop…powerful, but not very fast or original.

Something glinted in the light and Dean groaned when he saw the blade. _This dude had been given a weapon too? Not fair! _ He ignored the pain in his legs and scrambled to another position in the cage. The guy roared at him and charged again.

"We don't have to do this." Dean said as he easily avoided the charge. He slipped to the side and used the guy's momentum against him, tripping him and sending the man's head into the thick bars. The scabs on Dean's wrists tore open and he winced as the blood trickled down his hands onto the floor.

The man was back up in a moment and he looked seriously deranged. His eyes flashing back and forth between Dean and something only he could see. Dean chanced a look over his shoulder and there was nothing there. "Sasha…" The guy mumbled and then lashed out again. This time Dean was able to slip around behind him locking him into a rear-naked-choke. He sank deeper into the hold and felt the moment when the fight went out of the man, he sank to his knees at the same time and waited for the guy's body to relax…which it did. As soon as he fell forward, Dean let go. He didn't want to kill the guy…just keep the crazy man from spilling Dean's guts all over the floor.

Applause resounded through the chamber and Dean slowly turned to see the teacher watching. The light was dim where he was standing and Dean squinted when he thought he saw a flash of black. _What the hell_? He wondered. "Nicely done…although the point is to kill your opponent not disable him."

"I'm not a killer." Dean said simply as he looked over at the still form of the other man. It was true. He wasn't a killer…of humans.

The teacher tilted his head to the side and 'tsk'd' at Dean. "I think we both know that's not exactly true."

That caught Dean off guard and he gulped when the guy moved closer to the cage. "Who are you? What do you want?"

The man raised an eyebrow and smiled. There was something cold and sinister about it. "I told you, a fighter."

"Then why drug us? What the hell does that do?" His adrenaline was wearing off and Dean could feel his injuries as he moved away from the edges of the cage. "And what about all this training you kept spouting off about?"

Brown eyes lifted to meet green and the guy gestured at the floor where the man that Dean had choked out was laying. But as Dean looked down he didn't see anything. He was alone in the cage. There was no one in there with him. "What the…" Dean spun around a few times and then blinked when his stomach complained. "Where'd he go?"

"He was never in there with you, Dean. That fight was all in your head." He watched as Dean's forehead furrowed in confusion. "Why do you think you were chosen? Certainly not for your brains. If I'd wanted smart…I would have taken your little brother." That comment had Dean surging against the bars, a feral snarl erupting from somewhere deep inside him. "There it is…that's it…that's why I chose you." A gleeful grin spread across his face and his eyes shifted from brown to black.

"Ah shit…" Dean breathed when he saw the transformation. "What are you?"

"Oh thank god…it certainly took you long enough…you haven't met something like me." The thing popped a shoulder in and out of place and the sick wet sound had Dean gulping in distaste. "I thought you hunters were supposed to be smart…but I guess Sammy got all the brains." The eyes switched back to brown and the smile died. "Oh well…I suppose if you don't work out…there's always him."

That woke Dean up. He slammed into the bars and wrapped his fingers around them as he snarled at the thing. "Don't even think about it."

"Don't _make_ me think about it." It shot back at him.

"What do I have to do?" It was the last thing that Dean wanted…to give in to this sadistic bastard. But he would do anything to protect Sam and if that meant killing…or dying? Then he would gladly do that. His hands loosened and slid down the bars as he waited for an answer.

"The clientele I work with have…particular tastes. For instance they like to see hunters go up against other hunters…but that's not as much fun when you guys can think clearly…you work together to spoil the fun. So I devised a little cocktail that allows some of my more select clients to observe what's happening in your heads…and they feed off fear." He laughed. "I suppose it's like the video games the kids are raving about…except that the fighters we control are real."

Dean stared like an idiot at the guy. All this was for some show? The image of Sam burning flitted through his head and he clenched his eyes shut and shook his head to clear the visual. "Why?"

"Why?" A laugh bubbled up and the man nearly double over as he thought about Dean's question. The kid really didn't have any clue what he was…too bad that father of theirs hadn't taught his sons everything. "Because it's fun." And with that the room blacked out. Dean sank to the floor of the ring, his back against the bars and dropped his head against his knees. He knew nothing about what he was up against and that was rule number one of his father's list. Always know what you're going up against.

He'd really thought that he was fighting that guy. What the hell was happening to him? And where would it stop? Dean knew that he was losing his grip on reality, he wasn't sure what was real anymore.

XXXX

John filled Bobby in on what they'd learned and the older hunter was spitting mad. He shook his head and glared at the guy, Danny that had brought them the information. The guy was next to useless in Bobby's opinion. He knew about what was happening to Dean, he couldn't help them locate the kid before it went too far and they lost him. His old blue eyes swiped over to Sam and he frowned. The kid was huddled on the bed, his knees pulled up beneath his chin and his arms folded around his shins. He was staring at some infomercial on television, but Bobby could tell the kid wasn't really watching it.

Bobby bit at his lower lip as something occurred to him. An angle that they hadn't looked at yet. "Are we sure it's a human that took Dean?"

Sam's head shot up and he stared wide-eyed at the two older hunters. John's gaze flashed to his son and then back to his friend. He hadn't considered that this might be retribution for something. _Damn-it! I'm sloppy where the boys are concerned!_ He condemned himself for his lack of thought. "No…we're not."

TBC…

**Author's Note**_: New chapter coming tomorrow, sorry this one is late. Spent the day traveling for the holidays. But here's what I have for chapter five. Shorter than the others, I know, but I wanted to get this out for you guys…don't worry there's so much more coming._

_Thank you to everyone that read and gave me reviews for the last chapter, please keep it up. To those who reviewed: OneInsomniaticHoosier, superchiwo, beautifulliar326, TiTivillus, dandy44, Dean's Worshiper, Nina Ferraro, reannablue, South of Eden, mb64, Beakers47, general yumi, babyreaper, ajaali, Lamarquise, and sylvie-winchester. Thanks for taking the time, much appreciated!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: Let me know if you're enjoying this little work of fiction, please.**


	6. Chapter Origins

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Six**

_Origins_

Sam stared blank-faced at his teacher. The woman had asked him a question some time ago, he could tell by the irritated look on her haggard face that she was waiting for an answer and she wasn't happy about it. He couldn't even muster enough energy to try and recall what she'd been talking about. An ache behind his eyes had him reaching up and pinching at the bridge of his nose. The other students snickered.

"Sam? Did you hear me?" The high-pitched nasal voice cut through Sam's thoughts and he pulled his gaze toward the woman and just shrugged. She frowned at the response and folded her arms across her ample chest. "Would you like to teach the class?" She asked flippantly.

Sam's eyebrows cut down. "Uh…no." _What are you kidding me?_ He thought with irritation. It wasn't like the woman knew what was going on at home. No one ever knew what was happening in his life, because he couldn't talk to anyone outside of Dean…and his father, when the man bothered to be around.

"Well, then would you like to pay attention?" She reached up and shoved her thick glasses up her bulbous nose before turning back to the blackboard. The woman had yellow chalk on her elbow he noticed absently. His eyes shifted up to the equation she was writing and he was reminded that he was in Algebra class. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Thoughts of Dean and where he was, kept pulling his attention away from what he should be paying attention to.

The science competition was at the end of the week and he just didn't care any more. None of this made any difference if he lost Dean. Sam shrank down in the seat in an effort to be more invisible to the eagle-eyed old hag teaching the class. A small part of him almost smirked at the description; it was totally something that Dean would've said. Except that he would have said it out loud. Today marked the fourth day that his older brother had been missing.

Bobby and their father had gone back to that Danny character twice trying to get more information, but the guy flat out didn't know anything else. The fight was set for Friday night and the location was some crappy barn out off of Route 6. Sam shook his head as he thought of the conversation between his father and the unfortunate man that had stepped forward to help them.

Dean had gone missing on Friday. Their father had shown up on Sunday. And by Monday Bobby was in town too and it everything was a mess. Well, not as messy as it could have been, but messy. And then Danny had found them on Tuesday and his father and Bobby had interrogated the guy for the next twelve hours until they were satisfied that he was telling the truth about what he knew. The other problem was that unfortunately, Danny knew just enough to worry the hell out John Winchester…and that was never a good thing.

Sam must have zoned out again, because the rapping of knuckles on his desk startled him and he nearly punch his teacher in the stomach. She tilted her head to the side and raised an overgrown eyebrow at him. Her muddy brown eyes lifted to the glass window in the door. Sam's gaze followed hers. Bobby was standing there. "Your uncle is here to get you. Something about your brother." She glowered at him and walked away. Her large hips swaying up the aisle in a very _non-sexy_ way as she headed back to the front of the room. The other students were staring at Sam, some were whispering, and others were simply giving him a sympathetic glance. Normally, it was a very bad thing when someone from the family pulls a student of class in the middle of the day.

A lump in Sam's throat had him swallowing before he gathered his unopened book and blank spiral bound notebook, dropping them into a simple black backpack. His eyes panned the room and then fell to the floor as he slipped past the other desks and out the door. Bobby smiled at him and ushered him outside. They were almost to the truck before the old hunter said anything and Sam was too scared to ask…so he stayed silent.

What if they'd found Dean? What if he was…the thought got lodged in his head and he wanted to scrub out the inside of his skull. _Dean was not dead._ Sam wasn't going to accept that truth. He reached out and opened the passenger side door, shoving his bag in and climbing up after it. He could smell some of the herbs that his father used to protect his gear from prying noses or the spells of certain witches. It was a slightly spicy smell that Sam could never quite figure out. One of the ingredients gave it a smell that reminded him of his father every time.

Bobby crawled in and reached down, turning the key and smiling when the engine turned over easily. He'd fixed the truck up for Sam's father on Dean's sixteenth birthday, when John had given the Impala to Dean as a present. Even their obsessed father had been able to see the emotional attachment that Dean had developed for the car. For him, it wasn't just a car…it was home. Sam blinked a few times at the burn in his eyes. He was pretty sure it was because of the dry air and not the emotions swirling around inside him.

"Sam…" Bobby started.

Sam's eyes flashed over to him and his fists clenched into tight balls of pent up energy. He stayed silent, but the older hunter could see the fear lurking just below the surface.

"We think we have a lead."

Sam sat forward and turned so he could see Bobby better. "You know where Dean is?" A tiny flicker of hope burst to life in his chest and he bit at his lower lip in anticipation. Maybe this was the break they were waiting for?

Bobby put the truck in gear and pulled out of the parking lot at the school. He sighed and watched the road carefully. "No. We don't know where he is."

And with that Sam's flicker died in a gush of ice cold water. He slumped back and folded his arms over his chest. "Then why pick me up from school? And where's my dad?"

The old hunter tried not to take the sullen response personally, but damn-it, that was hard when dealing with the Winchester boys. He loved these boys like his own. "The lead. We think this might have something to do with the case yer daddy was working in Spokane."

Sam's head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

"Yer not gonna like it." Bobby said simply as he pulled into the parking lot at the motel.

"There isn't anything about this that I like so far." Sam shot back. "So might as well tell me what you know." He thought for a fraction of a second and added. "Please."

Bobby took a deep breath. "John was hunting a demon."

Sam's eyes widened and he sucked in a ragged breath. "Demon? Those exist?"

A sardonic look from the other man had Sam rushing on. "No, I mean I know they exist…but they're here? On this plane with the rest of us?"

"Dean never told you why I became a hunter did he." It wasn't really a question and Sam found himself shaking his head 'no'. Bobby blew out a long slow breath and put the truck in park before turning to look at Sam. "My wife…she was possessed. I didn't know anything about the supernatural then and I…" His words drifted for a moment.

Sam knew that every hunter had a story like his and Deans. Someone in their life was killed by something that wasn't human. But he'd never really thought about what sent Bobby into this life. On some level he supposed that he'd always just thought that Bobby had started out as a hunter. Looking at the other man's destroyed face, he knew he'd been wrong. "What happened?" He whispered.

"You gotta understand that I had no clue what I was up against and my wife was trying to kill me." Bobby rushed on. Sam nodded but get silent. "I stabbed her…and she didn't die. That was when I knew something bad was happening…like really bad. Rufus burst through the door and sent that demon back to hell so fast…" The older man's face fell as he was bombarded with the crystal clear memory of that day. "He helped me deal with the body…I loved my wife Sam, but who ever that was in the kitchen that day…it wasn't her. That's what we're up against here…a demon."

Sam gulped and leaned against the door of the truck. It was one thing to know about the supernatural, but it was something else to know that demons walked the earth and possessed people. "And you guys think a demon has Dean?"

"Either that or possessed him. We don't know for sure."

"But…" Sam didn't know what to say next. His brain was having a difficult time processing what he'd just learned.

He wasn't prepared when his father pulled open the door he was leaning against and the sudden sensation of falling had him flailing his arms trying to grab anything. John grabbed his son before he could hit the hard ground. He tipped his head away as Sam lashed out as he tried to save himself.

A gust of wind caught the kid's long hair and flipped it into his face and for a moment all John could see was Mary. Just like with Dean, his wife had left pieces of herself in both of their sons and he found his words momentarily caught in his throat. His blue eyes flashed up to Bobby and then narrowed.

"You told him?" He growled out. "What the hell, Bobby?"

Sam slid out of the truck and landed on his feet with his fathers help. Bobby simply nodded and John groaned. He wanted Sam where he could keep an eye on the kid, but he hadn't wanted to tell him what they'd learned…not yet.

"A demon, dad?" Sam breathed. "That's a little out of our league, don't cha think?"

"Not as much as you think, Sammy." John answered. He had no intention of going into to details right now. Neither of his sons was in a place where they could handle the truth, not right now.

XXXX

Another dose of whatever that evil son of a bitch was giving him had Dean grabbing at his stomach as pain lanced through him. His ribs hurt from dry heaving and his head was slamming like rocking new years eve bash…but it wasn't a pleasant party for him. He'd finally sank to the floor, laying his hot cheek against the concrete. He'd been hoping that it would help lower the fever. Dean had never been into drugs or anything stronger than the one cigarette he'd tried when he was thirteen. His father had found him and made him smoke the entire pack, one right after the other. He'd never been so sick in his life…until now.

But he knew what certain drugs did when the body went into withdrawals. Although he definitely wasn't in withdrawal…he almost felt as though he was on the verge of over dosing. His hallucinations were getting worse. When he'd woke after the last stint in the ring, he could have sworn that he'd seen his brother. But that couldn't be right…Sam was safe with their father…wasn't he? The line between memories and visions was so blurred that he didn't trust anything anymore.

Dean drank some of the water that kept magically appearing, though he was trying not to touch the food. The warning from the kid in the hanging cage…_HA! Hanging cage…like on the Cutthroat Island movie or something._ He was doing that more and more often…drifting away from the present…off to somewhere else. Sometimes he'd fight and sometimes he'd be tortured with visions of Sam's death. He'd finally just shut down the last time. His brain was no longer able to deal with the images of a burning Sam. His captor had come in and tried to get his attention, but Dean had dropped into a catatonic state. The man had sworn and injected Dean with something new…that had sure as hell woke his ass up.

He'd spent the next few hours rocking in his cage, if he could have pace, he would have. His eyes would dart around and then back to the dim candle left burning just outside the bars. Dean found his eyes drawn to the black flame candle like nothing he'd ever seen before. Something about it mesmerized him and he'd simply stared at it until burned out…and then he'd felt like he'd lost his mother-fucking mind. He'd railed into the blackness about everything. All the things in his life that weren't fair or that he hadn't deserved…like Sam taking off on him.

He'd shaken that thought pretty quickly and then he was rolled into a sea of guilt when he thought that Sam had been taken from him by something. He'd never noticed the sweat rolling off his forehead and down his back…or the tremors that rippled through his body in a slowly building crescendo of pain. He'd blacked out somewhere in there…he wasn't a hundred percent when that had happened, but he knew he was missing time.

He crawled back to the pain that was his body and forced sticky eyelids open. He was staring at the teacher when his eyes finally focused and he lurched away from the man. An irrational anger started at his toes and worked its way up through his body until it his brain with a BANG! Dean launched himself at the bars of the cage, his face twisted into a snarl. The only thing running through his head was that this guy had killed Sammy over and over again…and he was going to rip his freaking lungs out because of that. "I'ma kill you…" Dean forced through clenched teeth.

"That's what I've been waiting for…you're ready for your first real bout." The teacher tossed a pair of MMA style shorts into the ring. "Put these on."

Dean shook his head and glared down at the black shorts. "No." He ground out.

"You don't change, I'll drug you again and I'll send you in buck-ass naked." He smiled with sinister intent. "The clients would love that."

Twenty minutes later Dean was changed into shorts that were too big and he found himself being shoved in the small of his back through throngs of people. He could feel the gazes of the people as he was pushed into the ring.

Long almost bony fingers raked along his bare skin as he lost his balance and nearly landed in the crowd. The shorts he'd been given were way too big and kept sagging in all the wrong places. He was so hungry that his stomach actually started cramping up painfully around the little big of water he'd managed to keep down. The temperature that he knew he was running was flaring droplets of sweat ran down his spine in rivulets.

He'd received several more injections through out his time here and he'd been tossed in the ring a couple more times and his brain and body were done. But this was the first time that there was a crowd and he hated the feeling of being on display. Dean knew that he put on a good show…but to be completely honest he hated people looking at him…hated being the center of attention. It had always been Sam that wanted to be seen…not Dean. The thought of Sam sent off a spiral of pain and regret as the smell of burning flesh invaded his nose and almost brought him to his knees.

Once the gate slammed shut behind him, he glanced up to a smaller boy. He appeared to be the same size as the one from the other cage…and he was staring at Dean from across the ring. It was the first time that Dean had seen the kid clearly…and his heart dropped when he could finally make out the facial features.

"No…" Dean whispered. His shoulders sagged and his knees went weak with rejection. The kid looked exactly like Sam.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _So Sam, John, and Bobby have some clues to work on. The question is, can they find Dean before his mind is destroyed and the demon get what he wants? Can Dean face the figure across from him in the ring? Is it Sam or something else? The confusion will be cleared up in the next couple of chapters. Don't worry, I DO NOT write death fics, so Dean will be returned to his bad-ass self by the end of the story and Sam will wind up in a confessional for the first time in his life._

_I can't thank you guys enough for posting the amazing reviews, like from: BranchSuper, Tricia, babyreaper, kracken96, mb64, general yumi, several (guests!), Helinahandcart, sylvie-winchester, WRATH77, janiekm, dandy44, Kaneswolf, Nina Ferraro, Beakers47, and Idreamofivan (who asked a very good question). Thank you all very very very very much!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: I just want to make sure that it's slowly clearing things up.**


	7. Mind Tricks

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Seven**

_Mind Tricks_

Dean shrank back against the bars of the cage. His fingers clawing at his temples as he tried to drown out the voices screaming at him to attack the kid. But all he could see was 'Sam'…and he couldn't hurt Sammy…not ever. A pinch on the back of his leg had him pulling it violently away from the bars and turning a withering look on the man that had just injected him with something. _This isn't going to end well._ He thought. His fever was still raging and his head felt like cotton and concrete. It was harder for him to hang onto where he was and why he was there.

An image of their father hunting something flashed in his mind and he blinked to try and recall the image…but it was gone. He shook his head as pain lanced through it and he clamped his eyes shut in the hopes that it would stop...it didn't.

The crowd surged forward and split apart as the teacher walked through, he was carrying the cattle prod and wearing one hell of frown. Dean barely acknowledge either the man or the crowd, all he could see was Sam.

The skinny boy across the ring stared at Dean like a zombie. Whatever he'd been given it hadn't done anything to make him more lucid. There was a glazed look to his eyes and he was blinking very slowly. But the moment he glanced up, Dean's heart sank…same almond shaped eyes as his little brother. A zing of pain ripping through Dean's calf had him sinking to one knee and biting his lip to keep from screaming out. Fucking cattle prod...

"You will fight, Dean." The teacher ground out. "Or I will kill you." He looked over his shoulder at the angry mob. Another jab at the young hunter had Dean stumbling further into the ring, but he still made no move to attack the other kid.

"No." It was barely a whisper and he almost couldn't believe that it had come from his own mouth…but he wasn't going to do this…he couldn't.

Dean shook his head as he tried desperately to clear and sift through his own randomly shifting thoughts. A man stepped up behind the other kid and Dean found himself lurching forward in an effort to protect the boy. The guy handed something to the boy and he watched as the kid spun around on Dean…his eyes no longer glazed but bright with anger. A feral snarl ripped through the boy as he lunged forward, the cattle prod in one hand and a ten inch blade in the other.

"Stop…" Dean stuttered as he forced his body back to his feet and moved away from the kid. He couldn't do this…fight someone that had no control…or looked like a freaky carbon copy of Sam. His leg buckled and he went down on one knee before he surged upright again and did his best to keep his distance from the kid. He kept trying to get through whatever had been done to the boy. "We don't have to fight…come on man…just think…"

"You never loved me." The boy breathed out and sprang at Dean with a lightning speed that caught the middle Winchester off guard. "You did that to me on purpose! Dragging me from home to home. I could've been normal." Rage poured off the youth in palpable waves and Dean found that he was only seeing _Sammy_ now. "You just didn't want to be alone!" He lashed out with the prod and caught Dean in the ribs. Fire raced through his side and he wrapped his arm around the area protectively.

Dean stumbled as he tried to move away and fell backward, catching the blue-arcing end of the cattle prod square in his naked chest. The shorts were hanging dangerously low on his lean hips and his entire mid-section was on fire. His world spun as the kid dug the prod deeper into his skin, splitting it and causing blood to trickle from two small wounds. But it was what the boy had said that froze Dean's heart. _Is there even a chance that Sam might feel this way? Is that why he left? Or was he taken…_

When he turned his green eyes back at his attacker he couldn't tell the difference anymore. Was this the kid from that damned hanging cage? Or had those bastards actually turned Sam against him?

"Fight me!" The _Sam-impersonator_ screamed, his face changing to a dusky red shade as uncontrollable rage poured through him. He lashed forward with the blade; it slid along Dean's shoulder leaving a long bloody trail from his collarbone to his elbow. The wound shifted between ice and fire and Dean's gaze rested there for a moment mesmerized by the blood. His eyes were drawn back to the kid in front of him and blinked slowly as his brain tried to process. Whatever they'd give him was starting to take effect, but it didn't seem to be the one that his captor wanted. The man looked seriously pissed.

Screams from the crowd turned into muddled sounds. Like when someone was yelling at him when he was swimming underwater. What about their father? Where was he? Had he abandoned Dean too? _It doesn't matter…I can't do this._

But even if it meant dying right here, right now…he couldn't fight Sam. He gulped his pain down and shook his head 'no' before curling in on himself. The not-Sam roared his anger and pummeled Dean with the cattle prod…but he never brought the knife down again.

He had no idea how long the attack went on…somewhere in the middle of it his brain just shut off and the crowd drained away along with the hateful insults this incarnation of Sam was throwing at him. But until that moment, Dean had heard everything. He'd heard what Sam really thought of him…how he felt about their lives and the way Dean had tried to protect him from it. All his worst fears were laid bare as he stayed still and folded his lengthy body into a ball trying to protect his vulnerable chest and ribs from more abuse.

Finally it was over. The crowd faded to a distant memory and still Dean laid in the center of the ring in a tight bloody ball. His body was a mass of ghastly bruises and split skin. He'd managed to protect his vital areas when his training kicked in. But he'd never struck the kid…not even when the thing had stepped into the ring and took the blade. He'd threatened to peel the skin from Dean's bones and then send the tanned hide to his family and still Dean had refused to fight the kid.

"Anyone else…please…anyone." He'd muttered this over and over again until the teacher had just beat him with the cattle prod. Dean felt every lash, every fire pull of the electricity, and every thread that had been hurdled at him and still he remained motionless on the floor.

"He's fraud!" Someone in the crowd yelled.

"You promised us a fight!" Another man called from the back of the crowd. "You promised us fear!"

XXXX

John was sitting on the side of his truck. His fingers picking at the seam in his jeans. Sam was inside the motel room asleep. He'd handled the news about Dean better than John had…but the boy wasn't sleeping and he was barely eating. It was worrying both the older hunters. Bobby had felt that it was necessary to keep Sam in the loop about things, but John had wanted nothing more than to keep Sam out of this. Hell, he would have kept Dean out of it too if he could.

When he'd left for Seattle it was because of a lead that Caleb had gotten him about a monster that burns it's victims. The more information John had uncovered about the case the more he knew that he was dealing with some truly evil…as it turned out, it was a demon. John's first and he didn't want the boys there until he had exorcised the thing. Which he had, but then he'd heard that there was more than one of them involved and by the time he'd tracked down the other host…it was gone. Just a burned out husk of a human body remaining. He'd called the boys to have them meet him in the area. It was easier to keep an eye on them that way and John wasn't sure what the other demon had planned. Dean had assured him that they would be on their way. And then he'd gotten the call from Dean…Sam was missing and he didn't know what to do.

Footsteps on the gravel startled him out of his thoughts and he turned toward the motel. Bobby stepped up next to him and held up the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue…a very expensive, yet smooth scotch that neither of the hunters drank that often.

"Thought you could use a bit of this tonight." The old hunter's eyes were buried under the brim of the trucker's cap that he always wore. His worn plaid shirt wrinkled from years of misuse and a sad smiled playing at the edges of his lips. The beard did a lot to hide what Bobby didn't want other people to know about him, but his eyes were so expressive that John had learned to read the man years ago.

A simple nod was his only response. "So it takes hunters?" John asked.

Bobby nodded. "That's what it looks like. Danny said that it likes to pit them against each other in the fights." The older hunter took a long swig of the whiskey and handed the bottle to John. This was one bad son of a bitch that they were tracking. He'd made some calls and learned some more about that little exorcism that John had performed in Seattle. Yeah, he'd managed to send one of the demons back…but the one that got away? That was the brains of the operation and the demon that John had caught that was its brother. He hadn't even known that demons had families…at least not like the traditional family unit. _So yeah…we're dealing with something completely new to both of us._

"I think we need to find some bait. Needs to be someone that the demon will come after." John grabbed the bottle and tossed back a swallow before handing it back to the other man. "Can't be you…so it's gotta be me."

Bobby nearly choked on his whiskey. "An what happens to Sam if you die?" He blinked at his friend as shock registered on his face. "That kid will have lost his brother and his father in one night. How's he supposed to recover from that?" _He won't._ Bobby thought immediately.

"He won't. Sam's sensitive and that would break him. But he can't lose Dean…not like this…that'll kill him too." John answered honestly. He leaned against the truck bed and kick at the tire with the back of his boot. His breath was foggy up as he breathed and he blew out a ring of crystalized air before continuing. "That's why you gotta take him if this goes south."

"Come again?" Bobby shot back. He pushed away from the truck and moved to stand in front of John. "I can't raise a child…specially not one that's lost his whole family to demons." The truth was…Bobby was scared of what would happen to Sam if he lost his only anchors to reality…his brother and his father.

"And I can't lose Dean because I'm afraid to go after what took him." John breathed out. Inside he was panicked…the demon had had Dean for five days…there were two more before the matches and God only knows what it could do between now and then. Chances were good that Dean was already gonna be pretty messed up because of what Sam pulled, but to add on a monster playing with his mind? How does a person come back from that? And if they do, are they the same person? John wasn't willing to find out.

XXXX

Sam leaned against the window and his shoulders sagged in defeat. They were going to try and leave him home while they went to save Dean. He clenched his teeth in anger at both his father and Bobby. There was no way that he could live with himself if Dean died and he hadn't been trying to save him. Their father had spent their entire lives teaching them to hunt the things that prowl the night and now he thought that he could just leave Sam out of this? Out of the most important hunt that they'd ever been on?

The guilt surged to the surface and Sam frowned in agitation. He had to be part of the rescue…he had to be. The front door of the motel opened and he hurried to bury himself back under the covers. He'd learned a long time ago that the one thing that gave him away was his breathing. So he evened that out and waited until his father had opened the door and watched him for a moment and then the soft 'snick' of the door closing.

Sam shot out of the bed like a man on fire. He grabbed his gear and hurried to throw on appropriate clothes before prying the window open and climbing out of it. He thought to grab a thick jacket and a blanket; since riding in the truck bed of his father's pickup was really gonna suck. His gaze flickered to the motel room, he could see two figures in the living room so he carefully lifted the tunnel cover and crawled inside. Sam shivered in the cold and quickly wrapped the blanket around his legs and upper body, trying to create a barrier between himself and the floor of the truck.

Luckily for him, Dean had insisted that he buy a new coat for the new school year. For once, his older brother had won out against their father's cheap nature. Sam was sporting a top of the line ski parka that he'd never been so grateful for. He laid in the bed of the truck for about an hour before his finally came out and fired up the engine and they started moving. Whatever happened? Sam was damned sure gonna be involved.

XXXX

When Dean started to shift as he worked back toward awareness he found he wasn't able to move at all. He was folded in on himself like a slinky and his body was thrumming in pain. It was also freezing. His skin was covered in goosebumps and his hands were shaking as he lifted them to his face. Dean swallowed when he realized that he wasn't in the cage on the ground anymore…he was suspended in one of the hanging cages. His clothes still missing and his body a mass of agony from the previous day. His shoulder was on fire and his temperature was worse. He could feel the cold sweat running down his back and the soft 'thwerp' as it hit the ground beneath him.

"You should have fought, Winchester." The familiar voice of the teacher said. He lit a match and one of the black flame candles flared to life in front of Dean. Nothing was holding the candle…it was floating in mid-air.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "I told you before…I can't…"

"Yes, you did. Didn't you. Well, then I guess I'll have to get the real thing…" It didn't even get a chance to finish before Dean was begging.

"That wasn't Sammy?" He tried to twist so he could see better, but he didn't have the room to move. "Please, leave him out of this. Just kill me if that's what you want. But Sam's got nothing to do with this. He's a good kid." Dean would have kept going but the bastard jabbed the cattle prod into the wound on his shoulder and he screamed in agony as fire shredded his nerves.

"Shut up, Dean." He said as he pulled now bloody prod away. "It isn't you I want…it never was."

Dean's eyes shifted and he bit at his lip to keep from whimpering in pain. His left hand was covering the wound. The skin was puckered and hot to the touch…_so infection on top of everything else…great._ But his mind was also listening to everything this asshole had to say. If it wasn't after Dean or Sam…then it was after. "Dad." He whispered.

"Give the man a cigar." The teacher said as he clapped loudly.

"He's not here…and he's not stupid." Dean blinked slowly, his eyes watering from the pain. "He ain't falling for this."

"Like you did?"

Dean winced at the remark, but stayed silent.

"I know that he is here and that he will come…for you." A laugh echoed through the room and Dean found his blood turning to ice in his veins. "And then he's gonna watch you die."

He shook his head in silent denial. If their father came after him and he died in the attempt…who would take care of Sammy? That had to be their first priority…always.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Okay, so here's the next chapter. Next one has John facing the teacher for the first time…with a tiny surprise in the back. Bobby's gonna pissed when he realizes that Sam gave them the slip and Dean is slipping fast due to the treatment from the demon. _

_Please excuse any continuity errors, as I said in the beginning I don't have a Beta and I am posting these within hours of finishing the chapters. So there's no time for me to do really proper proof reading. Sorry for that, just want to get this out for you guys._

_Once again, you guys are awesome and thank you so much for the reviews, specially…becca65d, BranchSuper, babyreaper, Nova42, kracken96, Beakers47, Idreamofivan, sonicblue99, mb64, janiekm, Nina Ferraro, Sylvie-winchester, dandy44, and smilingbella._

**PLEASE REVIEW: Please let me know if I need to clear anything else up, or if this is coming together for you guys.**


	8. Lies upon Lies

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Eight**

_Lies upon Lies_

The road rumbled noisily under the tires of the old truck. The cold steel floor of the truck bed was as uncomfortable as Sam had thought it would be. The ridges were pressing into his hips, the cold making it worse...and his entire body freaking hurt. He shifted slightly and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. The inside of the old truck smelled like his father's herbs too and he wondered if his dad had a whole kit of the strange ingredients in the large steel box that the man carried all his gear?

That was an interesting difference between Dean and their father. While Dean kept everything in some sort of organized chaos…_that only he understood…_their father had everything separated and stored in specific compartments. It was the same way that Sam would have stored the gear, if anyone had ever bothered to ask his opinion…_which they hadn't._ Every now and then he saw glimpses of himself in his father. That had pissed him off on more than one occasion when he'd realized that he was far more like their father than Dean was. Since Sam had never known their mother, he could only assume that the parts of his older brother that were different went because of her. That unfailing need to protect everyone around them. The only thing that his older brother had really inherited from their dad had been their father's obsession with finding the thing that had killed mom.

_Oh, and his hate. _Sam thought ironically.

Dean had inherited John Winchester's undying hatred of all things supernatural. If there was one thing that Sam had never fully understood, it was Dean's need to get involved in the world that had killed their mother. Even though he was aware that it had irrevocably changed their world, Sam didn't feel a special urge to track and kill the monsters that lived in the world with them. He would have been just as happy to live out his entire life as a normal person with no knowledge of those things. Get married, have a family of his own, and go to some lame job that paid him every two weeks.

He stretched his shoulders a bit when they started to cramp and watched as a ray of light penetrated the edge of the black cover over the pickup bed. Something occurred to him that he'd never thought of though…if they didn't know what they do, about what was really out there…and something had taken Dean…how would they ever have found him? Where would a normal person go looking for their loved one? And what would they do when they found them and realized that something was wrong?

_Put the person in an Asylum?_ A shiver ran through Sam at the thought of Dean trussed up in a mental ward trying to convince the staff that he'd seen a demon? _They'd never believe him. Dean wouldn't survive something like that. _ He thought sadly. His older brother needed people to believe in him. That was one of Dean's greatest strengths…and a flaw to be exploited by their enemies. And then there was his older brothers _greatest_ weakness…_family_. Dean would do anything for him or for their father.

It hadn't ever occurred to Sam to be worried by Dean's incessant need for their family unit. But as he considered it more and more he knew that that was the way to break his big brother…use himself or their father as a bargaining chip.

Another chill worked its way down his spine and Sam knew that they needed to find Dean and fast. If that son of a bitchin demon had figured that out, then there might not be much of his brother to save. He gulped back the pain that thought evoked and shook his head. The beanie cap that he'd borrowed was Dean's and he got a gentle whiff of the cologne that his brother always wore. It was an almost spicy or woodsy scent and it made his stomach ball into a knot of apprehension.

"Dean…" He murmured softly.

The old truck rolled to a stop and he shrank in on himself as the engine cut out. He had no idea where his father had been headed. Sam simply knew that he needed to be there for Dean. This was his fault…if he hadn't taken off then Dean wouldn't even have been in town. So there was no way that he would have been taken by that demon. _I'm going to fix this, Dean. I am._ He swore a silent oath to God or anyone that might be listening.

The driver's side door squeaked as his father climbed out of the cab. He must have had whatever weapons he wanted already with him, because he didn't open the back looking for more. Sam was grateful for that. If his father knew that he'd stowed away in the bed of the truck…whoa was he gonna get a beating. Okay, well not a _beating_…but he'd definitely get extra training duty and less time in the libraries for his school studies. Although at the moment he didn't give a damn about school. The gravel crunched under his father's boots as he moved away from the truck.

Sam stayed still and silent until he was positive that his father was gone and then he carefully moved and grabbed the release latch inside the cover. It lifted slowly and he peaked out. The first thing he saw was a large barn off to the right, then he saw...

A large field with trees lining the edges was all he could see in every other direction. _Why would they keep Dean here?_ He wondered before sliding out of the truck bed and landing on his boots. He stomped his feet a few times to get the blood moving again. Pins and needles shot through his legs and he grimaced at the uncomfortable feeling. Sam reached back into the truck and pulled his backpack out. It no longer contained his books or schoolwork…but his silver Taurus and extra ammunition. He glanced around; making sure that his father wasn't heading back his way. When he saw nothing but the softly lifting fog he shoved open the weapons cache. Inside he found what he was looking for, a bottle full of holy water, _he hoped it wasn't frozen,_ and several long blades made of either iron or silver. He grinned before grabbing one of each.

Sam had done some research after Bobby had told him what they were dealing and he knew that holy water was his best bet, but the silver and iron could do some damage as well. He also pulled out the smaller first aid kit and shoved it into his bag before gently closing the lid and locking the tunnel cover back in place on the truck. A slice of gratitude raced through him that his father hadn't noticed the missing lock. Or he would have been found out back at the motel and his ass would have been grass.

The soft call of an unknown bird had him spinning and looking off into the distance. He squinted several times and then laughed sardonically when he saw a large abandoned building off on the horizon. That seemed like as a good place to start as any. He shrugged the heavy pack into place and started walking. His breath was misting in front of his face in puffs of white and he wondered what the temperature was…and whether or not Dean was okay in the cold.

XXXX

Dean's body was nearly numb except for the shivering. He couldn't feel his legs anymore, the blood having been pinched because of his forced position. His shoulder was a blazing fire of pain ad heat, so much so that it was getting most of his focus. The rummy feeling inside his head made him feel like maybe he was floating.

Thoughts turned into memories and feelings into equal parts regret and guilt. The black flame candle continued to burn in front of his cage and Dean found that he couldn't pull his gaze from it. Inside the flames he could see his mother screaming. She'd flicker and then it would shift to Sammy…Dean wanted nothing more than to alleviate their pain…but he couldn't do anything more than watch and feel...and it was agonizing for him.

Oh, and then there was the smell. He remembered hearing about how the human memory was so tied to a person's sense of smell that they could be transported by one whiff of something traumatic or pleasant. In his case it was the burning…and then whatever the black flame was doing to him...it was keeping him locked inside the painful memories.

The overhead lights flared up and he threw his face into his shoulder in an effort to protect his eyes. Noises from below him had him blinking against the tears that formed on the edges of his vision as he tried to see what was happening. The flame on the candle puffed out and it fell to the ground, rolling to the feet of the teacher…and the baseball jock.

"See, I told you I'd take care of him." The man turned to the kid and patted him on the shoulder. "It was a good deal…wasn't it?" The eyes flashed black and the kid jerked involuntarily before nodding. "Want to see me shred what's left of his sanity?" A grin spread across the man's face like a child on Christmas morning. The jock nodded again...albeit more slowly and with no enthusiasm. "Watch this."

He waived his hand and something floated out from behind Dean. The body was twisted into a mangled position the face hidden beneath a mop of sable locks. The young lithe body was covered in burns that could be seen through his clothing and those marks could only have been made by the cattle prod.

Dean's breath froze and his mouth dropped open in a silent 'no'. He forced his hands up and grabbed the bars of his hanging cage. The bloody knuckles turning white as he grasped with all his might at the iron bars of his prison. The dark puffy jacket and grey converse shoes exactly like the ones he'd bought Sam at the start of the school year.

"Sammy…" He whispered in a cracked voice. And it sounded like a broken animal's cry as it was torn up from his soul. Dean leaned his head against the bars and his entire body slumped forward in grief. The fuzzy parts of his brain took over and he let the tears fall. No longer caring that anyone was watching. He'd failed.

Josh watched as the other kid slumped in anguish and he found that that actually made him _feel_ something. He drew his eyebrows together in realization…he'd done this. He'd invited this man into his life and then he'd handed the thing, Dean Winchester. Lacy wasn't worth that…she wasn't worth his soul. He gulped as it finally occurred to him what he'd done…what he'd given up…for a girl.

"Uh…I gotta check in with my folks." He muttered and moved away from the grin on the man's face and the angst radiating off of Winchester.

The demon looked over the boy and rolled his eyes before shrugging. He had what he wanted from the boy…granted he had to wait for ten years, but that was fine. As his eyes rolled to black and he looked back at Dean he couldn't help the glee that flooded his body. It was like an adrenaline high…seeing the boy suffer. He floated the body closer to the cage and Dean actually whimpered and pressed away from the corpse. He kept his gaze averted…and it was amazingly wonderful to the demon. Rather than pulling the body away he secured it in the cage next to Dean's. He made sure that the face was turned the other way, Dean would tear apart his own mind just looking at the body...no need to spoil the fun.

"Always a pleasure, Dean." He purred before turning toward the shadows. Almost as an after-thought he threw another shot at Dean. "Wouldn't have happened if you'd just fought…he might have been injured…but he wouldn't be dead."

Tears dripped off the end of Dean's nose and he laid his head against his folded knees. The ache in his lower back and the heat in his shoulder a dim reminder that he didn't have much time left…and now he didn't _want_ to be rescued. "I'm sorry, Sam." He moaned.

XXXX

Sam approached the old building in stealth mode. He'd crouched down and was moving through the tall dried weeds, rather than making a bee-line for the large entrance. The wind was rippling through the trees and the scrape of the dried wild plants was helping to hide any sound of his approach. He dropped to his belly when a small door on the side opened and a kid stepped out into the light.

_Josh?_ He recognized the kid from school. Some sports guy that had been dating the chick that Dean had scoped out for a potential conquest. Sam had told his older brother that his libido was gonna get them into trouble one of these days. But he hadn't expected that the kid would be involved in Dean's disappearance. Anger flooded into Sam's veins and he ground his teeth together as he forced himself to stay low. He watched as the kid started through the brush…and he was headed straight for Sam.

Maybe if he'd had more time to make a decision, he wouldn't have done was he did. But Sam swallowed his anger and waited for the kid to get close enough before he lunged up out of the weeds and tackled the guy to the ground. He might not have been able to do it, if he hadn't known exactly where to aim the strike to the inside of the larger boy's knee. The nerve fired up and the kid cried out before his leg gave out and he collapsed in front of Sam.

"Arg…" His hand going automatically to the pained area.

Sam sprang forward and wrapped the same sleeper hold that Dean had used on him numerous times. "Where's my brother?" He growled out. Sam knew that the older student had at least thirty pounds on him, but chances were pretty good that he didn't have the training that Sam did. So as long as he kept the chokehold locked, he could control the situation.

Josh wheezed an answer and Sam had to loosen the hold slightly so he could hear it. "What?"

The kid tried again, his voice a breathy version of its normal deep timbre. "He's inside…" He shifted, but didn't try to get away. "Please…I'm sorry…I didn't know." His fingers had finally found their way to Sam's hold and he pulled ineffectually at it.

"How do I find him?" Sam pressed. He tweaked the hold so that he could hear the answer better, but he didn't release the pressure.

"I'll show you." A tear slipped down the boys cheek and he slumped down into a seated position. "I didn't know what he was…I'm so sorry."

This time Sam believed him. He slowly loosened the hold and slid around so that he was in front of the kid, he pulled his Taurus as he did, cocking it without thinking. The boy's brown eyes slid down to the gun and flashed back up to meet Sam's icy blue-green gaze. "Is he alive?" Sam forced out passed the denial.

Josh nodded and swallowed thickly before reaching up and brushing the tears from his cheek. "But he's not gonna be for long."

"What?!" Sam squeaked. He dropped to his knees in front of the other boy and grabbed his shoulder's forcing him to look the youngest Winchester in the eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

"The teacher…he knows your dad's coming…and Dean's dead the second he sees that man." Sorrow filled every word and Sam gulped before hauling the kid to his feet.

"Show me. Now. Are there others?" The boy nodded.

"Three more...Don't know where they came from...but they're not as bad off as Dean." Josh's head fell forward in shame at his own selfish need to damage Dean.

Sam shook his head and bit at his lip as he considered his options. A part of him knew that he needed to find his father and call in Bobby. But if the trigger for Dean's death was just the sight of their father? Well then, Sam was just gonna have to go in without the man. He did pull out his cell phone and shoot a quick text to Bobby.

_Bobby, sorry I ditched you. Found Dean. Can't tell Dad or Dean dies. Could use the backup. Old abandoned factory off Route 3. Come fast! –Sam_

He hit send and hauled the kid to his feet. "Let's go."

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Oh Sammy…what have you got yourself into? The next chapter has all the answers and the rescue. Sorry, thought I was gonna have John actually meet the teacher first, but then the chapter sorta wrote itself and it turned out that Sam is going in after Dean. Hope you all enjoy the newest angst-fest that is this story. The holidays just bring it out in my inner-writer. _

_Thank you to all of you awesome readers that have continually read and reviewed this story. Soon as it's done, I have another one in the works for the final days through New Years…so lots of new angst and hurt Winchesters in store. Thank you to the following readers: HpDork FreakaZoid, BranchSuper, mb64, Taraneh, nawalhussain, guest, Beakers47, janiekm, Nina Ferraro, DearHart, Sylvie-winchester, and Dean's Worshiper. Much gratitude for the continued reivews._

**PLEASE REVIEW: Keep in the loop about whether or not there is something that isn't making sense.**


	9. Friend or Foe

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY Please excuse any problems with proof reading on this one.**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Nine**

_Friend or Foe_

Bobby was swearing all the way out to his car. The text message from Sam hadn't given him much to go on. And John was going to be seriously pissed with his youngest…and maybe Bobby too. Although, it wasn't the first time that Sam had given one of them the slip…obviously. Since that was what had started the whole thing.

So his only real lead was that he knew that Sam was out there tracking the thing that had taken Dean. The thing that was sadistic and pissed enough at the boy's father to take and use Dean as bait. Which meant that if it got a hold of Sam, it could manipulate Dean and John in ways that defy description. _What the hell had that kid been thinking?_

The road flew by as he pressed the gas pedal to the floor. The old engine whining as Bobby coxed more speed out of it. Good thing he'd done that work on the engine lately. These Winchesters were gonna be the death of him. _Especially Sam and Dean._ He thought absently. He passed the turn for Route 2 and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was so kicking that boy in the ass when he caught up with him.

XXXX

Sam followed the jock into the dark interior of the old building. His nose wrinkling at the foul smell inside. Like rotten eggs mixed with dirty moldy socks. He gulped down the distaste and slid along the wall. There was very little light and he knew that he was taking a huge chance trusting this guy. But something in the way that he'd looked in the field made Sam think that he could. He was pretty sure Dean would slap him up one side and down the other for even considering trusting the dirt bag. But he couldn't chance coming in here completely blind. And there was no way in hell he _wasn't_ coming after Dean.

"It's this way." Josh whispered and pointed down a dark set of stairs.

_Why is it always the scary ass basement?_ Sam wondered as he pulled his lower lip between his teeth in apprehension.

Sam squinted into the darkness. He couldn't see much of anything, but he could hear something at the bottom of the stairs. It was a soft wheezing sound, could've been a voice or a rat…_God I hope it's not a rat._ Neither him nor Dean liked the skittery little creatures…with their beady freaking eyes and long teeth. "This better not be a trap." Sam growled softly. He leaned toward the other boy. "Because I will kill you if it is." It wasn't a threat it was a promise. One that, in that moment, Sam was positive he would keep.

Josh turned brown eyes in his direction; a chill ran along his spine at the cold look in Sam's eyes. "It's not. I want out…something tells me that you're my only chance." He looked down at the floor and then started down the steps ahead of Sam.

Sam had no clue what Josh was talking about, but it did assuage his fears somewhat. He reached down and pulled out the holy water before following Josh to the lower level. His pistol gripped tightly in his other hand. They were moving slowly along the wall, so neither of them was prepared when the entire area flared with bright white lights.

They both stumbled to a stop and reached up to shield their eyes. Sam brought the gun up and pointed it out in front of him. After a moment his eyes adjusted a bit and he was able to make out several hanging cages. Most of them appeared to be empty…except one near the back of the room. Sam scanned the area; he had no clue what had set off the lights. But as his gaze landed on the one occupied cage, he no longer cared.

There hanging from a chain in a cage, like some god-damned bird was Dean…in a tiny that was far too small for someone over six feet tall. Dean's head was lolling against the thick bars of the cage. Sam couldn't see his face, but he was shocked at the shape of his brother's body. He was naked from the waist up. A multitude of deep purple bruising covered his side and there was a ghastly gash across his shoulder. Beneath the cage was a puddle that appeared to be a mixture of blood and sweat…or maybe some other body fluids. Sam wasn't exactly sure, but the whole thing made his skin crawl and his stomach churn in rage.

That son of a bitch had done this to Dean. His gaze flashed to Josh, who wouldn't meet his eyes, before he was rushing forward in an attempt to get Dean's attention. _Oh God…please don't let me be too late._ He prayed as he slid to a stop just beneath the cage. Sam hadn't realized that it was suspended more than twelve feet off the ground. And he couldn't see where the chain was anchored.

"Dean?" He called in a desperate whisper. A flutter of fear moved through his heart when he saw no response from his big brother. Dean would crawl back from the brink of death if Sam called him…if there was one thing that he knew; it was that his brother loved him. He looked over at Josh and gestured with the gun. The kid moved toward him, his hands clasped together and the knuckles white from wringing them together. "What's wrong with him?"

"I…I don't know exactly. They kept injecting him with some drug." He finally lifted his eyes and then looked away quickly at the anger radiating off the younger Winchester.

"What was the drug supposed to do?" Sam knew that Dean didn't do any type of drugs. Never had. Okay, well he would sneak a beer or two from their father, but that was it. If they'd been giving Dean something to alter his perception, then what did that mean for his brother? What the hell did Dean think was real at this point? Because their lives were screwed nine ways to Sunday without any help…

"He kept calling your name…that's all I know. I swear." Josh said as he backed away from Sam.

"Oh Dean…" Sam whispered and lifted his gaze back to his brother's beaten body.

The lights flipped out and Sam found himself in complete darkness. Josh whimpered and must have fallen, because Sam heard the scuffle of feet and then a thump. He carefully backed up to where he knew that the wall had been. Once he had his back up against it, he lowered himself into a crouch.

"So it is true…if you built it…they will come." A voice that Sam vaguely recognized lilted through the air and he pulled in a slow breath before rising back to his feet.

"What did you do to my brother?"

A flame flickered to life and Sam was able to make out the outline of a man beneath Dean's cage. His brother shifted and then a moan of pain, like nothing Sam had ever heard, split the air. The candle rose until it was floating right in front of Dean's cage…his older brother's green eyes were wide open and unblinking as he stared at the black flame.

"It's just a memory loop…with some enhancements." The man said as he stepped under the softly glowing light. Sam blinked in confusion. His hand started shaking and the silver flask of holy water flipped out of his grasp and slid across the floor. "Now that's not very nice."

"Mr. Willis?" He asked before moving along the wall to a better vantage point. "What the hell are you doing?"

Willis titled his head in condemnation. "I think you know." His eyes flashed black and Sam gasped at the very real situation he now found himself in. He'd never seen an actual demon and was more like looking into the darkest depths of a twisted soul...

He'd thought that if he could find Dean…he could get his brother out of the area before the demon even suspected anything. But as he considered what he was now faced with, that didn't seem like a very viable plan any more. He clenched his teeth together as Dean shifted and a hiss of pained anguish erupted from his brother's chest. Sam's eyes lifted and he winced when he saw the raised flesh along the wound on the arm.

_Infected big time._ He thought silently. He never forgot that the demon wasn't that far away from either him or Dean…but he also tried to keep an eye on what was happening in that cage. Something about that candle had literally woke Dean up. "Would you like to see?" Willis asked before stepping forward and suddenly the cage was lowering itself to the ground.

Sam stood frozen to his spot on the stone floor. His heart thumping in his chest like a set of bongo drums. His eyes were focused on his brother as the cage settled on the floor and popped open. Dean literally rolled out of the thing onto the floor, his eyes still glued to the flame on the candle. Sam's eyes flashed up to the demon. "What have you done?" He whispered.

Dean's body was covered in multi-colored bruises. The older ones starting to take on the sickly yellow and green hue of healing, while the newest ones were a deep amethyst color. The shorts were barely hanging on as Dean stayed crouched on the floor, his eyes lifted up to the candle. Sam's sucked in a shocked breath when he saw the gash on his brother clearly. It stretched from just below his neck down to his elbow and it was a nasty red color. Sam swallowed and stepped toward Dean.

It all happened in the blink of an eye. The flame on the candle winked out and they were dropped into darkness. A howl of anguish cut through the air and it took a moment for Sam to realize that it had come from Dean. "Sammy…oh god...no."

The demon laughed and the sound echoed through the basement. It sent chills racing through Sam and he stumbled forward toward the sound. All he wanted was to see his brother.

"I wouldn't if I were you." The demon said into the darkness.

Sam ignored it and moved forward carefully. He pushed his gun into the waistband of his jeans and stretched his arms out in front of himself. "Dean?" he called softly. A skitter of sound echoed back and Sam took a deep breath. "Dean? It's Sam."

In a moment something solid slammed into Sam's mid-section and he doubled over in pain. He dropped to his knees and threw his leg out sending his attacker to the ground. He couldn't see anything and he wasn't sure who was attacking him. Was it Josh? Or maybe…the demon? A loud "umph" was his only answer. Fingers wrapped around Sam's ankle and he was pulled toward his attacker, his own nails crawling into the floor. A forearm smashed down on his lower leg and he heard the distinct sound of something cracking. Fiery pain lanced up his leg and he bit through his lip trying not to cry out.

Sam kicked back with his good leg, catching the guy in the face. "Argh…"

The sound of Dean's voice froze Sam in his spot. He'd just kicked his drugged brother in the head and his drugged brother had just broken his leg. Dean clawed at the leg and rolled over until he was able to slide Sam under him, just as his fist descended the lights flared on.

Sam gasped when he recognized Dean. He threw his hands up to try and protect his face, but it was Dean's recognition of Sam that stopped the debilitating blow. His brother scrambled backwards, the blood from his nose running down his face where Sam's kick had connected. His hands pulled at his temples in clawed versions of his fingers. Dean's bright green eyes were wide in horror as he tried to understand what he was seeing.

"Sam…No…no…you're dead…you're dead…" The broken voice sliced through Sam like a white hot blade.

Dean shook his head and continued scrambling away from his little brother. The demon laughed and clapped jubilantly.

"Oh my god…I couldn't have planned that better." He stepped forward and Sam found himself pinned to the floor on his back. Dean was slammed was into the wall with the chains, his eyes still wide with confusion. "Guess I get two for the price of one."

Sam tried to roll over, but the more he strained against the invisible bonds, the tighter they got. Now he could smell the sulfur that had been hidden from him when he'd entered the building. His leg was sheer agony, but when he looked at his brother and the tattered look on Dean's face…he kept silent.

XXXX

Dean was locked inside his memories. He knew that he seen Sam…but had it been the real Sam? Or were they trying to trick him. His head felt as though an ax was trying to split it open. He blinked as he looked down at the boy on the floor…with his leg twisted under him and a pleading expression in his familiar blue-green eyes. Something popped inside Dean and guilt flooded in… "Sammy…" He'd hurt Sam.

Just behind the guilt rage flooded through him. Dean screamed and the veins stood against his pale skin as he strained against the demon hold. The demon was moving silently toward Sam and the sight of his brother's eyes going wide in fear and pain was almost more than he could handle. "Leave him alone!" He growled out. Shivers racking through Dean's body as he struggled.

"Oh, I'm not going to touch him…you are." It hissed with a grin.

Sam blinked and his eyes flashed to Dean's. "Wh…what?"

"Did you think I was going to let this pass by? An opportunity to watch you two destroy one another…"

XXXX

John swore when he stomped back to his pickup. The weather was shifting and there was a storm coming into the area. Any tracks that were out there were going to disappear as soon as that cloud opened up. He hadn't found any sign of Dean or that damned demon near the barn. His cell phone had been silenced the whole time in an attempt not to alert anyone or anything of his approach. A crack of thunder pulled his gaze up and the smell of ozone told him he didn't have much time.

He reached into his pocket and pulled the phone out. John had several missed text messages…they were from Bobby. "Damn-it Bobby…" He opened the messages and his blood froze.

_Sam went after Dean. He's off route 2…he tagged along with you. Went to the old warehouse. Meet me there. –Bobby_

"Jesus Christ…" John breathed. He shook his head and brought his hand to his face scrubbing it down in a combination of fear and frustration. He grabbed his phone and dialed Bobby's number.

Bobby picked up after one ring. "John…how fast can you get here?"

"Why? What happened?" John asked as he went to the back of the truck and opened the box, searching for more weapons. He leaned his phone between his cheek and his shoulder; another crash of thunder had him throwing his gaze in that direction.

"Sam went inside. I couldn't catch him fast enough…pretty sure that bastard is inside with him…"

John stopped and leaned against the truck bed for a moment. _Am going to lose them both here? _He glanced up. _Mary, watch out for our boys…just till I get there._ "Is Dean there?" He almost couldn't bring himself to ask.

"I don't know. But chances are pretty good. It's the abandoned factory behind the hill off the highway." Bobby said quickly. His own eyes were pinned on the door…the only door into the place. The change in weather couldn't be a good sign.

"I'm on my way." John barked out as he slammed the lid shut and took off at a run.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _And now John's on the way and it's getting heated. Sam and Dean are in the same place and the demon isn't done messing with them. Bobby's closer and going in first but can Sam and Dean come together to save each other? Next chapter will let you know. Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter…dandy44, janiekm, nurple-girl, Dean's Worshiper, Beakers47, kracken96, Nina Ferraro, babyreaper, Idreamofivan, sylvie-winchester, and DearHart. Much appreciation to you all!_

_To all of you that celebrate Christmas, hope it was a Merry one. And to those of you that don't, hope you had an excellent day!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: We're on the cusp of rescue, so please let me know what you think so far.**


	10. John's Choice

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Ten**

_John's Choice_

Dean stared at the teacher, his eyes whirling as he processed. The air was damp and cold; his skin prickled with goose bumps and his head was throbbing. The smell of the place like nothing he'd ever dealt with before. He was used to dealing with the smell of death…but here all he smelled was fire and scorching flesh. It was awful. The confusion was the worst though. The mere fact that he couldn't trust his own thoughts and memories was pulling him apart in ways that were more than disturbing, they were terrifying. A horrifying thought occurred to him in a rare moment of lucidity…had he hurt Sam? Was that who attacked him? Or was it more of the demon's trickery?

He wanted nothing more than to rub his tired eyes, but his hands were pinned to his sides. The heat from the shoulder wound was starting to pinch painfully as he tried to pull his arm free.

Keeping his mind focused on what was going on was nearly impossible. And then there was the kid on the stone floor. Right there on the floor in front of him was a version of Sam. At least he thought it was Sam. He'd seen Sam die…over and over again. His mind again dropped into contemplation as he tried desperately to understand what had been done to him. And then there was the body in the ring…hadn't that been Sammy? If it was then what was he looking at now? A shape-shifter or had some pathetic demon actually possessing Sam's body and they were playing at some larger game?

So many questions ran through his mind that Dean found he couldn't even keep his thoughts straight. _What's happening to me? _He'd never been overly thoughtful about anything...except maybe Sam...and this situation was hauling up all his own insecurities. What if he lost his brother to demons? How could he ever live with that...he knew the answer..._he couldn't._ But what if this wasn't even Sam? Over and over he turned this one decision.

Either way…whatever the thing had been he wasn't going to fall for its ruse. But he wasn't going to attack the creature either…because what if, on the off chance, it _was_ Sam? "Did you hear me, Dean? I said you do it…because if I do…well that would be very bad. " The man asked as he stepped forward and actually knelt next to Sam. His hand lashed out and he slammed it into the broken leg. The kid screamed out as the broken bone was pushed through the skin and a simple broken leg became a compound fracture, his jeans staining red in seconds.

"Dean!" Sam cried out as pain lurched through him. He ground his teeth together and wrapped his hands around the upper leg, the fibula no protruding in the low light.

"No." Dean breathed out. His glassy eyes lifting to meet the man. "I won't."

Dean's head was suddenly slammed backwards into the wall and he felt his consciousness slipping as he faded into darkness. His last thoughts were of the kid on the floor…what if it _was_ Sammy?

XXXX

Sam found his way back to awareness through a reddish haze of pain. He groaned when he tried to haul himself up onto his elbows and then instantly regretted the action when his leg blazed with fiery agony. He dropped his head into his hands for a moment as he gathered his thoughts together. _What do I know? I know that Dean is here…and that he's in seriously bad shape._ The memory of his brother breaking his leg had him clenching his teeth together. He knew that Dean hadn't known what he was doing, but Sam would have bet anything that his older brother would never hurt him.

There was also the knowledge that none of this would be happening if he hadn't tried to run away. Whatever long-term damages his brother had deal with…that was ultimately his fault and that hurt like hell. _How can I absolve myself of the guilt? Should I even be allowed to_…Sam cut off that line of thinking, it wasn't productive? After a moment he realized that he wasn't alone. Sam flipped over onto his back and scooted so that he was sitting up. His leg twisted and tears sprang to his eyes as he reached down and tried to keep it from moving again. He glanced up and his eyes blew wide in shock. Across the ring from his was Dean.

His brother was out cold on the floor, but Dean's breathing was even and a little fast. Sam gulped and shook his head as he looked around the caged ring. Wires were running along the edges, you wouldn't want to roll into those…they cut the crap out of a person. The lights were bright white and flooding through the area. The cages had been removed and the weapons lying scattered throughout the cage surprised Sam. There were several blades, a machete, and even something that looked like a wicked sharp mace.

_What the hell is all this for?_ Sam wondered silently…and then he remembered. The demon liked to pit hunters against other hunters…and he and Dean totally fit the bill. Even more so because the thing was pissed at their dad, so one way to destroy John Winchester was to take out his sons. And if it could be done in a dramatic fashion? "Shit…" Sam said softly.

He wasn't confident that he could get through the drugs clouding Dean's brain and if he couldn't? Well, he wouldn't kill his brother and he knew that Dean wouldn't survive it if he killed him. So Sam would just have to figure something out…unless…_please get your ass here, Bobby_.

Josh's unconscious form was lying off to the edge of the room and Sam wondered what he'd done to piss off the demon. The thing couldn't kill him or he would lose the ability to claim the jock's soul. Deals were deals…the kid would get ten years as long as _this_ demon was the one holding the contract. Sam had no clue why all the information was racing to his mind at this very moment. Maybe because he was searching for a way out…not only for him and Dean, but also for the unfortunate soul that hadn't known any better.

XXXX

John was running by the time he reached the outside of the building. His heart was hammering inside his chest, threatening to break through his rib cage. Fear like he hadn't felt since the night Mary died raced through him and took everything he had not to break down from it. Losing his sons was his worst fear. And yet his constant need to track the thing that taken his wife and their mother had come back around to haunt him.

The air was rippling around him and the storm that had been brewing opened up and unleased hell. Hail the size of dimes pounded down on him by the time he saw Bobby huddled under the roof edge of the abandoned building. The wind gusts picked up and were easily reaching near forty miles an hour. The last remnants of the dying sun were drowned out by the black clouds in the North.

It was a fair representation of John's mood as he slid to a stop in front of the old hunter. Neither of them spoke, both knowing what they needed to do. Bobby nodded and pulled his hat closer on his head. John ignored the pins and needles sensation from the frozen mix of rain and hail as he ducked inside the small door with the other man close on his heels.

The first thing John noticed was the cold. It was freezing in this building the second was the smell. It was worse than a desecrated grave that had been left for months to fester. He slowed down moved with a more stealthy approach when the limited light started to fade. He wanted to pull his flashlight out…but that would announce his and Bobby's presence to the thing that had his sons.

XXXX

Dean could feel the rummy return of consciousness before he felt anything else. He groaned and pushed his hands into his hair and that was when he was unpleasantly reminded about his shoulder. The skin pulled tight and the heat was radiating off the infected gash. Something else was wrong…but as he tried to pull his thoughts together he noticed that he wasn't in the cage. He was in the freaking ring. He could barely make out another body in there with him.

There were too many holes in his recollection. And he was almost sure that it had something to do with Sam…_Didn't it?_ He swallowed and then blinked a few times. The other figure wasn't moving yet and he seemed to be in a bad way. Dean could make out the bright red stain of the blood under the body.

_Well, at least this time I wasn't the only to get drugged._ He thought with interest. _Why am I here again?_ He ground his teeth together and then regretted the action when his jaw lit up in pain. _Did I get punched lately?_

His body was being pulled up without his consent and he found himself pinned against the razor sharp wires that encased the ring. He clenched his eyes shut with the effort to control the pain when he felt the sharp edges pierce his skin. His gaze flickered down to the body and he gulped when something started nagging at the edges of his memory. Something that he should know and simply wasn't able to remember.

"You know what you have to do, Dean." The teacher said as he rounded the corner. Behind him were several other men, each of them were gagged and bound and all of them far bigger than Dean. "In case you decide that you _simply can't_…" He raised his hand to his forehead like a damsel in distress.

Dean's eyes narrowed in both irritation and anger. _Was this bastard calling him a coward? _ "Bite me." He ground out. The tiny droplets of blood were now trickling down his back and soaking into the waistband of his too large shorts. He was careful to avoid looking at the body in front of him as it started to moan. The longer sable locks shifting as he rolled from his stomach to his back.

"I figured you keep fighting me on this…so that's why I brought these men." He raised his arms wide and the men were sent through the one tiny opening near the boy. "You can fight them or they can kill you…and Sam."

_That _got Dean's attention and he flashed his gaze back at the body and that was the first time that he recognized what he was seeing. It was his brother…and he was hurt. That leg was busted up and bleeding sluggishly and his eyes were glazed as he turned the blue-green gaze in Dean's direction.

Things started morphing into other creatures the longer he stared. Sam's eyes flashed black and Dean's heart stopped. _Possessed._ He realized with horror. He didn't think that it could get any worse, but then he saw the eye flare in the other three men that were now looking between himself and the possessed version of his brother.

"Tick tock, Dean." The man laughed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and smiling in a sick way that turned Dean's stomach. He slid down the wires and bit through his lip as he squashed the desire to scream as his back was ripped into.

Sam had turned his black eyes on Dean and the expression on his face didn't match what Dean was actually seeing. It was…pleading…and scared. The men were turning between them and there seemed to be a debate as to whom they should attack first.

XXXX

John heard the final words of the demon as he and Bobby descended the final stair. He wanted nothing more than to run into that den and slash and burn that son of a bitch. But he knew that he would be putting his boys in danger…and they were in enough of that without him losing his head. He turned and looked at Bobby, he gestured for the older hunter to wait for a few moments before he followed. John slipped forward and peered around the corner. What he saw held him immobilized in shocked surprise.

Dean was limping forward, his body torn up in ways that made John's heart ache. And there on the floor at his feet was Sam. And his youngest wasn't looking too well. Sam had a compound fracture to his right leg and there was a concerning pool of blood under his prone body. Dean had what looked to be a broken nose, or else it was just seriously bloody and a gash on his shoulder that was bright pink...which meant severely infected. He was thin and his body was thrashed, bruised and cut in dozens of places. John had never seen his boys in worse shape and his own guilt nearly drowned out his anger...nearly. But surrounding his boys were three other men, one of which John actually knew. Jeremiah Cowel, he was a hunter that John had worked with in Seattle. The man had known more about the drugs the demon was using than the eldest Winchester had.

He knew that if he called out he could stop Dean. John had trained that boy to listen to every order, every word from the time he was four years old. But he would also give away his position and warn the demon of his presence. With one twist of his battered body, Dean took John's choice away. He launched himself at Sam, his eyes wild and confused.

John stepped from his hiding spot. "Dean! Stop!" His voice rang through the basement like a bell in a cemetery.

Chaotic jade colored eyes flew in his direction and widened in both surprise and fear. "Dad?" He whispered as he skidded to a halt and his anger faded for a moment. John raised his pistol and aimed it at the men that were surging back and forth in the threat of attack. He knew what the bunching and coiling muscles meant…and he couldn't take that chance with his sons.

Sam's scared gaze jumped to his father's face and he almost let the fear take over. But he looked back at Dean, who was standing less than three feet from him now…and he still hadn't known how Sam was.

The demon charged forward, his eyes flashing dangerously black. He waived his hand and John found himself launched into the air and slammed into the wall. "John Winchester…so glad you could join us."

John's eyes skittered around the room and landed on the small silver flash of holy water from his truck. _Sam._ He realized quickly. He lifted his gaze to the demon and tried to move his arm toward the flask. No dice…he couldn't move a muscle. "Let my boys go. This is between you and me."

"Correction. It _was_ between you and I…now it's between all of us." The voice shifted to cold and deadly. "Now you can watch as your eldest son kills your youngest…and then we can talk about who this fight is between." He turned back to the ring and raised his hand again. The three men stopped moving for a moment and John's heart sank at what that could mean.

Dean's eyes leapt back to Sam when his eyes again flashed black and he appeared to be reaching for a weapon. He started forward again, his fists again clenched into claws. The other men in the cage lined up behind Dean like an army…the question was, were they descending on Dean…or Sam...or both?

XXXX

Bobby watched from around the corner. His heart climbing into his throat as he ran through his own choices in his head. Go in guns blazing...or wait for a smarter option to present itself...

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _I once again think you each and everyone for the awesome reviews. I am winding this one down, a few more chapters. Although I may do a sequel that deals with the aftermath of this tragic break in the brother's bond. And how Dean is affected mentally and physically. It might be interesting to explore how Sam and Dean come back from this and how it could affect their ability to hunt together as a team…for a while. Obviously, they get it figure out._

_Any ways, thank you to: Taraneh, angellec, need2no, kracken96, mb64, reannablue, sylvie-winchester, nawalhussain, dandy44, Beakers47, BranchSuper, becca65d, Idreamofivan, babyreaper, and Nina Ferraro. You're continued reviews have caused me to post daily._

**PLEASE REVIEW: It only a takes a moment and I love the feedback.**


	11. Damn Demon

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

**Chapter Eleven**

_Damn Demon_

John had never felt as helpless as he did at this exact moment and it was an unwelcome realization. He was trapped watching as the unnatural things they hunt manipulated his sons. He knew that Bobby was out there in the dark…somewhere, but he hoped that his friend would wait until there was a better moment to break this up. Because those men were too close to Sam and Dean…and Dean was too unstable to save either himself of his little brother. That was a difficult pill to swallow…the idea that his eldest son was damaged at the moment. John needed to get his eldest son's attention and then keep it.

It actually brought back memories of Dean right after Mary was killed. He wouldn't speak; the four year old had stayed silent for months. John still wasn't sure what exactly had hauled the boy out of the self-inflicted silence. His gaze shifted to Sam and a sudden thought gave him some comfort…Dean started again about the time that Sam started talking. _God I hope that he pull his brother back again._ The thought was silent but heartfelt.

John pulled at the invisible bonds that held him pinned to the wall…and yet he was unable to move more than his fingers. The demon was watching what was happening in the cage with a twinkle in its obsidian black eyes and a gloating expression spread across the very human face. Suddenly something hit John in the hands and he moved his gaze down…there by his fingers was the flask of holy water. _Bobby… _He wrapped his fingers around cool metal and managed to at least get a good grip on it. Not that he could do anything about it at the moment, but at least he had something that would distract that son of a bitch long enough for him to try anything to save his boys. He just needed to distract it long enough to divert the attention to himself and away from Sam and Dean.

"Wanna see the mess I've made of your oldest son, John?" The demon said with a smirk. "Watch this." He raised his hand and the three men attacked Dean.

A cry of warning lodged in John's throat as the first one hit Dean from behind. The kid lurched forward and landed on his injured side. His white teeth showed as his lips pulled back in pain.

Even injured Dean cam surging back to his feet and was able to subdue one of them before they managed to slam him into the floor a second time. "Argh!" Dean cried out. The sound of his son's hoarse voice echoing through the basement in pain was enough to made John close his eyes for a moment.

Dean kicked out and hit the huge black man in the gut…he 'Oomphed' and then growled at the teen before lashing out his with booted heel. There was no sanity in his dark eyes and the sound of Sam's cry had John's eyelids blasting open in concern. He pulled against the demon-hold so hard that the veins were popping out against his normally smooth skin.

Sam's eyes were glued to his brother; fear washing over the boy as John watched on…he could see it as plain as day. And it sent ice flowing through his veins, chilling his heart to the core.

"Dean!" Sam yelled.

A smile pulled at the corners of the demon's lips and he stepped forward. His fingers flicking to the left and the man that Dean had sent to the ground came lurching to his feet…his eyes wide and angry. His meaty fist flew out and caught the unprepared young Winchester under the jaw. Dean staggered backwards, his face on fire and his vision blurry. The smaller man with the scar looked over at Sam and then prepared to charge the youngest Winchester.

Sam tried to slide along the floor to the edge of the caged ring. But the razor sharp wires around the edges of the ring kept him from getting as close as he'd like. And all that John could do was watch. Blue-green eyes lifted to meet his and he felt his heart clench in a fear that was bone deep. Neither of them had chosen this life…_he'd_ chosen it for them.

"Dad…" Sam breathed out before shifting his gaze to Dean's confused jade colored eyes.

"He's a demon, Dean. We possessed him…the Sam you knew doesn't exist anymore. It's toying with you." The demon taunted from the side of the ring. His black gaze shifting between the smaller man that was now shifting his weigh back and forth between his feet as he prepared to attack. It was the same thing a cat does right before it pounces.

"Dean!" John called desperately. He heard Bobby's shuffling boots and he prayed that the other hunter had come up with an ingenious plan to save their asses. "He's not possessed! That is Sam!" John's voice broke on the name of his youngest son and he blinked slowly as he watched Dean's head turn toward him and then back toward the demon…and finally to Sam.

XXXX

The sound of the desperation in his father's voice caught Dean's attention in a way that nothing else could have. He'd only ever heard the tone once before and it was something that he'd never forget…not ever. The night that he'd been handed his six-month-old brother and told to 'run and don't look back'. He'd heard that same voice…that same fear and anxiety. His weight tipped forward and he found himself face to face with one of the men thrown into the cage with them…and he'd somehow come between the man and Sam.

Dean shook his head and then instantly regretted the action when his eyes blurred and his face lit up in pain. Sweat was rolling off his temples, his blonde hair was plastered to his head, and his arms were weak. The shoulder with the wound was nearly impossible to move. But the moment he heard that voice it triggered something inside him…a protective vein that had been buried beneath the drugs and the pain. He spun and threw himself at the smaller man. An arm caught Dean in the chest and he wheezed and his bit his teeth together as pain rocketed through him, but he'd already managed to lock a chokehold on the guy. The other two men were trying to circle him and get to Sam, but he pressed into the throat so hard that he felt the 'pop' when he smashed the man's windpipe.

The sound was nasty. Like a piece of celery when its broken into small pieces. Dean ignored the man's gasps for air as his fingers clawed at his destroyed trachea in a last desperate last bid for air. Instead the young hunter turned and set after the other two.

"I knew he'd fight." The demon said with glee as he watched Dean kill the older hunter. _Pity it wasn't for money_…but he'd done what he'd set out to do…destroy John Winchester's sons. Because how could the young man live with himself when he realized that he'd killed a human…and not just any human, but another hunter.

XXXX

Sam could do nothing more than watch. He wanted to help, but he couldn't put any weight on his leg. But he was able to feel the grief and guilt that accompanied the death of another hunter. A man that wouldn't have died at Dean's hands without his interference. His brother still hadn't looked at him with recognition; he'd only kept the hunter from killing him. The sight made Sam grind his teeth together and lean forward. The fire running through his leg was terrible, but he couldn't let his brother take these guys on alone. He managed to get to his knee…his arms shaking as he stretched the injured leg out in front of him.

Dean's gaze shifted to him and he blinked several times before one of the men pulled his focus again. Sam clenched his eyelids shut and hauled himself upright, balancing on his good leg.

One of the men saw this and a feral snarl ripped from his throat. He side stepped Dean and plowed toward Sam. The boy's eyes widened and he waited for the man to get close enough before shifting his balance and using the man's momentum to send him into the wired edge of the ring.

The man's scream rippled through the basement and Dean was distracted when he looked over at Sam. The man he'd sent to the floor moments before surged up and slammed his palm into Dean's chin.

XXXX

John watched as both his son's fought for their lives. He was struggling against the demon-hold when he felt it relax all the sudden. The crack of a double barrel shotgun rang through the air. He dropped to the ground, his knees nearly buckling in surprise.

He threw his gaze around and it landed on Bobby in the corner with not only the shotgun, but also a huge bag of salt. He was trying to get it over the top of the ring, but the welded ceiling on top was keeping him from getting to the boys. Dean had fallen to the floor, his body lax in unconsciousness. Sam was struggling to get to his brother as the man that had taken out Dean stood above the middle Winchester with a machete.

"SAM!" John yelled. His youngest spun toward his father and threw his body over Dean's as Bobby shot the man with salt rounds.

The demon was just struggling back to his feet. When John sprinted toward the thing, his fingers undoing the holy water at the same time.

"You bastard!" It yelled when the water was flying into its face, the smoke rising off it as though John had doused a bed of fire.

Bobby was already reciting the exorcism as John grabbed the bag of salt and started throwing handfuls of it at the thing. The demon stopped as his voice caught in his throat, he flashed his gaze at the boys in the ring one last time. With a sudden shift of his eyes, he tossed Sam away from Dean. The boy landed in a heap of pain…

"Bobby!" John cried out. The older hunter said the last of the exorcism and the teacher dropped to his knees. Black smoke pouring from his open mouth until the body slumped bonelessly to the floor. John moved toward the ring, neither of his sons were moving now. His gaze flickered to Bobby before he looked at the cage and shook his head. Both Sam and Dean's chests were rising and falling with only a few shifts in rhythm.

"Got a torch in that rust rod of yours?" All he wanted was to wrap his warms around his sons…but he needed to get through these bars first. And as he looked around the basement he couldn't see how the damn thing was built. It was like it had been built around the boys.

A gasp of air and a wheeze pulled John's gaze back to the ring and his heart dropped into his stomach when he saw Dean's body start to seize. "Oh God…"

TBC…

**Author's Note: **_Sorry about not posting yesterday and the slightly shorter than normal chapter, but I managed to pick up a cold and spent most of the day very sad about it. I will get the post up for tomorrow, though…and yes, there is more to come. Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed this story…I suppose the question now is…why was this particular demon so interested in hurting John Winchester? The answer is coming, promise…although; it might be in the sequel._

_Thank you to: 1hotpepper, babyreaper, HpDork FreakaZoid, sbcarri, kandilyn, BranchSuper, Guest (several of you guys), Taraneh, kracken96, Idreamofivan, reannablue, mb64, angellec, sylvie-winchester, dandy44, Beakers47, and of course Nina Ferraro. Thanks everyone!_

**PLEASE REVIEW: I know I missed a day, but please let me know what you thought?**


	12. After Effects

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY**

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Didn't get a chance to proof this one...don't kill me for the grammatical errors, I type fast and words get missed. I'll try to correct that later on. But here's the chapter.**

**Chapter Twelve **

_After Effects_

Sam felt the shivers run through his brother's body as the seizure started. The feeling of Dean's body clenching and tightening, the bucking as his muscles contracted and extended were the most terrifying thing that the youth had ever felt. For a moment he forgot about his own pain and rolled off Dean in an effort to see what was going on more clearly. His panicked gaze flashed up and met the equally concerned eyes of their father. The man was leaning against the bars, his fingers wrapped tightly around the black iron.

"Dad…what do I do?" Sam whispered as Dean's body suddenly relaxed and his arms flailed to the side. A tentative hand reached up and brushed the sweaty blonde hair off Dean's forehead.

John shook his head as the sadness rolled through him. "Just keep talking to him, Sam. That's all you can do." His blue gaze flickered over to where Bobby had run up the stairs. "Bobby's coming, Sam."

Sam nodded and looked down again. Dean's eyes were flickering back and forth beneath his closed eyelids. But he wasn't awake…not even close. "Dean?" His voice was soft and worried. "I owe you the biggest apology on the planet. But I want to…" He pulled in an unsteady breath. "No…I _need_ you to hear that…so I'm gonna wait until you're awake." His fingers continued brushing through his brother's hair. It was the only way he could think to let Dean know that he was there.

The pain in his leg was bearable…at the moment. Probably because he wasn't moving much. But he knew that it wasn't going to be that way for long. The compound fracture was a big freaking problem. Chances for infection were going up exponentially the longer the bone remained protruding from the skin. All his training told him this…but he couldn't bring himself to care past watching Dean.

Bobby came rushing back, the welding torched in one hand and the medical kit in the other. "How are they?" He asked as he set the stuff down.

Both Sam and John looked over at him and then back at Dean and the dead men inside the ring with them. "We're okay for a moment." Sam replied.

Dean continued to remain stubbornly unconscious and Sam kept his silent vigil as Bobby and John cut through the thick bars. Neither hunter said much of anything to the other as they tried desperately to deal with the fact that they had no clue what exactly they were going to be dealing with here. They were aware that Dean had been injected with some sort of drug concoction. And that it likely to have caused either potential problems with addiction, or who know what level of psychological damage.

After what felt like days, the last bar fell and John was able to rush inside the cage and drop to his knees in front of Sam and Dean. He reached out with a hesitant hand and laid it on Dean's forehead. Sam's eyebrows cut downward as he watched his father's face fall.

"He's burning up." John said simply. His blue gaze dropped to Sam's busted leg. "Bobby?" He called.

"Yeah?"

"Bring me the medical kit. We gotta stint that leg before we can move Sam."

Bobby was in front of Sam in a moment. He set the large bag down and then frowned when he got his first good look at Dean. "He ain't looking too good." He knew that it was a statement of the obvious. But he didn't care.

"No. No he isn't." John answered quickly.

XXXX

_Dean finished sawing off the end of the shotgun. It hit the floor with a resounding 'clink' and he smiled. His ten-year-old hands wrapping proudly around the gun. He'd never done this before and his father had been worried about him using the old shotgun to practice on. But Dean had stated his case. He'd been out hunting with his father for two years and he was always in charge of Sam's safety. So it seemed reasonable that he learn how to modify the weapons the same way their father would._

_His green eyes flickered over to where Sam was watching cartoons. His fingers were busy coloring at the same time and a small smile was pulling at the corners of his lips. Dean couldn't help the smile that inched onto his face as he watched Sam color inside the lines…perfectly. Even at six years old the kid was a perfectionist. Had to get everything right the first time. It was kinda funny and a little bit disturbing, because Dean knew that his little brother was definitely destined for greater things. But how could Sam ever have more than a hunter's life? Particularly with everything that they knew. _

_Dean blew out a low breath and turned back to his shotgun. He got busy filing the edges down smooth, so that the shells would exit the barrel cleanly. He knew that spurs inside the barrel with the number one reason not only for misfires, but also for injuries to the shooter. Every time their father spoke, Dean was very careful to listen and catalog the information for later use. _

_Their father was out on a hunt, he was supposed to be back first thing in the morning and Dean was in charge until then. It was the dead of winter in Wyoming and the wind was howling outside the tiny motel with a vengeance. There wasn't any snow falling, but the existing four feet was blasting the small front window and it was making Dean worry. He knew that they needed their father to get back. He didn't have enough food for more than two maybe three meals. _

_He put Sam to bed and set the salt line, like he'd been taught. Then Dean had crawled into the bed with Sam and fallen asleep. A cold hand on his cheek was the next thing that he remembered._

"_I'm cold, Dean." Sammy's small voice was almost covered by the clattering of his teeth. He was shaking and had scooted even closer to Dean._

_Dean blinked a few times and then sat up. "I think the heats out." He said before climbing out of the warm'ish bed and padding over to the large heater. He placed his small hand over the vents and groaned when he didn't feel any heat what so ever coming out of it. 'Crap.' He thought. It took a moment for him to realize that the lights weren't on either. "I think the power might be out, Sam." He said before he returned to the bed. _

"_But it's too cold…when's dad coming back?" Sam had pulled the blankets up under his chin, his eyes wide and worried. _

_Dean looked over at the other bed and grabbed the blankets. "Here wrap up in these too." He threw them onto Sam's still form._

"_Hey!" His little brother cried indignantly. _

"_What? You said you were cold." He said with a laugh. It was pretty funny watching Sam climb out of the blankets; his brown hair all messed up. Dean crawled back into the bed with his brother and they huddled under the mounds of blankets. Sam finally relaxed back into sleep and Dean sighed in gratitude. His little brother's tiny body was no longer shaking with the cold. But Dean didn't fall asleep…because what would happen in the morning if the power was still out? And what about their father?_

_The young Winchester had so many worries floating through his head that he couldn't stop them long enough to sleep. So instead he listened to Sam breathe. The gentle lull of his baby brother's breathing finally did what Dean could not…it allowed him to sleep. _

_The next morning Dean was startled awake when Sam jumped on him. "The lights are back on, Dean!" He cried happily. _

'_Well that explains why I'm roasting to death.' Dean thought quietly. He shoved his way out from beneath the covers and walked to the fridge. There was less than a cup of milk left in the carton and one apple. That was the sum total of their food. He ground his teeth together and moved to the cabinet. One box of mac and cheese and a single serving of fruit loops. That was it…there was no other food in this place. Dean pulled in a long slow breath and ignored the rumble of his own stomach as he pulled the cereal out and then moved to get the milk. He set both items on the small wooden table and then turned to the strainer on the counter._

"_Breakfast, Sammy." He called as he set the bowl and spoon near one of the two chairs._

_Sam came running in the room, his face lit up in a grin as he climbed into the chair. It only took a moment for the overly observant child to realize that there was only one bowl at the table. "Where's yours?" He asked innocently._

_Dean looked away from the puppy-dog eyes when he answered. "I…I'm not hungry…you eat." He poured Sam's cereal and hoped that his little brother wouldn't hear the growls of his stomach._

_Three days later-_

"_I don't want mac and cheese!" The six year old whined. "I want a hamburger or some spaghetti."_

_Dean swallowed the saliva that filled his mouth at the mere mention of a hamburger. He hadn't eaten in three days and he'd rationed Sam's food as much as he dared. But now they were down to the last of the mac and cheese. He'd had to water it down since there was no milk and no butter. It was probably terrible, but he knew that it was better than feeling the way he felt. When he'd woken up that morning, he'd been light headed and dizzy._

_He'd tried to drink a bunch of water in the hopes that it would fill the void in his stomach. It didn't. Dean had tried to call their father on the emergency numbers that he always left. No answer…and now he was scared. _

"_It's all we have and you need to eat." Dean said tiredly._

_Sam pouted, his arms folded over his small chest obstinately. "You don't eat." He said._

_Dean was caught off guard that Sam had noticed and then he was irritated that his brother had mentioned it to him. "So? I'm bigger…I don't need to eat as much as you."_

"_That's stupid, Dean. Everyone needs to eat." Sam shot back._

"_Sam! Just eat the damn food!" He hadn't meant to yell at the kid. But he was having a hard time focusing without fighting with little brother about the meager amount of food they had._

"_You said a bad word…" Sam breathed back. His eyes were wide and shining with tears as he stared at Dean, his lower lip starting to tremble with emotion._

_Dean stepped forward and pulled his brother into a hug. "I'm sorry I yelled, kiddo. But you gotta eat." He ran his fingers through Sam's hair and waited until his little brother had stopped crying._

"_You need to eat too." Sam answered. His fists coming up to rub the tears out of his eyes. "I'll share with you." He added as he grabbed another bowl and pushed half the remaining mac and cheese into it. Sam handed the bowl to Dean and then crawled up into his chair. _

_Dean didn't have time to contemplate what his baby brother had just done, because the door flew open and John rushed into the motel room. He stomped the snow off his boots and coat and quickly shut the door behind himself. He was carrying a large bag of groceries and a smile when he looked down at the two little boys sitting at the table eating._

"_Hey'ya boys! Everything good?"_

_Dean wanted to answer honestly. That they'd run out of food days ago. But instead he swallowed that response and simply nodded before rushing to his father for a hug. Sam was right on his heels and John scooped them up in a bear hug. "Everything's good." Dean finally said._

_XXXX_

"Mr. Wilson?" A nurse called and John raced forward.

"I'm Mr. Wilson. How're my son's?" His voice was rough with exhaustion and his handsome face was drawn with worry.

The aging nurse smiled sadly. "Well, that was quite an accident they were in."

John simply nodded. He glanced over at Bobby, who was watching on with interest. "Yeah…"

She patted him on the arm. "The doctor can explain thins better than I can. Can you come with me?"

"Bobby." John called out. The other hunter was on his feet instantly. "This is the boy's uncle…on my wife's side."

Bobby threw him an amused look before he nodded. "Bobby Singer."

"Ah…okay. Well, if you two will follow me?"

They stepped through the doors and into the ICU. A doctor in bright green scrubs met them at the nurses counter. "Mr. Wilson, your son Dean has been admitted to room 4 and rather than taking up two rooms, we put Sam in there as well. I hope that's okay?"

John nodded. "They'll actually probably prefer that."

"Good. Well this is what we know about their conditions. Sam's leg required surgery to set the bone and stitch up the puncture wound. He has several lacerations and quite a lot of bruising, but he should make a full recovery. He's still sleeping off the anesthesia, but should be lucid in the next few hours…" The man stopped talking and John found that his anxiety levels went through the roof.

"Doc? What about my other son?" Fear was laced beneath the request.

The doctor sighed and ran a hand through his red hair. "I'm afraid that Dean suffered far greater injuries. The wound to his shoulder was extreme and it festered while they were stuck in the backwoods. We cleaned that up, but there is fair amount of infection that had already taken hold. The other concerns are the lacerations and bruises…it's going to take him weeks to heal." He blinked a few times and continued. "It's the sluggish responses in his neural tests that have me concerned. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he was drugged…repeatedly."

"Drugged? With what?"

"I wish I knew. It's not reacting the way that any of the know narcotics should. This particular drug seems to be accessing his memory centers…it's kinda like the way meth accesses the pleasure centers. They fire on all cylinders so much that they eventually burn out. I'm afraid if we don't figure out how to stop this in Dean's head…he won't be able to properly access his memories…ever."

John stared at the man like he'd been speaking Greek. "What does that mean?"

"It means he won't be able to remember anything before the first injection…it's a nasty piece of work. But we're doing out best." The doctor patted John on the arm sympathetically before walking away.

John turned toward Bobby and they stared at one another for a moment before quickly heading toward room four.

XXXX

Dean was floating between the dream world and the regular, pain in the ass, world. He kept thinking of Sammy and he was finding that he couldn't remember when the last time he'd seen his little was. Something kept running to the forefront of his thoughts…Sam had left...or Sam had been taken.

He tried to remember what had happened. Where he'd been or where Sam had been. But there were so many holes that he finally gave up and opted for forcing his eyelids open. His head felt heavy and stuffed with rocks. A headache was sitting just behind his eyes and he couldn't move his right arm.

He started to struggle when he thought he was restrained and the last thing he saw was Sam's black eyes.

"Hey! Dean…come on son…it's okay." Dean stilled when he recognized his father's voice.

He forced his blurry gaze in the direction of the voice and waited for his eyes to focus. When they finally did he nearly surged up out of the bed…he would have if Bobby hadn't thrown himself across Dean's torso, pinning him to the bed. Because across the room in the bed next to him was Sam…with his obsidian black eyes.

"He's a demon! Can't you see it?!" Dean cried desperately. He continued to struggle against both his father and Bobby. Sam's eyes were wide with shock and confusion. But they were still black…and that was enough for Dean.

The alarms started ringing in the room and the nurses ran in. They pushed both Bobby and John out of the way and depressed something into Dean's IV. Within moments he relaxed and his eyes rolled back as he slipped into sleep. The crisp white bandage on his shoulder now stained red with fresh blood.

"What's wrong with him, dad?" Sam breathed out. He was staring at Dean's now restrained form in shock.

John moved to his son and waited for the nurses to clear the room. "The demon injected him with something…it's messing with his head. That's all…it's going to be okay, Sam. The doctor's are on it." He hugged his son and then followed Bobby's lead as he stepped into the hallway.

"What if them doctors can't help him?"

John looked around to make sure no one was paying attention. "What do you mean?"

Bobby swallowed hard. "Well, if that demon made that drug, then it might take more than modern medicine to fix Dean."

John leaned against the wall and ran both hands through his thick hair. "Call Caleb and Pastor Jim…if they don't know how to help, they might someone who does." His gaze shifted up to his friend and he shook his head. "I can't lose them, Bobby."

"I know…me neither." Bobby whispered before left to find a phone.

TBC…

**Author's Note: ** _So…as you can see there was more to the story than the simple rescue of the boys. Healing Dean isn't going to be as simple as they'd supposed. And the memories are going to get nastier before they get better…or are they simply the dreams? Guess we'll see._

_Thank you guys for the awesome response to the last chapter. Glad you enjoyed it. And as promised…here's the new chapter._

_Thank to everyone that reviewed particularly: Guest (I did promise, didn't I / several of you), babyreaper, BranchSuper, PurpleMysc, South of Eden, Taraneh, Sylvie-winchester, 1hotpepper, dandy44, shaxpersis, KitCat, Beakers47, Idreamofivan, ncsupnatfan, DeanHart, Nina Ferraro, kracken96, and mb64. Much appreciation people. _

**PLEASE REVIEW: I'm hoping you liked the new chapter twist enough to tell me about it.**


	13. Changing Memories

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY **

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Okay, so there is a problem with this posting, so I am going to reload it. I'm sorry if you get multiple notifications. Apologies.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Changing Memories_

Bobby stared out the window to the setting sun. The colors were beautiful, reds mixed with orange and even some purples. But it didn't reflect his mood at all. Inside he felt black. His concern for the boy fighting for his life a few rooms over was overwhelming his ability to put this job into focus. John and his sons had taken a place in his heart that had remained vacant after the death of Bobby's wife. He'd sworn that he wouldn't allow anyone to get that close again…ever.

And then the Winchesters had entered his life. John had shown up holding Sam tightly against his chest and Dean had been clutching his father's jeans. His luminous green eyes reflecting a pain so deep that Bobby had felt it, even in the child's silence. It had taken weeks before Dean would leave either his father or Sammy's sides. Eventually, he'd started following Bobby around the old salvage yard. The boy still refused to speak, but he learned faster than any child Bobby had ever been around. The little boy had an affinity for engines and he was soon pointing out the different parts that made the old ford run. Bobby had been fixing it for a friend of his and it had been nice to have someone else with him…he hadn't realized that he'd gotten so lonely over the years.

John had spent much of that time combing through Bobby's books. The man had been obsessed with learning as much about the supernatural as possible…to the exclusion of everything else…including his tortured middle son. It had been hard to watch, but what did a person say to someone that had just learned that all the horrors they thought were fake…were real? It was dicey proposition to be sure…so Bobby had stayed silent. But he'd made it his mission to keep the little blonde haired boy engaged. The only thing that he'd noticed about the kid was an unusual connection to the baby.

Dean hadn't wanted to get too far or stay gone too long without running back into the big old house and checking on Sam. At first it had confused Bobby a bit…right up until John had explained what had happened and why Dean seemed so concerned about the six-month-old.

Bobby heaved a sigh and pulled his cap off his head, slapping it against his thigh in agitation. These boys had suffered so much at their young ages and he hated it. He considered what they were up against now and it was like waiting for the proverbial 'other' shoe to drop. It wasn't going to be pretty.

He stepped away from the window and trudged back to the coffee maker on the counter in the waiting room. John had wanted to get Dean out of the hospital as quickly as possible. Not because he wanted to short-change the lads care…but because if the hospital looked too deeply into the insurance, they would find that Dean was in fact not a twenty-nine year old Japanese man.

Bobby had argued against that for the time being. They didn't know enough about Dean's condition to move him and risk the after-effects of the drugs. They'd both seen his body seize up and the confused glaze to his eyes before he'd been taken down. It was a problem…Bobby pulled his phone out and checked for missed calls. _Nothing. Come on guys…help us out here._ He thought silently. He replaced his ball cap and headed back toward the boys room.

The screaming whine of the monitors had him running the last few steps and he froze in the doorway as the nurses and on call doctors shocked Dean's still body.

"Clear!" The doctor called before sending the electricity arcing through the sixteen-year-olds body. Dean's back arched up and his head lolled to the side.

Sam's hands were covering his mouth in alarm. His eyes were wide and flashing back and forth between Dean and their father. John was leaned against the wall at the end of Dean's bed. The distress clearly evident in his own gaze. He knew what the medical men did not…that they weren't just battling a drug…they were battling something concocted by demons.

The monitor continued to whine in a steady beep. "Everyone clear, up the voltage to three hundred and push the epinephrine." The doctor roared out orders and John moved to Sam's bed when a whimper escaped the young man's throat.

Bobby shifted his weight and stepped out of the room. His fingers were flying over the buttons on his phone as he called Pastor Jim.

"Hey Jim. Yeah, yeah…no…he ain't doing too good. You find anything?" Bobby's free hand was scrubbing down his face in apprehension.

"The only thing I've been able to work out is that you need a vial with the original drug mixture. If we can find that, then we work backwards and figure out what we're dealing with here." Jim's voice was even, but Bobby could hear the unease resonating beneath it.

"Something you ain't telling me?" He pushed.

Jim took a deep breath. "Never could get one over on you…if we can't find that, this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better."

Bobby closed his eyes slowly when he heard the heart rate monitors slip into the steady beat of a normal rhythm. "So one of needs to go back to the warehouse and track that down." It wasn't a question, but a statement of fact.

"That about sums it up…" Jim answered quickly.

"Okay then." Bobby answered immediately. He peeked around the corner and let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding when he saw Dean again back with the land of the living. "I'll get right on that."

XXXX

Sometimes dreams are so much worse than reality. And Dean was floating inside the dreams brought on by withdrawals. He had nothing to compare them to, having never been addicted to anything…but they were tearing him apart on a fundamental level. A very small part of him was aware of this and unable to do anything about it.

_Dean leaned against the wall as the shape-shifter stalked toward him. It was wearing his father's face, but Dean knew deep down that this wasn't John Winchester. Sam was bound and kneeling in a corner of the old house. The walls were falling in and the wood was splintered with spikes protruding from the old studs. The place smelled like rotted garbage and the fading light of the afternoon sun wasn't leaving much for either Winchester to see by. _

"_It's going to be okay, Sammy." He called. His little brother's confused gaze lifted to meet his and he simply nodded. Sam didn't understand what was happening here…but Dean did._

_They had thought that it was their father picking them up from school. But the shifter had made a fatal error when it had allowed Dean and Sam to pick the music. It had set off that alarms inside of Dean and he'd gulped his alarm down. He hadn't come up with the rules of the car…their father had. 'Driver picks the music…shotgun shuts his cakehole'. That's the way things had been for as long as Dean could remember…and the breach in protocol had triggered Dean's distress._

_He didn't know where their father was and small very scared part of him prayed that he wasn't dead. Dean was fifteen and Sammy was only eleven…they couldn't survive without their father…and he knew it._

"_So you're the one, huh?" The shifter said as John's normally blue eyes shifted to almost white when Dean's light hit it in the eyes. The flare was about the only way to tell a shifter from the person they were impersonating. _

"_The one?" Dean questioned as his gaze flashed to Sam again and then back to the thing talking to him. He'd never felt hate pulse through him as strongly as it did when the bastard walked over to Sam and kicked him in the side._

_Sam 'oomphed' in pain but kept quiet otherwise. _

"_You do that again and I swear to God that I'll peel the skin from your bones." He breathed in a low steady voice. If ice could have dripped from the words…it would have. _

_Shifter-John smiled and stepped forward. "Well, then I suppose I better show what's behind door number two." He moved and Dean's gun followed him as he shoved a door open. There on the floor, bound and gagged…and unconscious was their father. A bloody wound that gaped across the front of his head. _

"_Dad…" Dean said quietly. The barrel of his gun dipped slightly. "Is he…" He couldn't bring himself to say 'dead'._

_The shifter chuckled. "Dead?" it supplied quickly. "No…but that could change."_

_Dean's green gaze flickered back up to the shifter's stolen eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"_

"_Well, I find I get bored easily…so what I want from you is for you to choose." He reached down and hauled Sam's body closer to their unconscious father. _

_Sam's body tightened in pain and he stared at Dean before turning to look at their father. They could both see the rise and fall of John's chest as breathed. _

_It only took a moment for Dean to understand what the son of a bitch was saying. It wanted him to choose between his little brother…the kid he'd sworn to protect ever since the day he'd carried him from the nursery…and their father. The man that Dean was so loyal to that he almost couldn't separate his wants and needs from his fathers. It was an impossible choice._

"_No." He said breathily. "I can't."_

_The shifted lifted an eyebrow and stepped behind Sam and John. Dean heard the hammer of its gun cock back and his heart froze in his chest. The barrel shifted back and forth between his father and his brother in some messed up game that he didn't want to play. "I can choose for you? Either way, one of them dies…just how I do things." It smiled, and John's normally jovial face lit up malevolently. "You know that he'd choose Sam, right?" _

_Dean's eyes dropped to the ground. He didn't want this bastard knowing that 'yes' he knew that. As much as he loved their father and the man loved him…they would both 'always' put Sammy first…it was an unspoken agreement between them. _

_When it read the truth in Dean's eyes it snorted. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"_

_Dean refused to give it the satisfaction of an answer. His eyes connected with Sam's and he wanted to cry when he saw the huge tears start to roll down his face. "It'll be okay, Sammy." He whispered._

"_Choose!" The shifter cried and again shifted the gun from John to Sam._

"_No!" Dean ran forward and threw his body in front of Sam, between the gun and his baby brother._

"_Dean…what about dad?" Sam said in whisper. _

"_What about dad indeed!" The shifter said as sound of pistol firing resounded through the room…and Dean's heart stopped._

XXXX

Sam leaned against the pillows and watched as the doctors, once again, desperately tried to save his brother's life. The guilt over this whole mess was over-whelming and he wasn't entirely sure how to handle it. His body sagged and he looked over at their father. John Winchester's eyes were wide and he was so silent that it actually scared the youngest Winchester. Their father wasn't every _this_ silent. Within moments the doctors got Dean stabilized. They debated on removing him from the shared room, but John had argued that Dean would be a mess if he woke up without knowing where his little brother was.

The lie he'd told them that the boys had been on a wilderness trip and then stumbled upon some backwoods crazies had made the doctors more sympathetic to the boy's plight.

"He's going to be okay, Sam." John said as he patted the boy on the shoulder. He was careful of Sam's injuries, but wanting to comfort him just the same. The doctor's left the room and Sam and John were staring at the still form in concern.

"This is my fault, dad." Sam whispered, his voice breaking on his father's name.

"Sammy…he doesn't blame you…he would never do that." John had seen what Dean was willing to sacrifice for his little brother and he'd used that on occasion. It wasn't something that he was necessarily proud of, but it was a necessary evil when hunting the supernatural.

Tears leaked from the corners of Sam's almond shaped eyes as he turned the large kicked-puppy-look on his father. "But I do…" He whimpered…his lower lip trembling as emotion boiled up from the depths of his soul.

John furrowed his eyebrows and sank onto the bed near Sam's legs. "Sammy, Dean loves you. He knows that you were just upset…and so do I." He pulled his youngest son into a hug. "But right now we need to focus on Dean. He's going to need all of us to fix what the son of a bitch did to him." Sam wrapped his arms around his father and allowed himself to be held. He hadn't done that since he was eleven and they'd been tracking a shape-shifter. He and Dean had been tacking hostage and their father had come after them…and what he'd done to that shifter had been like something out of a horror movie. If Sam had ever doubted how much their father loved them, that would have set him straight. The damn thing had tried to make John choose between his sons and he'd refused…saying that he could never pick one of them over the other.

"How do I fix this?" Sam asked with a hiccup. Dean's monitor a steady sound in the background of the room.

John pulled in a deep breath and leaned away from his slightly. "I don't know…maybe try asking for it?"

"Ask who? Dean's still unconscious."

"Tell you what, Sam. You think about that and let me know what you decide." John stood up and ran his fingers through Sam's long hair. "We gotta get this cut soon, kiddo."

Sam turned glassy eyes on his father and then narrowed them at the suggestion. "I like it longer." He said with a slight smile. Sam knew that the long hair bothered not only his father, but also his brother…which was an excellent reason to keep it long.

"Hmmm." John answered before walking from the room in search of Bobby.

Sam's gaze drifted back to Dean and he blinked in surprise when he saw the jade-green eyes staring back at him in silence. "Dean?"

Dean blinked but he didn't answer as he drifted back off into the drug induced sleep.

"I'm going to make this right, Dean…I promise." Sam said to the sleeping form of his older brother.

XXXX

"So that's plan? Go back and try to find some of that demon-drug-concoction?" John asked as he leaned against the wall and folded his arms over his chest. "What's the alternative?"

Bobby sighed. "You don't want to find out."

"What?!" John shot back in alarm.

"It's bad…so let's find that drug and fix that kid."

"What do you mean by bad?" John pressed.

Bobby sighed loudly and shook his head. "It could rewrite his memories…he won't be the Dean we know anymore…and it's not fixable."

"Jesus…" John groaned.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _So yeah, there's definitely going to be a sequel since I want to explore the drugged part of this storyline now. Sam is still working up to the confession and John and Bobby are dealing with the after-effects. And Dean is waking up in the next chapter…so there's that._

_Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter! And I hope that everyone has a great New Year's Eve! Thank you: BranchSuper, shadowdancer33996, babyreaper, kracken96, mb64, HpDork Freakazoid, need2no, janiekm, Sylvie-winchester, Idreamofivan, Beakers47, dandy44, Nina Ferraro, 1hotpepper, ncsupnatfan, reannablue, and shaxpersis._

**PLEASE REVIEW: It makes a great New Year's gift for the writer…namely me. **


	14. I Know You?

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY **

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Okay, so there is a problem with this posting, so I am going to reload it. I'm sorry if you get multiple notifications. Apologies.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_I Know You?_

"It could rewrite his memories…he won't be the Dean we know anymore…and it's not fixable." Bobby's words echoed through Sam's head and he bit his lower lip to keep from crying. _How much worse can this get?_ He wondered as he looked at his brother's silent form.

Dean's arms were folded across his chest and his face was pale, even against the bright white of the hospital sheets. The light smattering of freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose stood out like neon lights against his skin. And he was so still…so very still.

Sam had never see his brother this quiet. Not even when he'd had a severe concussion after being thrown around by a poltergeist when he was thirteen.

_Dean had been burned and tossed around when the ghost had chucked him into the fire; his head bouncing off the concrete like a basketball. The fire that their father was using to burn the body. He'd been lucky, sustaining only minimal burns that would require poultices and wrapping…but it wasn't some that a little brother ever forgets. Sam hadn't been on that hunt; he'd been left with Bobby. But their father had taken Dean and to say that the hunt had gone badly was a serious understatement. _

_The trip to the hospital had been scary for the eight-year-old and it hadn't helped that Bobby had been unusually silent the entire trip. Sam's gaze had slipped between the passing countryside and the worried expression that had been plastered on the old hunter's face. He'd known that something was wrong, because he'd never been hauled to the hospital before. Generally, their father took care of any wounds they got on his own. Not that there had been very many. John was relatively careful in the hunts he included his boys on._

_Sam could only remember a few times that he himself had been taken to a hospital…and none of them had been because of hunts. He'd had a broken arm when he'd tried to fly…like superman. And then there had been the time Dean had given him a ride on his bike and Sam had fallen off and busted two fingers…but those were really the only times he could remember. He found himself lost in his thoughts while Bobby drove in silence and the next thing he knew they were pulling into the parking lot. He followed the older man at a distance, his feet shuffling in slow protest. _

_The smell of the hospital was the first thing that Sam had noticed. It was that sterile smell of bleach mixed with antibacterial cleaning solutions. It made the inside of his nose feel like a Band-Aid. They'd followed the nurse back through the double doors and into the corridors of the intensive care unit._

_Sam had stepped up to the ER window and his breath had caught at the sight of Dean on a ventilator. His brother was covered in bandages from his fingers to his eyes. Sam had turned large luminous eyes on Bobby. "What happened to my brother?" His voice had been weak and scared…reminding the older hunter of just how young these two boys actually were._

_Bobby had tried to smile, but he'd never agreed with John taking the older boy on those hunting trips…not yet…Dean was still too young. "The ghost…he hurt Dean." He wasn't sure how to explain exactly what had happened to the boy…because Bobby still didn't quite understand it himself. He explained to Sam that his brother had a cracked skull and there was pressure on the brain that had been alleviated in surgery. _

_Sam simply nodded and stared through the glass at his brother. He wanted to go into the room so badly, but he was scared. What if Dean didn't wake up? What if the ghost had hurt him really bad and he was never the same? He interlaced his fingers and placed them under his chin as he watched the nurse move around his brother's room. She checked his vitals and injected something in the bag hanging from the IV stand…but Sam made no more to enter the room. _

"_Don't you wanna go check on Dean?" Bobby asked. He was well aware of how close these two boys were and he was more than a little surprised that Sam hadn't burst into that room._

_Blue-green eyes shifted to him and then to the floor as Sam shook his head._

_Bobby blinked in surprise at the subtle shake of the boy's head. "Why not?"_

"_I'm scared…what if Dean…" He pulled his gaze up and looked the older hunter right in the eyes. "Promise me he's gonna be okay."_

_Bobby nearly choked on his own tongue. "Sam…I can't make a promise like that." Sam's hopeful expression melted and he nodded slowly. Luckily John came around the corner before Bobby had to explain anything else._

Sam was pulled back to the current situation and he sighed as he scrubbed his fingers through his long sable hair. He thought that that was the worst that things would ever get for him and his brother…man had he been naive. And now he was potentially looking at never getting the Dean he'd grown up with back again…and it could all be laid squarely at his feet. The guilt was washing through him in slowly building waves and he picked at his fingernails in an attempt to distract himself.

His gaze shifted to where Dean was still unconscious in the other bed and then it slipped around his empty room. Their father had gone to get something to eat from the cafeteria after talking with Bobby. To be perfectly honest, Sam was pretty sure that his father just headed out to get himself a drink. The man wasn't a drunk, but he definitely used alcohol to soften some of the edges. _And this is one hell of a rough edge._ He thought.

Over in the corner of the room near the foot of his bed was a pair of crutches, Sam took one last look at his brother and then crawled carefully over so that he get his fingers around the wooden handles. They weren't the fancy silver aluminum ones that people generally used. He assumed that was because this was a very small hospital in a very rural area. Either way, he levered himself out of the bed and balanced on the crutches. His ribs protested slightly and he ground his teeth together as he peered out into the hallway. Currently, it was empty. Sam's gaze lifted to the information board near the elevators and he took a deep breath before heading out toward the chapel.

Inside he knew that there was nothing that he could say or do about getting the guilt off his chest. But he wondered if talking to a man of God would help him…because he sure as hell didn't know what else to do. He couldn't help Dean, not in the way he should, not until he managed that.

The chapel was on the second floor and Sam was able to avoid anyone as he moved slowly through the long deserted hallway in the wee hours of the morning. The hospital had that icky antiseptic smell that all medical institutions have and it was making him slightly queasy…bringing back memories that were better left in the past. He swallowed his discomfort and reached out to push the large ornate door open.

Strange thing, he and Dean had been hunting the supernatural for years and Sam had no idea what God _they_ actually prayed to. A confessional was situated off to the right of the massive candles near the front of the small chapel. He hoped that there was a priest there…turns out he was in luck.

Sam limped into the small box and gently closed the door behind himself. The thin door slid open and inside the square was the distorted face of a man.

"Bless you child, how long has it been since your last confession?" The voice was warm and even. It made Sam want to talk. He swallowed hard and leaned his crutches against the wall, before sinking onto the cushioned seat.

"Uh…I've never done this." He said quietly.

A slight chuckle from the other side of the divider was his answer before the priest said. "God doesn't judge us for that son, please tell me your name and why you're here?"

"Sam…And it's my brother…he's not doing too good and it's all my fault." Sam heaved a breath and plowed forward. "I just wanted to have a normal life…I never thought that Dean would get hurt and he didn't deserve it. He always puts me first and I've tried to be like him…but I'm just not. I thought that he would go on to meet my father and then I could compete in the science fair and meet him." Sam's voice cracked and the priest jumped in.

"So…you ran away on your brother's watch and you thought that he would just let you go?" It wasn't judgmental, simply stating the facts.

When it was put like that it made Sam feel so much worse. "I guess so…but I should have known, Dean would never just leave me. He never does anything wrong…"

"Oh, I'm sure he has his own set of problems. Where were your parents?"

Pain lurched through Sam at the mention of their parents. "My…mother died when I was a baby…my brother watches out for me whenever my dad's working."

"And do you move around a lot?"

"All the time. But he always tries to make it better for me. I was being so selfish and he got hurt so bad." Emotions threatened to undo Sam and he had to take a slow breath to avoid crying.

"Sam…does your brother know how much you love him?" The priest asked softly.

Sam's gaze dropped to the floor of the booth. The carpet was a plush dark wine color and he found it difficult to lift his gaze again. "I…I don't know…I think so."

"Haven't you ever told him how much it means to have him around?"

"Uh…I don't think so. I used to tell him all the time…but now I can't remember the last time I said 'thank you'. And he may never wake up." Guilt rushed through Sam in a tidal wave and he sank further into the booth's chair. His leg was aching from the cramped position. "I'm a bad brother aren't I…"

"No Sam. You're family…and family is supposed to make you crazy. I think that you need to tell your brother how you feel. Tell him that you love him and that you're sorry."

Sam started to get up, but he turned back at the last second. "Thank you…I'm not even Catholic so I'm sure if any of this counts." He added as an after-thought.

Another soft chuckle resounded inside the booth. "A lot of people aren't Catholic, but that doesn't mean that God isn't listening when you step into his booth. Go talk to your brother Sam…he'll forgive you if you give him the chance."

He pushed the door open and limped from the booth, grabbing his crutches and situating himself for the walk back to the fifth floor. "That's what I'm afraid of." Sam whispered as he moved slowly up the aisle between the ornate pews.

XXXX

Dean fought his way through the sludge of his own mind and forced his eyes open. He hurt all over. The prick in his arm told him he had an IV inserted and the tightly wrapped feeling around his chest informed of the reason for his pain…broken ribs. It was the light fire racing through his shoulder that was a new sensation for him. He'd never had an infection as bad as the one that was spiking his fever now.

A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead and dropped onto the pillow. He blinked several times and then turned his head to look around. The smell gave it away immediately…hospital. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten there and as he scanned the room he was distressed to realize that neither of his parents were present. Dean swallowed against the dry feeling in his throat and looked over to the small roller tray near his left. He started to reach out and then groaned when pain lit up in his side.

"Son of a bitch." He breathed.

A shuffle near his feet had his gaze flashing down. There at the base of his hospital bed was a young man. The kid appeared to be around twelve or thirteen with a broken leg and bruised face.

_He looks like I feel._ Dean thought. He forced a smile past his own pain. The kid continued to stare at him in shock. The smiled died on Dean's lips as he got distinctly uncomfortable with the scrutiny. "Take a picture…they last longer."

The kid shifted up toward the head of the bed. "Dean? You okay?"

"I know you?" Dean asked. He was surprised when the kids expression faltered and he looked like Dean had slapped him.

"Yeah…it's me…Sam." Sam took a step forward, but then stopped when Dean pressed himself further into his pillows.

"Sam who?" He questioned.

Sam's lips dropped apart in a pained expression and his eyes welled with tears. Bobby's words flashed through his mind… "re-write his memories."

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Sorry about the two days between posts. I had to travel home and it was a long trip. Here's the newest chapter, I will have the next one up tomorrow though. We will be dealing with Dean's memories and Sam's reaction to that…as well as John and Bobby's search for the drug. The next chapter deals with Dean's reaction to all of this and the added bonus of two sets of memories…which ones are real. Think 'What Is and What Should Never Be'._

_Thanks to everyone that has read and reviewed…particularly: Uzi, becca65d, BranchSuper, kracken96, Idreamofivan, Wunjo, babyreaper, mb64, guests (several of you), Taraneh, Sylvie-winchester, 1hotpepper, dandy44, Dean's Worshiper, Beakers47, shaxpersis, and Nina Ferraro._

**PLEASE REIVEW: Just let me know what you think, please.**


	15. Tale of Two Winchester Families

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY **

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Okay, so there is a problem with this posting, so I am going to reload it. I'm sorry if you get multiple notifications. Apologies.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Tale of Two Winchester Families_

Dean was staring blank faced at the small television. There really was nothing good on during the day. Pain was a faded sensation as the drugs the doctors were pumping through him took affect.

The kid had crawled back into his bed on the other side of the room and withdrawn into silence. He'd said his name was Sam Winchester…and he was Dean's brother. Which made absolutely no sense to him…pain rippled through him at the thought of the little brother he'd lost in the nursery fire when he'd been four. It was the same pain that he'd lived with for twelve years. Dean had seen his parents suffer through a loss that no family ever should…the death of a child.

In order to try and be less of a burden to his grieving parents, Dean had tried to be the perfect son. He'd excelled in school and graduated at the age of sixteen…he'd been accepted to an Ivy League school, Stanford and he'd excelled at sports. The accident that he'd been in had been bad…he could feel it. But there was something else too…something about this boy was so familiar that it created an ache in his heart.

His green eyes shifted to the door, his parents still hadn't come to see him yet and that wasn't like either one of them. They then shifted to the boy in the other bed. He couldn't shake the familiarity that he felt every time he looked at the kid.

A sudden blinding headache split his head open and Dean moaned in pain as his hands grabbed at his eyes. "Ah…shit." He whispered.

Sam's eyes flashed up at the sounds of pain from his brother. He was quick to pull himself from his bed and limp to Dean's bedside. He fought with himself for only a moment before he gently touched his brother's arm. "Dean?"

The second their skin touched a light shock flickered across Sam's skin and was absorbed by Dean's. And with that transfer came a second set of memories. Multiple memories warred inside Dean's head as he pulled uselessly at his hair. It was like splitting open swollen skin and watching as the puss escapes in lines of pain.

Dean saw his mother burn on the ceiling of Sam's nursery and then he saw Sam burn in that same fire as his parents grabbed him and hauled him to safety. He saw Sam's first steps and then he saw his mother singing to him as he sat at the breakfast table, his short legs swinging beneath him as he waited for his waffles. John had burst into the kitchen with smile plastered across his face…he'd been promoted at the shop. They could afford to buy that house they'd been eyeing. It was a bittersweet moment when they realized that they only needed a two-bedroom…that there would never be another child.

At least that was what they'd thought…Dean remembered why it felt so easy to be a big brother…because of Adam. He was seven years younger than Dean…but he was everything that the middle Winchester had every wanted. He had a little brother to help, it just wasn't the one he'd thought he'd have.

And then the thought of Sam's first day of school and how he'd waved at Dean from the bus, a wide toothy grin with deep-set dimples reflected through the glass. Then the memories of the supernatural started and Dean curled in on himself in agony. Monsters, demons, werewolves, vampires, ghosts, and even shape-shifters drifted across his wide-open mind.

How does one determine what's real? When there are two sets of memories that feel so real that it was like watching a movie inside one's head.

"Dean, come on man…you're scaring me…what's going on?" Sam's voice was breaking as he stared at his brother. He barely heard the door to their shared room squeak open as Bobby and John froze in the doorway.

"Sam? What the hell?" John said as his eyes flickered from Dean's arcing form to Sam's terrified expression. He rushed to Dean's side and grabbed his son's good arm. "Dean?!" He called.

Dean could hear his father, but he couldn't answer as the memories continued to assault him. He saw himself in school…in one image he was a model student in another image he was being expelled for making out with the head cheerleader under the bleachers…who also happened to be the principal's daughter.

"No…I don't want these memories…" He breathed and clenched his eyelids shut as tears leaked between the long lashes.

Sam's eyes dropped away from Dean. He couldn't stand to see his brother so broken. Was it crueler for him to wish his brother back or to live with the knowledge that this was his fault? His conversation with the priest echoed through his head and he drifted backwards toward his own bed.

Alarms sounded as Dean's heartrate skyrocketed. Nurses burst into the room and shoved John away from his eldest son as they quickly injected Dean with a sedative. He slipped away from the memories into blissful silence as blank spaces took over the spots the memories had occupied.

John watched as Dean's body sagged in relief and he relaxed against the white sheets. Bobby stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder as the nurses took more readings and then exited the room. "What the hell just happened?"

The older Winchester shook his head in confusion. "I have no idea."

Both sets of eyes shifted to Sam. The boy was leaning against his bed with his back to them. His shoulders shook with emotion as he silently cried. John started to step toward him, but Bobby's hand on his shoulder and a slight shake of the other man's head stopped him. "Not yet."

"We need that cure…before this demon drug sends him into the madhouse." John said softly. Bobby nodded.

"I'm going."

John's gaze flickered to him. "I'm coming too."

"No. You need to be here for your boys. I'll find that drug…trust me, John." It was the first time that John Winchester had had to trust someone outside of his boys in a very long time. He found that he didn't like how difficult it was.

"Bobby?" He said quietly.

"Yeah?" Bobby turned back from the doorway. His aged blue eyes panning over the two boys and then landing on their father.

"Please save him." A suspicious sheen on John's eyes gave away what he couldn't hide…he couldn't be the one to save them…not this time.

"Or I'll die trying." Bobby said as he turned back toward the door.

"I know you would...and that means everything to me." John's voice was heavy with emotion and he let his gaze slip toward his boys. Both broken by this tragedy in different ways both physically and emotionally. He could only hope that this could be fixed...that _they_ could be fixed.

XXXX

Sam was staring into the darkness when he heard Dean move in the other bed. His terror rose at the thought that they might repeat what had just happened. His father was snoring softly in the chair near Dean's bed. His ocean-colored gaze lifted to meet the confused eyes of his older brother as he blinked sluggishly in the low light.

"I don't…are you real?" Dean's voice was rough from the sedative. His eyes flickered to their father and recognition flooded his face. "Where's mom?" And then his face filled with sadness. "If you're here…then she isn't."

Sam's heart dropped when he saw his brother making connections about what was real and what was not. "I am real." He answered softly.

"And my mom?" There was just a hint of hope in Dean's voice and it shattered Sam's heart to answer that question.

"What do you remember?"

Dean's gaze dropped as he thought. "A fire…but I'm a little unclear about who lived and who…" His words drifted off as he looked back at Sam.

"Lived?" Sam supplied. Dean nodded.

For once in his life Sam wished that he could lie to his brother. Tell him that their mother was alive and well. Explain that the things Dean was remembering were all part of some nasty little dream…but he knew he couldn't.

"There's you, me, and dad…that's all that's left of the Winchester family." Sadness was inflected in every word and the pain of explaining this terrible truth to his brother was almost more than Sam could bear.

Something that Sam hadn't expected flashed across Dean's face…fear. "What about Adam?"

"Who?"

Dean swallowed heavily. "My little brother…Adam."

Something that felt suspiciously like jealousy crept into Sam's soul and it made him feel like the worst brother in the entire world. He'd never realized how much of his own ego was derived from knowing how much he meant to Dean. And now those feelings were split…even though they really weren't…they were. At least inside of Dean's head.

"Uh…we don't have another brother." There was no way for him to soften that blow and Sam knew it.

"I did." Dean whispered softly. His green eyes filling with tears at a loss that only he felt. But the memories were running together and he couldn't decide which ones he wanted. In both sets he was going to be missing his mother and that hurt like hell. But in one he kept his little brother Adam and there were no monsters in his life. He was a college bound kid with a very bright future. But in the other one he had Sam…alive and well. But his life sucked otherwise. He knew about everything that had tried to kill him and his family for the past twelve years and it scare him.

XXXX

Bobby stared at Pastor Jim in confusion. The religious man had met him at the abandoned factory and he'd come armed with facts that the old hunter hadn't known. As he listened he wished that he still didn't know about this crap.

"So you're saying that Dean can choose?"

Jim shook his head as they carefully picked their way down the stairs. "No. I'm saying that will have to decide which memories he wants…the other's? They'll drift away."

"That's the irreversible part…right?"

"Yeah…that's it." Jim answered. They stepped over the threshold and the smell of sulfur invaded their senses. "Is that from before?" He wrinkled his eyebrows at the pungent scent and flashed his light through the area. There in the corner was the body of the man that they'd killed rescuing Dean.

"Pretty sure…yeah." Bobby answered.

The creak of boards had the men spinning around in surprise. There standing in the middle of the room was a woman. She appeared to be around twenty-something and she looked like a supermodel…all except for her bright red eyes.

"Hello boys…" The accented voice sounded British to Bobby…but it could have been Scottish too. He wasn't sure.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Another twist, yay! Okay, that yay is for me…I love the twists that happened when I have time to sit and think about a stories progression. I plan on getting into the family's reaction to Dean's memories more in the next chapter. I'll also include a Flashback from his 'false-life'…and Adam._

_Thanks to everyone that reviewed and read this story. You guys are awesome particularly: HpDork FreakaZoid, Taraneh, showjumper007, dandy44, ncsupnatfan, reannablue, mb64, babyreaper, Idreamofivan, Nina Ferraro, BranchSuper, janiekm, 1hotpepper, Wunjo, Sylvie-winchester, and Beakers47._

**PLEASE REVIEW: Just so I know you guys are still enjoying the story.**


	16. Choice or Manipulation?

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY **

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Please remember that I do not have a Beta, so any and all grammatical mistakes are mine...don't shoot me for them.**

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Choice or Manipulation?_

John was staring at his sleeping sons in shock. He still couldn't believe what Dean had told him and then the most shocking thing had happened. His eldest son had started explaining the exact same story to his _mother_. Or as John had seen it…thin air. Apparently Dean was actually _seeing_ Mary. So now John was dealing with one son that was broken-hearted and another that was slipping off the rails faster than he could put him back on.

Dean had explained in great detail his other life; the one that he wasn't sure was real at this point. In this life he had a younger brother named Adam and Sam had died in a fire when he was six months old. The details were so vivid that John couldn't help but think that his oldest was actually sporting two different realities inside his head. That drug had done more than just re-write his memories; it had given him a whole new set and the hallucinations to go with them.

Never in his widest dreams had John thought that he'd be considering leaving Dean in the care of professionals. But as long as he was seeing and talking with people that were really there…he was a risk. Not only that, but John would be risking Dean's life by taking him back into the world that his son wasn't sure was even real.

_We need that damn drug._ He thought with a shake of his head. His gaze drifted to Sam and his heart ached for the boy. Unlike Dean, Sam was a very sensitive person. He carried the pain of others like backpack…the same way that Dean carried guilt. And neither of them deserved that. A sigh slipped between his lips as he ran his hand down his scruffy face.

"Dad?" Sam's voice pulled his attention to his left and he moved to sit near the front of the bed on a small plastic chair.

"Hey, Sammy." He answered. John's fingers ruffled his son's hair and Sam pulled his head away with a light smile.

"I don't get what's happening with Dean."

"It's that drug. Bobby's on it." John's gaze shifted to Dean's sleeping form. He frowned when he saw Dean's eyebrow's pull together in pain. Even in sleep he couldn't escape what that damn demon had done.

XXXX

Bobby blinked in surprise as he stared at the woman. "What the hell are you?" He pulled his pistol and pointed it at the red-heads eyes.

She smiled and shook her long locks. "Oh come now…let's be civil." She moved and eyed the muzzle of the pistol as it followed her. "That's not necessary. If I wanted you dead…you'd be dead."

"Who are you?" Bobby's gun never wavered.

"I have several names…none of which matter." Her red eyes shifted to a deep green and she leaned against the wall. The business suit she was wearing pulling in all the right places on her sexy body. "What does matter is what I can offer."

Pastor Jim finally found his voice. "And what's that?"

She pulled a vial from her inside jacket pocket and waved it at them. "I believe you are looking for this?"

Bobby's eyes widened and he glanced over at Jim for a moment and then shifted his gaze back to the woman. "You're a demon." He said. It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact. It had taken him a minute to figure it out…but that was the only answer that made sense. The only type of demon that Bobby had ever run into was the black-eyed kind that generally possessed people. Innocent victims like his wife and maybe even that man that had been used to torture Dean.

"Ding, ding, ding…nice deduction sport." A grin slipped across perfectly painted red lips. "I'm 'the' demon." The long blood red nails slid down the rock wall…Bobby swallowed hard when four long lines were carved into the stone.

"What?" Jim stammered as he backed away from her.

"I am a cross roads demon. I make deals, give people what they want…" She noticed as both men took another step back. "Oh don't worry, I'm not here to make a deal with you. But it is in my best interest that things return to…how shall we say…_normal_."

Bobby processed that. "That don't make any sense. Demons don't do things just to be nice. There's always something nasty at the other end."

"With the black-eyed variety…that's true. But we're a little…different." Her voice purred and she smiled. "I do stuff for my own reasons…now do you want this or not?" She wriggled the vial in front of them and arched a shapely brow. "You know what? I think I'll just ask the horse and not the mouth." With that she disappeared and both Bobby and Jim started spinning in an attempt to find her.

"Shit…that ain't good." Bobby breathed as he turned and ran toward the stairs. Jim was right on his tail as they skipped up the stairs two at a time.

XXXX

Dean startled awake. He had no clue what had pulled him from sleep, but as he blinked a few times, he noticed that his room was eerily silent. He looked around and his gaze lingered on where the boy in the other bed slept. The two sets of memories were confusing the hell outta him.

"Hey, Dean."

The sound of Adam's voice pulled Dean's attention over and he smiled slightly. His younger brother was sitting on the small chair in the corner with a small book and a flashlight in hand. "Hey."

"How's the shoulder?" Adam's blonde head bounced as he closed his book and pushed it into a backpack.

Dean snorted slightly. "Sore…where's mom?" His green gaze slipped around the room and he wondered why he hadn't seen her in a while.

"Work."

"Yeah…that makes sense." He shoved himself up in the bed and then regretted the action when pain sliced through his arm. "What about dad?"

"Dean? Who're you talking to?" Sam's voice interrupted and his eyes flickered over to the other bed. His vision blurred slightly as the two sets of memories warred against one another inside his head.

Dean's mouth worked, but nothing came out as he looked between the two different locations where his _brother's_ were watching him with identical worried expressions. "Uh…" Before he could answer a woman in scrubs walked into his hospital room. She flipped on the small lamp near his bed and he was caught off guard by her beauty.

"Dean Winchester…how's the head?" She spoke with an accent that, if he'd been feeling better, he would find incredibly sexy. His bright green eyes sparkled with appreciation as she sat down on the end of his bed.

"Okay, I guess…you're a bit forward for a nurse aren't ya?" He looked over where Adam had been and was surprised to see an empty chair. "When did he leave?"

Sam looked down at his bed. "Uh…he was never there, Dean."

"Jesus…not this again."

The nurse listened to them and then looked at Dean directly. Sam seemed to simply stop talking, or moving, or even responding. "Well to be fair, your brother's not wrong."

"What?!" Another pang of agony spun through his head. "God…what the hell is wrong with me…"

"You've been poisoned…essentially." She stood up and help up a large syringe with a glowing blue liquid. "But I can cure you…all you have to say is yes."

"What happens if I don't?" The memories of the two different lives tripped through his head in rapid succession. He wasn't sure what was real…but the connection with both his brother's were shoving their way to the forefront as he stared at the nurse. A sudden pounding on his door had his gaze flashing toward the small window.

John was slamming his shoulder into the door and his face was terrified. He was yelling something that Dean couldn't understand.

"Why can't my dad get in?" The pain meds were causing a strange lapse in thought and action on his part.

She laughed. "Oh I'm afraid that's my fault." Her eyes flashed from green to red and Dean's widened in shock. "Demon…but one that can save your life."

"I wanna talk to my brother." Dean looked over at the _frozen_ figure of his younger brother. "Now."

"Not really in a position to make demands…now are ya." She pointed at the syringe. "You don't have much time…"

"Why would you help me?"

"Oh I'm not. I was instructed to…" She air-quoted the last part. "Destiny or something…but it is your choice, Dean."

"My brother." He ground out. The pain inside his head was getting worse the longer he stared at the demon. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple and dripped onto his shoulder.

She sighed and snapped her fingers. "Whatever."

Sam blinked and looked between Dean and the nurse. He wasn't sure who she was but the sound of their father slamming his fist against the door told him that it wasn't a good thing the woman was there. "Dean? You okay?"

"Ask me again, later." He answered quickly. "You alright?" Even though he was still battling the shifting memories the concern for Sam took precedence. A feeling of sadness crept over him and he wondered at the source. Something Sammy had done…but he couldn't quite find the right memory.

"Yeah, sure…except, who the hell is she?"

Dean shook his head. "Demon."

Sam's eyes flared in anger and he reached out for his crutches. She shook her had and rolled her eyes as his crutches flew out of his out-stretched fingers. "No…no, no…Sammy boy. Just sit there or I'll pin you to your bed like a bug." Her voice switched from sweet to less friendly as her eyes narrowed and switched back to green.

"Leave him alone." Dean seethed as he sat forward. Another wash of pain knocked him back against the bed and his vision blurred again.

"Tick tock, tick tock, Dean. Make a choice." Another set of fists slammed against the door and Bobby's worried face joined John 's and the hospital security.

Through the pain he hissed. "And what does that cure cost?"

She had the audacity to look genuinely offended. "You don't trust me? How troubling…truth is, it doesn't cost you a thing at the moment…and it is the only thing that will save your life. That drug is coursing through your system causing all sorts of chaos to your sticky bits. And it looks like these two are the ones that are _here_ for you…might wanna choose them." The demon glanced at the door. "And from the appearance there…they need you Dean."

A sudden crack of a memory had him pulling in a deep breath. Pain tripped through his heart as he remembered the sheer panic of searching for Sam. Not knowing where he'd gone and if he'd been taken by one of the things they hunt or…even worse, if Sam had run away on his own. It was like having someone rip out his heart and show it to him. In his entire life, Dean had never questioned his role in this small family. This one act by Sam changed all that.

There were also the thoughts of the other family. The one with a father, a mother, and another little brother that had never betrayed him like Sam had. And then he remembered Adam calling from school when he'd been picked on by local bullies. One brother trusted him and the other did not…so did he want the cure that would show him which reality was real?

"Dean…please…don't do this." Sam whispered when Dean's fingers shrank away from the syringe. Fear was squeezing his heart into a vice grip. He had given this doubt to his brother. This fear that he didn't love or appreciate what Dean had given up for him…what he'd sacrificed.

Dean's gaze flickered to Sam and he sighed. It didn't matter what he wanted…he would do anything to erase the terror reflected out of his little brother's eyes. A very small part of him wondered how he would have handled it if it had been Adam and his mother there with him…but the puppy-dog look Sam was throwing at him made up his mind in an instant.

He reached out and grabbed the syringe plunging it into his own thigh. The demon grinned and stepped back from the bed. "Simply marvelous…wish I could stay and chat...but you know…busy busy busy." And with that she was gone and the door to their room burst open as John and Bobby nearly fell through it.

Dean was rigged on the bed. His teeth clenched together in a tight grimace as the fire raced through his body. The feeling of something filleting his skin from his bones was what his mind latched onto. Shivers started running through his body, it was like he was being twisted from the inside out. It was sheer agony and he couldn't voice it…because he couldn't speak. All Dean could do is stare through useless eyes at the world around him.

Sam had crawled from his own bed and limped across the room to stare at his brother. It was terrifying watching Dean's body settle into the sheets, though his eyes never even blinked. The doctors and nurses surged into the room right after their father and shoved John out of the way.

"What the hell is going on with him?" One dark haired nurse asked as he pushed drugs into the IV.

The doctor shook his head in dismay. He'd never seen anything like this before and he had no clue how to deal with it. "I've never seen readings like this in my life." His grey eyes scanned the monitors and he rushed from the room in search of another opinion.

Dean's heart was beating too fast, his vitals were all over the place, and his blood pressure was spiking.

"Dad?" Sam's small voice cut through the chaos in the room. John's head spun toward his younger son and he stepped toward him.

"He's going to be fine." John wasn't sure if he actually believed this or if he was trying to convince Sam. Either way, he needed to say it out loud.

Thirty minutes later, Sam was settled back in his bed staring at the blank space that Dean used to occupy. The doctor had moved his older brother to the ICU in an attempt to control the declining vitals. They had eventually taped Dean's eyelids shut to protect his eyes from drying out when his body never moved a muscle. Sam wanted to cry. He'd seen his brother struggle with his choice and now Sam couldn't help but wonder if Dean had chosen the hallucination or them?

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Okay, so I know this didn't deal with Dean's POV, but the next chapter does and then that's it for this story. So it'll be onto a sequel and dealing with the aftermath of all this…plus, there was something more that the demon wanted…and who was it? All shall be made clear._

_Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing and to Nina Ferraro, who doesn't let me get away with keeping you guys in the dark, motivating me to get chapters up quickly. Thank to: becca65d, ncsupnatfan, Taraneh, BranchSuper, babyreaper, kracken96, Beakers47, DearHart, Sylvie-winchester, Idreamofivan, shaxpersis, mb64m Nina Ferraro, janiekm, and dandy44._

**PLEASE REVIEW: Please, please, please, let me know what you're thinking.**


	17. Sightless Remedy

**Legalities**: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

**Warnings:** _This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice". _

_It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons. _

_If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins._

**Rating: T** with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

**NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY **

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. **Okay, so there is a problem with this posting, so I am going to reload it. I'm sorry if you get multiple notifications. Apologies.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

_Sightless Remedy_

_Dean sat in the Impala staring out at a field. The sun was just starting to set, the brilliant rays fanning across the summer sky in shades of orange and purple. He inhaled deeply and let the scent of dirt and grass slide along his lungs as a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. He finally shoved open the door and climbed from inside the car into the gently cooling air. The moon was just starting to rise…it was one of those huge slightly orange harvest moons._

_He turned and walked to the trunk, popping it open with a practiced ease…he grinned when he saw the box of fireworks. A sudden feeling of confusion washed through him and he licked his lips as he tried to figure it out. Something made him want to keep digging inside that trunk…like there should be something else beneath the fireworks. But that couldn't be true…could it? Dean shook his head and grabbed box. He turned and set it down on the grass._

_As he reached up to slam the trunk closed that nagging feeling that 'something' wasn't right assaulted him again. Dean's gaze flashed around the surrounding area and finally it occurred to him what was wrong…where was his brother? He'd hustled for two weeks to earn the money to buy these fireworks and now he was utterly alone…what fun was that?_

"_Dean?" Sam's voice cut through the darkness. _

_He spun around toward the direction of his little brother's voice…but there was nothing there. It was like the words had descended from nothingness. _

"_Sammy?" He called. Dean shifted his weight from left to right and blinked in the low light. From behind him he heard a twig crack and he spun on his heel._

_There in front of him was a man he'd never seen before. "Who are you? Where's my brother?" A feeling of unease settled in his stomach and Dean was almost afraid of what this unknown person would say._

_The man was about two inches shorter than Dean. He had dark hair…almost black and eyes that were a brilliant blue color. He knew that he shouldn't be able to see the man as clearly as he could…but for some reason it didn't bother him. The stranger stepped forward and leaned over, picking up the twig from the weeds. He proceeded to break it into smaller pieces. "You wonder where your brother is?" It was like the guy was answering Dean's question without answering a damned thing._

"_Yeah, rainman…that's what I just asked." Dean stepped forward, his fingers closing into a fist. "Now…answer the question."_

_The man's eyebrows rose and he thinned his lips in irritation. "You will not find him here."_

"_What? You're not making any sense." His own irritation was rising rapidly along with his fear. _

"_Whom do you seek?" The rough voice was grating on Dean's last nerve._

"_Jesus yoda…I just told you that." His green eyes panned the surrounding area and he found that they were no longer in a field, but in stone room…like a basement. "Where the hell are we? How did we get here?" He blinked. "Where's my freaking car?"_

"_Whom do you seek?" The man repeated without moving a muscle._

_Dean swallowed hard. "My brother." He shot back._

"_Which one?"_

_That question got his full attention. There was no way that he could have heard that right. Dean only had one brother…didn't he? As he tried to think two sets of memories invaded his consciousness and was driven to his knees under the onslaught. Sam. Adam. Two brothers…both as real as he was…and then there was his mother…and his father. _

"_I ask you again…which one?" The stranger stepped forward, though he did not offer to touch Dean. _

"_How can there be two?" Dean forced past the pain. It was more than just physical at this point…it was emotional and he felt as though his life had been torn apart. "I don't understand…"_

_The man nodded. "He said that you would not. But you must decide, Dean Winchester…which brother do you want?" He paused for a moment. "Which 'life' do you want?"_

"_Who's 'he'?" Dean muttered softly. He rubbed at the back of his neck in an attempt to alleviate the pain of the piercing headache. "I can't have two lives…"_

"_No. You cannot. Which is why you must choose." A crack of thunder ripped through the air outside the building and it shook with the tremendous power of the building storm. _

"_Please…I don't understand." Dean's voice shook with the effort of speaking past the slicing agony of his head. _

"_One life will be easy…one life will be filled with pain and sorrow…but within this second life there is one that 'needs' you…without you, he will be lost." The azure blue of the stranger's eyes reflected internal light that Dean couldn't identify._

"_Sam…" He whispered. And suddenly there was no choice…he 'knew' that Adam was not real. Even knowing that being with Sam would be painful and full of sorrow and guilt, there was no choice. As his heart settled on an answer, his body lit up in pain. He clenched his teeth together and forced his eyes open. "I choose Sam." His strained whisper bounced off the walls of the room._

_A small sad smile edged onto the strangers lips. "Then Sam, it shall be." He turned and started to walk away._

_Pain was now the only sensation that Dean could feel. But he managed to throw one more question at the being. "Who are you?" He cried out. The muscles on his neck were standing out against his pale skin as they bunched with pulses of pain._

_The man turned and smiled one last time. "It is not time for you to know me, Dean. I will rescue you…I promise." And with that he was simply gone. "Good bye, Dean Winchester." The words floated through the air and penetrated like water through a sieve._

_Dean hunched forward as his stomach balled up and contracted. Tears sprang to his eyes as every nerve twisted in pain…he bit back the cry of agony that threatened to steal what was left of his dignity._

_XXXX_

Sam was ready to crawl from his hospital bed and kill every one of the nurses and doctors that kept evading his questions. He'd had it with being treated like a child…he wasn't and he knew that he would never find anything out about Dean until he went looking on his own. Both his father and Bobby had been scarce since the whole episode with Dean five days prior. All they had told him was that Dean was alive…but something had happened once his brother had been removed from their shared room.

His ocean colored eyes panned over his room and he sighed at the reminder of their failure. He glanced over at the small clock on the wall; it was two in the morning. The footsteps outside his room had died long ago. Sam took a deep breath and reached for his crutches.

He slipped from his warm bed and pulled the hospital robe tighter against the chill in the air. The cast on his leg was growing more and more uncomfortable the longer he wore it. If he ever broke his leg in the future he hope to hell that he broke it beneath the knee. Because the full leg cast that he was sporting was itchy as hell.

The dark hallway was empty as Sam _clicked_ along slowly. The 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' of the rubber on the bottom of his crutches resounded through the lowly lit corridor. He was careful to avoid the nurse's desk at the end, which meant using the stairs. He was definitely not looking forward to hauling his sore body up two flights, but he needed to see Dean.

It took his nearly fifteen minutes to make the journey and sweat was pouring down his back by the time he shoved his way through the last double door. The ICU was brightly lit, though it too was fairly empty at this time of night.

A television as playing in the background, though Sam had no idea what old sitcom it was. He ignored the sounds and moved toward room seven. A male nurse yawned and picked up his coffee mug and then frowned in displeasure.

"Why is the coffee always gone." He grumbled before rising and heading toward the staff break area.

Sam pulled in a deep breath and clicked past the empty desk and shoved his way through Dean's door. Once inside the room he finally released his pent up breath. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the lowered lights inside the ICU room. The smell was the same as on his floor. One thing that never seemed to change was the nasty antiseptic smell of hospital rooms.

His gaze slipped to the figure in the bed and his eyebrows cut down in concern.

Dean was lying in the bed with wires and leads attached to nearly every part of him. He couldn't see it clearly, but his brother's face was dark with bruising…and his upper body was bound in white bandaging. There was a nasal cannula under his nose and the IV running into his arm was clearly pumping more than simple sodium chloride.

Sam moved and settled his tired body on the bed near Dean's hip. He reached out and smoothed the hair from Dean's forehead. He'd never seen his brother look so young before. He looked away as a lump formed in his throat and threatened to overwhelm him.

When he turned back he found himself hopelessly unprepared for the intensity in his brother's wide open eyes. Dean was watching him.

"Dean?" He asked.

Dean blinked in response. "Sammy…" He breathed quietly.

Sam's heart thundered in his chest when he saw the tear slip silently down his stronger than nails older brother's cheek. It was only one…it was all Dean ever allowed himself and Sam knew it. But he'd only seen it once before when their father had nearly died on a hunt. It was no less profound now as he stared at his brother's emotion-filled eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." His voice shattered as he dropped his eyes in shame. Every fiber of Sam's being was nearly vibrating with his sorrow. He wanted to say more, but his words were caught inside his chest.

A soft brush along the top of his hand had Sam pulling his gaze up. The love shining out of his brother's eyes was almost worse than condemnation. Bobby and their father had been right…Dean would forgive him anything…including his selfish decision to attend the science fair.

It occurred to him in that moment that the science fair had been that afternoon…he'd missed it. The thing that he'd risked his brother's life for had come and gone without his even realizing it.

"It's okay." Dean's voice was strained with lack of use.

"No it's not…I didn't mean…I'm selfish…and I'm sorry." He pulled in a ragged breath.

"Sammy…where's…dad?" The words were still not coming easily and Sam wondered what exactly the long-term ramifications of both the drug and the cure would be.

"He's with Bobby…they went back to the motel to get some sleep and a shower. Said he'd be back in the morning." Sam shifted on the bed and winced in pain.

The light was starting to filter into the room as the sun rose and Sam was able to see his brother more clearly. He was startled when he noticed a milky film over his brother's normally bright green eyes…and Dean wasn't looking at him.

"Can you turn the light on, Sam? Wanna make sure you're really okay." Dean asked as he shifted and then groaned in pain.

Sam looked around the room and blinked when he saw the lamp in the corner. He carefully rose and limped to the tall light. Something inside him was screaming in denial as he flipped it on.

Dean's head snapped up in surprise when he heard the _click_ of the knob. "Did you turn it on?"

Dread settled inside of Sam. The room was now brightly lit between the light and the sun beginning to slip through the blinds. "Yes."

It was a simple answer, but it brought with it a bone chilling fear as Dean's glazed eyes whirled in rising fear. "Are you sure?" He breathed.

Sam's eyelids dropped closed and his head hung. "Yes."

"Oh god…Sammy…" Dean's voice broke. "I can't see…anything."

And in that sentence he broke Sam's heart.

XXXX

John's stared at the doctor, his anger tripping through him in waves of denial and fear. Dean was blind? How? Why?

The doctor's explanation was a stroke in the ocular nerve. That was the reason for the milky color of his eldest son's eyes. Between the physical therapy that Dean would need for the severed nerves in his arm and the pain of recovering from being held captive by a demon…now Dean was completely blind.

How could they hunt? How could they be 'the Winchesters'?

Bobby had offered his place as a respite while they tried to think of what to do. Something in that damn cure had done _this_ to Dean…and they needed to find that bitch of red-eyed demon so they could fix it.

"Dad?" Sam's small voice cut through his haze of anger. His youngest was scared and he felt responsible. But this decision had been Dean's. He'd chosen to take that cure without knowing the cost…

"Yeah, son?" He answered as he turned and looked at both his boys. Pain flowing through him when he saw Dean's gaze miss his eyes.

"What now?"

Dean remained quiet. But lifted his head as he too wanted to know what the plan was. One thing about their father…he _always_ had a plan.

"I'm going to find that demon…and she's gonna fix this." His voice dropped and it sounded more like a growl. He stepped forward and gently placed his fingers beneath Dena's chin, lifting it up. "I promise you, Dean…we will fix this."

Dean managed a slight nod and let his chin slip off his father's fingers. "Kay…" he whispered.

THE END

**Author's Note:** _So that's the end of the first leg of this journey. Let the sequel begin. That will be titled: "More than Meets the Eye". It will deal specifically with trying to track the demon and find out how to reverse what she did. We'll also see some complications with Sam's own healing and how Dean deals with this newest challenge._

_Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed over the course of this story. Thank especially to the following: sbcarri, dandy44, Beakers47, babyreaper, kracken96, Taraneh, BranchSuper, HpDork FreakaZoid, Idreamofivan, ncsupnatfan, mb64, janiekm, Sylvie-winchester, Nina Ferraro, and becca65d._

_You guys have been AMAZING at reviewing this story. Thank you._

**PLEASE REVIEW: SO I KNOW IF THERE'S INTEREST IN A SEQUEL.**


End file.
